


Forsaken Desires

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Series: Forsaken Desires [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Sibling Incest, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 15:14:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2274522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and Remus are in a happy relationship, until Sirius realises he may have some dark desires for his brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Kiss

**FORSAKEN DESIRES**

_**The First Kiss** _

"Sirius?" said Regulus softly as he poked his head through the door. "I'm scared."

Sirius sighed. He and his brother didn't get on at all. They were in separate houses; Regulus was a Slytherin and Sirius was a Gryffindor... they couldn't be more different. They couldn't  _loathe_  each other more. But when they returned home in the summer, they went back to how they used to be. They were there for each other and they were each others only friend.

Sirius was lying on his bed almost dozing off with his hands rested behind his head. He looked at his little brother and smiled.

"What's up?" he asked, beckoning Regulus to come and sit on his bed with him. Regulus did as Sirius wished, sitting down on the edge of Sirius's bed with tears in his eyes.

"I just...  _why_  Sirius?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you have to make things so hard for yourself?"

"I don't! I be myself and if mum and dad don't like it then tough," Sirius said, playing with his wand.

"Sirius... I'm scared they'll kick you out..."

"So what? I'd rather  _not_  be here."

"Where would you go?" Regulus asked with new tears in his eyes.

"Don't cry! I'd go to James's house," said Sirius. "He always said I'd be welcome if I was kicked out."

"But what about me?" Regulus asked in a small voice. "You can't leave me here... with them... by myself."

"But they  _like_  you!" said Sirius. "The  _hate_  me, so I hate them. Why do you hate them if they're nice to you?"

"Because of how they treat you," admitted Regulus. "I wish we were how we used to be... before Hogwarts. Mum and dad loved us both and we were like a proper family."

"Yeah but that's before I showed them that I was different to the rest of our family," said Sirius. "I don't  _want_  to be like mum and dad or the rest of the family. I  _hate_  everything about what they believe in, no offence. I just... I  _do_  want to be kicked out because I can't stand living here."

"But... I'll miss you," said Regulus sadly, looking down. Sirius felt his heart well up. His brother really did care about him.

"Well think about it," said Sirius. "We go back to school tomorrow and I've not done anything bad enough for them to kick me out tonight, so I should be here by Christmas at least."

"What if they kick you out at Christmas? Who am I supposed to talk to while I'm here? Sirius... I heard them talking about you downstairs."

"Oh yeah? What were they saying?" asked Sirius eagerly, though he knew it wouldn't be anything good.

"They were saying they need to do something about you and they said you're an embarrassment to the family," Regulus said.

"Well I already knew they felt that way," said Sirius.

"But they were also talking about disowning you and they were being pretty serious about it. I just don't want you to go."

"Reg, don't worry about me," said Sirius, hugging his brother. This was something that they strictly only did at home when one of them was very upset.

"But I'll be so lonely," sniffed Regulus.

"Hey, I can always find a way to sneak back if you want," said Sirius, smirking. "And in the meantime, you've got Kreacher to keep you company."

"Honestly? Kreacher?" Regulus asked, laughing. "Anybody is better company than  _Kreacher_."

"Well he likes you, at least," said Sirius. "Knowing him, if he got stuck with  _me_  as company, he'd find some way to kill me..."

Regulus laughed for a short moment and then sighed. "When we get back to school it'll be time to ignore you again," he said.

"Only because your friends would treat you like crap if you were nice to me," Sirius said.

"I know," said Regulus. "Sirius?"

"What?"

"I'm scared for another reason, too."

"What's up? Why're you scared?"

"I heard dad talking about Lord Voldemort."

"What about Lord Voldemort?" asked Sirius curiously. Regulus trembled and Sirius hugged him again.

"I think," said Regulus slowly. "That dad wants me to join Lord Voldemort," he said in barely a whisper. Sirius's eyes widened.

"You won't join will you?" he asked.

"I don't  _want_  to! But if dad wants me to join, then what choice do I have?"

"Oh Reg, I'm so sorry," Sirius said, rubbing his hand up and down Regulus's back for comfort. Regulus sighed.

"There's nothing you can do about it. Nothing even  _I_  can do about it. Why couldn't I have been a Gryffindor like you?"

"Wow Reg, I never thought I'd hear those words coming out of your mouth," said Sirius, smiling slightly.

"Neither did I," admitted Regulus. "I just... in Gryffindor, you seem to have a lot more fun. You seem more free and happy and safe."

"It's true," said Sirius. "I can't imagine why anyone would want to be in Slytherin when you have Lord Voldemort trying to recruit from that House."

"Yeah... as I said, I'm so scared."

"Don't be. I know for a fact that if Lord Voldemort tries to recruit you, you're brave enough to reject the offer," said Sirius. "You're stronger than him. Just believe in yourself."

Regulus smiled up at his brother. "Thanks Sirius," he said bringing his face closer to Sirius's. Their faces drew closer and closer together, and Sirius could feel Regulus's warm breath on his face. He gulped. What was going on? Regulus closed his eyes, and Sirius did the same. He felt soft lips brush against his and an arm winding round his waist, pulling him closer. He kissed back, putting his arms up to Regulus's head, tangling his fingers in Regulus's hair. The kiss got more passionate as Sirius felt a tongue slip its way into his mouth.  _What the hell am I doing_  thought Sirius frantically. But he didn't stop. He let the tongue explore his mouth. He let his own tongue massage Regulus's in a way that made his whole body tingle.

The kiss continued on and on, and Sirius got more into it every second. When the two finally broke apart, Sirius looked into the flushed face of his brother and he saw the shock on Regulus's face.

"Fuck," mumbled Regulus, getting on his feet and rushing out of the door. Sirius sighed. What the  _hell_  had he just done? Not only had he just kissed his  _brother_  but he actually enjoyed it! He let his head fall back against the wall and sighed again. He'd also cheated on his boyfriend. He absolutely adored Remus to bits. He couldn't believe what he'd done... what would Remus say if he found out? Imagine your boyfriend cheating on you with his brother! Sirius shook his head. He was in so much trouble.


	2. Hiding

**FORSAKEN DESIRES**

_**Hiding** _

Sirius had avoided Regulus for the rest of the night, and the morning afterwards. He couldn't work out why he'd enjoyed the kiss so much, but he knew it was completely wrong and he couldn't even look his brother in the eye. After a painful couple of hours at home, finally the Black family arrived at the station. He didn't bother saying goodbye to his parents because he knew they wouldn't want to wish him goodbye either. He rushed onto the train searching the compartments for one of his friends. As he got near the end of the train, he spotted James, Remus and Peter who beckoned him to sit with them. He let out a sigh of relief and sat down next to Remus.

Seeing Remus in person was enough to make Sirius feel like the guiltiest person on Earth. He saw those gorgeous amber eyes looking at him with such happiness and he almost felt his heart break. Remus smiled at him and hugged him tightly. Sirius could see that Remus was inhaling his scent, and he smiled. When they broke apart, Sirius held his hand out for Remus to hold throughout the journey.

"I missed you so much," said Remus.

"I missed you too," Sirius said.

"Well, didn't you miss  _us_?" asked James with a mock surprised face on.

"Of course I did," Sirius said, grinning. "I hate going home..."

"Why don't you just leave?" asked James.

"Well... Regulus wants me to stay, and he doesn't want to be alone with my mum and dad," Sirius said, feeling his stomach lurch when he mentioned Regulus.

"But don't your parents actually  _like_  him though?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, they love him but I guess Reg likes having someone to talk to to... he needs company..."

"Hmm, I guess so."

The rest of the journey consisted of Peter and James cracking jokes and eating chocolate while Remus rested his head on Sirius's shoulder and Sirius stared out the window. Sirius couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. He'd never felt so good kissing  _anyone_ , and he'd had his fair share of kisses over the years. He'd always thought that his kisses with Remus gave him the greatest feelings but now he was beginning to think that Regulus... his  _brother_... could make him feel much better. He sighed. Remus sat up and looked into his eyes.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah..."

"Are you sure?" questioned Remus. "You sighed... did you want me to move or something?"

"No! Of course not! Come here," he said, pulling Remus into an embrace. He felt his boyfriend smile into the embrace and he relaxed. He needed to stop having these thoughts. He had an amazing boyfriend who cared about him so much... he didn't want to lose the best thing he had.

But Remus's kisses weren't as satisfying as Regulus's...

But then again, maybe it was a one-off, and maybe Regulus isn't as good a kisser as he was last night... not that he would find out, because he wasn't ever going to kiss his brother again.

And if poor Remus found out what he'd done! Sirius couldn't bear the look on Remus's face if he ever found out. Sirius decided that he was definitely better sticking with Remus and forgetting what happened with Regulus. After all, he had absolutely no chance with Regulus in the future, but he had a very good chance of staying with Remus for a long time.  _At least Remus doesn't run off after an amazing kiss_ , thought Sirius...  _But Reg was just freaked out_ he pointed out to himself.  _I'd probably have run away if he hadn't_.

"Sirius? You there?" asked James, waving his hand in front of Sirius's face.

"Yeah," said Sirius faintly. He hadn't noticed, but he'd been arguing with himself for most of the train journey. He let go of Remus's hand as they left the train, to avoid awkward questions from other students.

Dumbledore was giving his start of term speech and Sirius was trying to keep his eyes open. James was kicking Lily under the table;  _trying_  to flirt, but failing miserably. Remus and Peter were listening intently to Dumbledore and Sirius was absent-mindedly looking at Regulus. He didn't notice he was staring until Regulus turned and looked right back at him. Sirius felt his heart jump and his face redden as he hastily looked down at the very  _interesting_  table. He chanced a peek at his brother, and he saw the blush in Regulus's cheeks too. Sirius smiled. At least it wasn't only him who was struggling with what had happened.

Sirius felt a hand on his thigh and he turned his attention to Remus, who looked unbelievably hot right now, in Sirius's opinion. How could he be thinking of Regulus, when Remus was right next to him, running his hand up and down his thigh?

"Sirius?" whispered Remus.

"Mmm?" answered Sirius, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feel of Remus's hand on him.

"I need to tell you something," Remus said nervously.

"What is it?" asked Sirius, opening his eyes immediately. What was wrong with his boyfriend?

"It's nothing bad!" Remus said, noticing the change in Sirius's facial expression. "It's... something I want to tell you later... before bed."

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me now?" Sirius asked eagerly. Remus laughed.

"No. Later," he said, smiling that smile that Sirius adored. Sirius grinned back.

An hour later, Sirius found himself bored out of his skull. Peter was writing a letter to his mum, James was following Lily around while she was doing her prefect duties, and Remus was with Lily, doing  _his_  prefect duties. Sirius couldn't be bothered to stay in the dormitory so he grabbed James's invisibility cloak and headed downstairs. There weren't a lot of people in the common room so he kept quiet to ensure nobody would hear him sneaking out after curfew. He walked through the corridors and down the stairs to the Great Hall. He stood there for a while debating whether he should go down to the dungeons. He knew there was no point because Regulus would be in his dormitory or in the Slytherin common room but he still felt compelled to just go down and check. For the first time in his life, Sirius genuinely wished he was in Slytherin – only because he wanted to see his brother.

Again with the confused thoughts. He sighed. He kept changing his mind – one minute he wanted to forget about the kiss and next minute he wanted to kiss Regulus again. One minute he felt as though he was a complete idiot for cheating on his wonderful boyfriend, and the next minute he was thinking to himself, " _oh, he'll never find out._ " At this moment in time, Sirius wanted to find Regulus and settle things between them. Though he'd love to kiss his brother again, he already had a boyfriend who he thought the absolute world of, and he didn't want to jeopardise their relationship.

He took in a deep breath and headed down to the dungeons. It was dimly lit in the corridor and it was quite cold, making Sirius shiver. Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed the very person he was looking for, sitting in the corner leading off to the Potions classroom. Regulus had his head in his hands, and he seemed to be shivering. Sirius pondered whether he should take the invisibility cloak off or not, but finally decided he needed to speak to Regulus, and this would be the perfect time. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest; he hadn't spoken to Regulus since before their kiss, so he knew it would be an awkward conversation. He gathered up all of his Gryffindor courage, and pulled the invisibility cloak off himself. Apparently, Regulus hadn't noticed him as he still had his head in his hands. Sirius cleared his throat loudly, and Regulus looked up instantly, blushing a deep red and looking back down at his hands.

"What are you doing?" asked Sirius. Regulus looked up at him with a confused expression.

"Umm... sitting... on the floor... what does it look like I'm doing?"

"No.. I mean  _why_  are you sitting on the floor? Did you get kicked out or something?" Sirius asked, and Regulus blushed again.

"I.. just needed to think... the common room was too loud."

"But you're freezing out here!" said Sirius. "I can see you shivering from here."

"Look Sirius... I just needed to think... alone. That means  _alone_  OK? Without you here..."

"I... sorry... I didn't mean to intrude... I was just walking and then I saw you there," explained Sirius.

"Since when do  _you_  take walks in the dungeons?" asked Regulus. Sirius bit his lip.

"Fine. I actually came down here to hand in my Potions work," Sirius lied.

"On the first night back? We haven't even  _had_  Potions yet..."

"Fine!" said Sirius angrily. "I... well.. I kind of... uhh... wanted to speak to you."

"Oh," said Regulus, looking down. "Umm... what did you want to speak about? You know we don't talk at school... You're in Gryffindor and I'm in Slytherin..."

"Reg... you  _know_ what I want to speak about," said Sirius awkwardly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Regulus.

" _YOU_  started it!" accused Sirius. "If you hadn't... you... I... argh! You brought your face so bloody close... you did it!"

"Sirius... I... I'm sorry," Regulus said, and Sirius could tell he meant it. He heard the sadness in his voice.

"I just... er...  _why_  Reg? Why did you do it?" Sirius asked the question that had been on his mind ever since the kiss.

"I don't know... I didn't even know what I was doing. I know it sounds crazy, but I felt like I didn't have a choice... I couldn't help it."

"Did you-" Sirius sighed. "-Did you enjoy it?"

"I... err... umm..."

"-because I enjoyed it," said Sirius truthfully, looking down. He couldn't believe how embarrassed he felt.

"You  _did_?" shouted Regulus.

" _Shhh_!"

"Oh sorry," he whispered.

"Yes, I enjoyed it. I.. uhh.. couldn't stop thinking about it," admitted Sirius.

"Neither could I," said Regulus, so quietly that Sirius wasn't quite sure he even spoke at all. Sirius sat down on the floor next to Regulus. He accidentally brushed his hand against his brothers and his eyes opened in shock.

"Reg... you're so cold!" he said. He was about to put his arms around Regulus, but stopped. After all, hugging could lead to kissing... and he wasn't really sure if he wanted that. Before he knew it, Regulus had already leaned against him, and Sirius had put and arm around his shoulder without thinking. With Sirius's other hand, he grabbed the invisibility cloak and threw it over them both. Regulus laughed.  
"Why? It's not like it'll warm us up..."

"It's an invisibility cloak you moron," said Sirius. "Just so nobody sees us..."

"I don't understand... are we doing anything that shouldn't be seen?" asked Regulus. Sirius smirked.

"Not yet..." he said, raising his eyebrows at Regulus who blushed.

"Sirius... I don't think-"

But he was cut off as Sirius brought his lips to Regulus's and they began kissing again, but this time it was much more rough. Both boys were fighting for dominance and their hands were pulling and tugging at each others clothes, desperate for something more than kissing. Sirius could feel his erection growing and he couldn't stand it any more. He pushed his groin hard against Regulus's and was pleased to hear a quiet moan emit from his brothers mouth. Sirius wondered if he'd ever heard anything so sexy in his life. He started kissing Regulus's neck as more moans escaped Regulus's mouth, getting louder and louder. Regulus grabbed Sirius's arms and pushed him up against the wall hard, rubbing up against his erection.

"F-fuck!" breathed Sirius. "Mmm, fuck Reg..." Sirius reached down to undo the button on his trousers but Regulus stopped him with a kiss.

"Let me," he said seductively, leaning down, reaching for the button on his brothers trousers.

"Wait," said Sirius suddenly, grabbing Regulus's hand and stopping him from proceeding. "I think someone's coming," he whispered, and Regulus straightened up, covering his mouth. Sirius did the same, as they were both breathing loudly. Sure enough, the footsteps started getting louder and Sirius could see a shadow on the wall opposite where they were sitting. He heard voices... a girl... two boys... Sirius's eyes widened... he could hear  _Remus's_  voice.

James, Lily and Remus walked around the corner.

"But c'mon... you  _have_  to admit... I  _am_  sexy enough for you," said James, who was several steps behind Lily. Lily rolled her eyes, and Remus was laughing.

"Shut up Potter," Lily said coldly. "Why do you have to follow me everywhere? Can't you go and harass someone else?"

"Not until you admit that you're in love with me sweetheart," he said. " _AHHHH!_ "

"What's wrong?" asked Remus. James was jumping up and down screaming in agony. Sirius saw Lily grin to herself.

"I think... I have a pole stuck up my  _arse_!" screeched James hysterically. Sirius nearly burst out laughing, but Regulus quickly put a hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Umm... I don't see a pole anywhere," Remus said, clearly trying not to laugh. Unfortunately for Lily, she couldn't hold it back. She burst out laughing.

"Dearest Lily," said James, wincing. "Would you  _please_ get this pole out of my very sexy butt?"

"There is no pole there," Lily said. "And I'll only reverse it if you promise to leave me alone."

"I can't promise tha-  _ahh_! FINE! I promise," he muttered.

"Good," she said, and she lifted the spell. "Remus... I think we should just head back now. Nobody seems to be out of bed."

"Yeah, OK," said Remus, and they disappeared around the corner. James stood rooted on the spot. For a second, Sirius thought James could see him, but then he let out a sigh and walked around the corner.

Sirius and Regulus sat for a moment in silence. Sirius pulled the invisibility cloak off of them and stood up.

"I need to get back," he mumbled. "They'll be wondering where I am."

"But-"

"- Really, Reg... You should get back into your common room too..."

"I was having fun," muttered Regulus. Sirius grinned.

"Me too," he said, planting a light kiss on the top of Regulus's head. He pulled the cloak over himself and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

When he entered the room, all three of his room-mates turned to look at him suspiciously.

"Where have  _you_  been?" asked James. Sirius shrugged.

"Just the kitchens," he lied. He pulled his shirt off, getting ready to go to bed. He felt two arms wrap around his waist and he smiled.

"Sirius?" said Remus softly.

"Mmm?"

"I... I need to tell you something..."

"Oh yeah," said Sirius, who'd completely forgotten. "How about you come in my bed and you tell me?"

"Yeah," Remus said, grinning. They got into Sirius's bed, and Sirius put his arms around Remus, pulling him close. Remus put his hand up to touch Sirius's face, and pulled him into a kiss. It wasn't overly passionate, but it was enough to make Sirius's heart skip a beat. When they broke apart, Remus smiled.

"I... well, we've been together for seven months now," Remus said slowly. "And you know I like you a lot. Don't get mad or anything, but when I first agreed to go out with you, I sort of expected my heart to get broken. I thought you'd cheat or something so I didn't want to open my heart to you completely, but obviously I was wrong. I couldn't have been more wrong. Sirius... I've fallen in love with you. I really have. I've never fallen for anyone in my life – you're... so special... I just... Sirius, I love you so much. You're the best boyfriend in the entire world, honestly. You mean everything to me."

Sirius had a lump in his throat; nobody had ever said anything like that to him before and he wanted to smile and be happy about it, but he really felt like crying. Remus had fallen for him. Remus had called him the best boyfriend in the world when really, he was the worst boyfriend. Not even fifteen minutes ago, he had been about to have sex with his own  _brother_. He was cheating on Remus, and he felt like the worst person in the entire world. Remus had said he'd  _expected_  to get his heart broken and he  _thought_ Sirius would cheat on him. He'd  _thought_ he hadn't been more wrong, but he couldn't have been more right about it. After what Remus had just said, Sirius felt a thousand times worse about kissing Regulus than he did before. However, he didn't want to upset Remus, so he smiled.

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard Remus," he said, hugging him tightly. "I love you, too. I have done for a while, but I don't know... I've been afraid to say it in case you didn't feel the same way," said Sirius. It was true. He  _adored_  Remus. That's one of the main reasons he felt so guilty.

He looked into Remus's eyes and felt his heart leap in his chest. Looking at him, holding him, kissing him, made Sirius realize that it wasn't Regulus that he wanted; it was Remus. He decided that tonight was the last time anything would happen between him and Regulus, because it was completely wrong in all ways possible,  _and_  he would be hurting the one person he lived for. Sirius fell asleep with Remus in his arms, and the taste of Regulus lingering on his lips, the guilt building up on him ferociously as he slipped into unconsciousness.


	3. Quidditch

**FORSAKEN DESIRES**

_**Quidditch** _

It had been a few weeks since they'd started back at school and Sirius was finding it harder and harder to stay away from Regulus. In the corridors, Regulus would smile at him and Sirius would find it difficult to ignore the  _swooshing_  feeling in his chest. In the Great Hall, they'd make eye contact and Sirius would force himself to look at Remus and think of Remus. Sirius hated to admit it but his dreams were starting to involve Regulus too, and he was beginning to worry that this would ruin everything he had with Remus.

It was October, and Sirius was asleep with his arm around Remus.

"Sirius? SIRIUS? Wake  _up_  or we're going to be late!" screamed James, whacking Sirius around the head with a pillow. Sirius groaned and opened his eyes, James's head coming into focus. He propped himself up on his elbows and yawned. James was standing over him looking angry as ever, with his arms crossed and his eyebrows raised.

" _What_?" Sirius asked tiredly. "We have ages till the match."

"Ages?" James asked. "We have an  _hour_ , Sirius!"

"It doesn't take me an hour to get ready," moaned Sirius, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. James sighed impatiently.

"You have to get dressed, have a wash, brush your teeth, brush your hair, eat your breakfast, come for my team talk and then go out on the pitch. And you'll probably want to snog Remus for a while if I know you..."

"Oh, you know me so well," Sirius grinned, turning to face his boyfriend who was still fast asleep. He pushed him lightly and Remus's eyes fluttered open instantly. Sirius smiled down at him. "Hey," he said, leaning down and planting a small kiss on Remus's lips. Remus smiled back and touched where Sirius had just kissed him.  
"Good luck for the match," said Remus. "You'll do great, both of you."

"Thanks," said James quickly, grabbing Sirius by the arms and pulling him out of bed. James was the new Gryffindor captain and he was taking his new role very seriously, making the team practise as often as possible. The first match of the year was with Slytherin and this was James's first match as captain so he was determined to win. Sirius groaned as James threw him into the bathroom to get ready for breakfast.

* * *

After about forty minutes of getting ready, Sirius was now making his way into the Great Hall with James, Remus and Peter for breakfast. Remus and Peter were still yawning as they'd gotten up a little bit later than James and Sirius. Sirius was truly nervous for this Quidditch match. He'd never been nervous before, but by going up against Slytherin, Sirius wasn't sure he'd be able to concentrate. Regulus was the seeker of the opposing team, whereas Sirius was the seeker on the Gryffindor team. He tried to think of anything else to get him through breakfast. Remus was holding his hand under the table, squeezing it lightly for reassurance that he'd do great in the match. Sirius smiled at Remus as he finished off his breakfast.

"C'mon then lazyhead," said James, pulling Sirius away from the table towards the doors of the Great Hall.

"Good luck," called Peter and Remus. James continued dragging him away until they got outside the castle and then he sighed.

"Can't you walk?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," mumbled Sirius. James eyed him with confusion.

"There's something up," he stated. "What's up, Sirius?"

"Nothing," lied Sirius as they made their way down to the Quidditch pitch. James shook his head.

"I  _know_  there's something up Padfoot," he said. "You can tell me after the match."

"But I don't know if I want to tell anyone," Sirius said nervously.

"Fine. You don't  _have_  to tell me but just know that I'll listen if you want to tell, and I won't judge you or tell anyone," James said, putting an arm around Sirius's shoulder comfortingly. Sirius smiled.

"Thankyou James," he said. "I think I will tell you after the match."

"Good," James answered, grinning. "Now, let's go and win this match."

* * *

The Gryffindor team stepped out onto the pitch, clutching their broomsticks in their hands and feeling more confident after James's pep talk. Sirius looked around at the stands and spotted Remus waving at him with a big smile on his face. Sirius waved back, grinning. He looked at the Slytherin team and frowned. Most of the opposite team were large and burly – not people you'd like to have hit a bludger at you. The only two who seemed to be about a normal height and weight were Severus and Regulus. James and Crabbe reluctantly shook hands, and both teams mounted their brooms. Everyone lifted off into the air, flying to their positions to begin playing. Madam Hooch released the two bludgers and the snitch, and held the quaffle in front of her. As she threw it high in the air, she shouted, "let the game begin!" and blew her whistle.

Immediately, people were flying around. James caught the quaffle and started making his way towards the hoops on the other side. He swerved around various Slytherins and ducked a bludger. When he reached the end, he scored, making all of the Gryffindors cheer. Sirius grinned; James was an amazing Quidditch player. Now, Wilkes had the quaffle and he was flying up the field, passing it to Snape who managed to swerve out of the way of a bludger. He was racing up the pitch when Mary McDonald caught up to him. He made to pass the quaffle to Mulciber, but it was intercepted by Mary, who tore down the pitch back up to the Gryffindor hoops. Unfortunately, when she threw the quaffle towards the hoop, Crabbe grabbed it and threw it back to Snape. One of the Gryffindor beaters, Louis Garmont whacked the bludger hard, so it went hurtling towards Snape and hit him square on the head. There were gasps from the Slytherin stands as Snape fell limply off his broom and landed on the grass below.

Sirius sniggered, and turned his attention back to finding the snitch. He hadn't seen it at all yet. As he looked down at the game below, he saw Gryffindor score again and threw his hands up in the air, cheering. He grabbed the broom quickly as he felt himself slipping. He looked around to find Regulus, who was hovering at the same position opposite him. He didn't seem to have seen the snitch either, so Sirius sighed and let his eyes search the pitch.

James had the quaffle again, and he was moving fast as he threw it to Mary, who passed it to Frank who scored. Slytherin still had no points but Sirius knew that if Regulus caught the snitch, Slytherin could still win. Sirius looked down at James who was giving him a thumbs up, and Sirius grinned back at his friend. James was obviously extremely pleased that his first match as captain was going so well. Sirius was sure he could hear his name being called so immediately turned his head to look at Remus and Peter who were pointing frantically at Regulus. When Sirius looked, Regulus was darting down towards a golden ball; the snitch. Sirius grabbed hold of the front of his broom and leant forward, gaining more speed as he followed the snitch.

He ended up side-by-side with Regulus who had his eyes marked on the snitch. Sirius however, kept looking from the snitch to his brother. They were close to the ground now and the snitch wasn't far ahead of them. Sirius brushed Regulus's arm as they raced to catch the small ball, and Regulus turned to look at him. They locked eyes briefly and Sirius felt a jolt in his stomach. Sirius smiled at his brother and they both looked back at the snitch, racing forwards to grab it.

"Hey Sirius?" called Regulus over the chants and cheers from the crowd.

"What?"

"How did you feel about what happened in the dungeons?" he asked, winking. Sirius couldn't believe the things that one simple wink did to him. He felt his hands slip from the broom as Regulus sped up rapidly, gaining on the snitch. Sirius gritted his teeth. Regulus had obviously tried to distract him, and it had definitely worked. He leaned forwards as far as he could go and he felt himself speeding up.

Cheers from the Slytherin stands told him that Slytherin had just scored but he couldn't take his eyes off the snitch. Regulus was just inches away from it now, and Sirius saw him extending his hand.

" _AHHHHH_!" screamed Sirius in fake agony, making Regulus turn to look at him. He knew Regulus would worry, so took this chance to catch up with him. Regulus must have realized that Sirius was messing with him, so went back to chasing after the snitch which was still very close to him. He extended his had once again, but this time the cry of agony came from Regulus. A bludger came shooting towards him and hit him hard in the side, throwing him off of his broom.

"Regulus?" shouted Sirius in worry, looking down at his brother. Luckily, they were only feet off the ground so Regulus wouldn't be so badly hurt. Sirius looked at Regulus and back at the snitch which was now flying off into the distance. He decided he'd better win the game and then check if Regulus was all right.

He zoomed off after the snitch which was now flying up towards the main action of the game. He was getting closer,  _closer_... he could almost touch it... A bludger missed him by half an inch and his heart was beating fast as he closed his hand over the golden ball and the game ended. Gryffindor cheered loudly and Sirius was pulled into hugs from all of his team-mates. The Slytherin team didn't make much of a fuss as they walked silently off of the pitch, some of them glaring back at the Gryffindors.

"Well done mate," said James, clapping Sirius on the back.

"Well done yourself," Sirius said. "You played excellent!"

"Did you like my bludger?" asked Louis excitedly. "Knocked the wind  _right_  out of that other seeker."

"Oh no, Reg," said Sirius, suddenly remembering what had happened. "I'll meet you in the common room James. I need to go and see Regulus in the hospital wing."

"Ok, see you later," said James as Sirius ran off.

* * *

When Sirius entered the hospital wing, Regulus was lying alone on his bed. Snape was unconscious in the next bed and Madam Pomfrey was in the next room.

"Reg?" asked Sirius hesitantly, stepping towards his brothers bed.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"What are  _you_  doing here?" Regulus asked, opening his eyes.

"Come to see you of course. I was so worried when that bludger hit you," said Sirius. Regulus smiled up at him.

"You were worried?" he asked.

"Of course I was! I'm your brother."

"Oh yeah," Regulus muttered. "That makes everything more awkward."

"I know," mumbled Sirius quietly. "I sometimes forget."

"Me too," Regulus admitted as Sirius sat down on his bed.

"How bad is it?" asked Sirius.

"Not bad... just a few broken ribs. I should be out of here by tonight."

"Thank god for that," said Sirius in a relieved tone.

"Sirius? Do you... regret what..  _happened_  between us?"

The look on Regulus's face was enough to make Sirius lie. "Of course I don't regret it," he said, grinning. "Do you?"

"Definitely not," said Regulus. "I mean, the first time I was scared. I didn't know what was happening."

"Me neither."

"I've never kissed anyone before," Regulus said. "Never mind kissing my own  _brother_."

"I know what you mean. I've never kissed anyone before either," Sirius lied. He felt bad for saying it, and bad for forgetting Remus, but looking at Regulus made him want to kiss him all over again.

"You haven't?" asked Regulus. "But you're so... never mind."

"I'm so...  _what_?" asked Sirius who was now interested in what Regulus had been about to say.

"You're so... sexy," said a rather embarrassed looking Regulus. Sirius grinned.

"Hey, you're not so bad yourself," he said, winking. Before he could react, Regulus had pulled him down into another kiss. It was a heartfelt kiss, and Sirius hadn't felt anything so good in his entire life. He'd never had a kiss this good in his entire life and he doubted he'd ever have one this good again... Regulus tugged at Sirius's shirt when the door opened and Sirius scrambled off of the bed.

"Mr Black, there is no time for visitors at the moment. You should be in class," said Madam Pomfrey angrily.

"Get better soon, Reg," Sirius called as he was being shoved out of the room.

"Already feeling loads better," Regulus answered, winking at him as he disappeared through the doors of the hospital wing.

* * *

Sirius sighed, guilt rushing through him again as he made his way through the portrait hole. He needed to tell someone. He needed to get it out. He needed to find James and confide in him. As he walked into the common room, he spotted James trying to flirt with Lily. He strode up to his friend.

"James? Can I... er, speak to you?"

"Oh, about that  _thing_  from earlier... of course!"

"Thanks."

The two boys stepped outside of the common room and Sirius sighed. It was time to tell the truth and get it all out.


	4. Telling The Truth

**FORSAKEN DESIRES**

_**Telling The Truth** _

Sirius led the way to an empty classroom, his heart thumping hard against his chest. He had to tell James. He needed to tell his best friend because he was so confused. When they got into the classroom, Sirius closed the door behind them and pointed his wand at the door.

"Muffliato," he muttered, and then turned to James who was waiting expectantly for him to say something.

" _So_?" James asked, raising his eyebrows. Sirius fiddled with the hem of his shirt. It was so difficult to admit to.

"I... er... well... you can't repeat what I say to  _anyone_ ," Sirius said. "Especially not Remus."

"I won't tell anyone," James said smiling. "What is it?"

"I did something," Sirius said lamely, looking down.

"You  _did_  something?" James asked. "What did you  _do_?"

"I... err... something that I should be ashamed of," said Sirius.

"... But you're not ashamed?" guessed James, and Sirius nodded. "So what did you do?"

"This is really hard for me to say," muttered Sirius.

"You want to write it down or something?"

"No... I'll just say it but please don't hate me or anything," Sirius pleaded.

"Like I could hate  _you_ ," said James. "You're my best mate."

"Thanks."

"So... c'mon, tell me!"

"I..."

"Spit it out," laughed James. Sirius sighed.

"I sort of ch-cheated on Remus," Sirius said quietly, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He didn't dare look at James's face.

"Oh... well, that's not good," James commented. "And you're not ashamed of it?"

"Well I feel like the guiltiest person in the world because Remus is so amazing and he trusts me and I've gone and betrayed him," Sirius said. "I just... I don't know what to do, James."

"You really shouldn't have done that mate... you know how much Remus loves you."

"I know... but it sort of just...  _happened_. I couldn't help it."

"I just can't believe you'd do that to him," said James, shaking his head. "That's completely out of order, Sirius."

"I know!" said Sirius angrily. "Do you think I don't know that? I see the look in his eyes when he's talking to me and when he looks at me and it  _kills_  me!"

"How many times have you done it?" asked James.

"Three times now," admitted Sirius shamefully, and James sighed.

"Three times?  _Why_ , Sirius? What's this other person got that Remus doesn't have?"

"I have no idea," said Sirius. "I... I really shouldn't enjoy it because it's so  _wrong_ but I can't help liking it."

"Who was it with?" asked James. Sirius sighed again. This part was going to be hard.

" _Please_  now, don't think I'm a creep or anything," said Sirius cautiously.

"I already think you're a creep," James joked, ruffling his friends hair. "Who was it?"

"James... really... I.. err..."

"C'mon!"

"It was w-w-with... err.." Sirius closed his eyes and prayed that James would understand. "It was with R-Regulus."

There was a long, painfully awkward silence following the words Sirius had spoke. Sirius chanced a look up at James who was staring right back at him with cold eyes. "Do you hate me?" Sirius asked in a small voice.

"I don't hate you," James said. "But you know who will?"

"Remus," mumbled Sirius.

"Sirius, you cheated on your boyfriend – who by the way, is the kindest, sweetest, most loving person I know – with your own  _brother_!"

"I know it sounds bad, but-"

"There  _is_  no 'but'!" shouted James. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking-"

"You  _never_  think, do you?"

"I'm sorry," muttered Sirius, looking back at his feet.

"Is it really me you should be apologizing to?" James asked. Sirius shook his head.

"I can't apologize to him," said Sirius. "I don't want him to know."

"He deserves to know, Sirius!"

"But I don't want to lose him," cried Sirius desperately. " _Please_  don't tell him."

"I'm not going to tell him, since I already said I wouldn't," James said. "But I don't understand why you did it!"

"I... he was scared at home and w-we were just talking and h-h-he just kind of k-kissed me," stuttered Sirius. "And it was great."

"You should be repulsed. It's disgusting!"

"I couldn't figure out my thoughts..."

" _Sirius_ ," hissed James. "I suggest you stop thinking of Regulus and promise me nothing will ever happen between the two of you again."

"I can't promise that," said Sirius sadly. "It's like you promising me you'll never think of Evans again."

"Get over yourself! At least when I think of Evans, I'm thinking of a girl who's single and very much unrelated to me, and at least I'm not  _cheating_  on the love of my life with her because she  _is_ the love of my life!  _You_  on the other hand, are already in a perfectly good relationship with the love of  _your_  life and you're being such a fucking prick by cheating on him with your own bloody brother! Honestly Sirius, be thankful you have Remus... you're so lucky to have somebody who loves you with all of his heart, and you're just taking advantage and being a selfish bastard!"

"I know," Sirius mumbled almost silently.

"IF YOU KNOW, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THAT TO HIM?"

"I don't know!" shouted Sirius, tears falling from his eyes. "I just don't know."

"Please stop," said James. "Do you realize how hurt he'll be when he finds out? And yes, he  _will_  find out if you don't stop immediately..."

"Not if we do it in secret," said Sirius.

"What sort of attitude is that? It's Ok to cheat on Remus if he doesn't know about it... is that what you believe?"

"Of course not... I didn't mean that," sighed Sirius. "I just don't think I  _can_  stop doing it."

"Give me one good reason why you can't stop going off and kissing your brother," James said, folding his arms and staring right into Sirius's eyes.

"B-because he makes me f-f-feel good," said Sirius.

"Doesn't Remus make you feel good?"

"Obviously he does! He makes me feel great, but I think Regulus makes me feel better."

"You're disgusting, Sirius," James spat. "C'mon, we need to go to Potions..."

"Yeah," mumbled Sirius, grabbing his bag and heading for the door. James put out a hand to stop him.

"I'm not happy with you at all, you know?" he said, and Sirius nodded. His cheeks were stained with tears and he couldn't look James in the eye.

* * *

They left the classroom and made their way down to the dungeons in silence. When they reached the classroom, they met Peter and Remus by the door.

"Sirius!" said Remus, running towards him and hugging him. Sirius smiled and stroked his boyfriends hair. He looked at James and noticed the sadness in his face as he watched the two of them together. When Remus pulled away, he looked up into Sirius's face and frowned.

"Have you been crying?" he asked.

"No," said Sirius quickly. "Why would you say that?"

"You look like you've been crying," said Remus, touching Sirius's cheek. "You're not upset or anything, are you?"

"Of course not Rem," said Sirius, smiling. "It must have just been from the wind getting in my eyes during Quidditch."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure. C'mon, let's go inside," he said, pulling Remus into the classroom. Remus, Sirius, James and Peter all shared a desk in the classroom, and Sirius could feel James's eyes on him throughout the duration of the lesson. Sirius sighed and looked at him.

"Have you got something to say?" he asked, teeth gritted.

"You know perfectly well I have something to say!"

"Fuck off... I thought you said you'd understand! Stop looking at me as if I'm some sort of creep!"

"Hey guys... err... what's going on?" asked Remus, looking from Sirius to James. Neither answered him, so he looked at Peter who shrugged.

"You're lucky I'm such a good friend," said James. "Otherwise I'd tell."

"Tell what?" asked Peter.

" _SHUT UP PETER_!" hissed Sirius.

"Hey, he was only curious," said Remus. "Siri... calm down!"

"I  _won't_  calm down!" shouted Sirius, shrugging Remus's hand off him. He stood up with his fists clenched by his side. "You're  _not_ a good friend!" he screamed at James, making other people in the class turn their heads to watch. "If you were a good friend you'd understand!"

" _SIRIUS_!" said Remus, pulling him back into his seat. "What's going on? What happened between the two of you?"

"None of your business," said Sirius angrily, getting up and storming out.

He walked as fast as his legs could carry him, his fists still clenched and his teeth gritted. How could James be so horrible? He'd confided in him, and yet James kept having a go at him! James was supposed to be the one who would understand! Sirius kicked the wall hard and let himself cry again, the tears rolling off his face relentlessly. He started climbing the stairs to get to the main school, his footsteps echoing off the stone walls loudly. Just as he was at the top step, he collided hard with someone, falling back down to the bottom of the stairs with a  _crash_.

"Sirius!" shouted a voice. Sirius groaned. His head was throbbing and he wasn't sure he could sit up. The corridor was out of focus and he could hear a loud ringing in his ears. He heard footsteps around him, but he couldn't move.

"Take him to the hospital wing," he heard someone say, and he felt himself being lifted. He was sure he could see his friends in the crowd of people standing around, and he could see a number of teachers. There were a few Slytherins gathered around and he could hear them sniggering and laughing at him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get to his bed so he could lie down and forget it all. Everything went black.

* * *

When he awoke, he realized he was lying in the hospital wing as the room, and his friends faces came into focus. He saw Peter, smiling at him. He could see James who looked sick with worry, and he could see Remus – poor, poor Remus, who had tears in his eyes. Remus grabbed hold of Sirius's hand and sat on the chair next to his bed.

"Sirius?" he asked quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Mmm," replied Sirius. "I'm good."

"Oh thank god for that!" said Remus, flopping forwards so that he was half lying over Sirius's body. Sirius looked down at his boyfriend and rubbed his back soothingly. Remus looked up at him with teary eyes. "You fell down so far," he sobbed. "And you weren't answering us when we were talking to you and I was so worried."

"It's all right Rem," said Sirius. "I feel fine now."

"Good," said Remus, standing up and rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," said James, stepping forward and sitting on the edge of his bed. He leaned forwards and whispered in Sirius's ear: "I'm sorry I wasn't very nice to you. I understand that you can't help how you feel and I mean, if you really want to do that to Remus then I can't stop you."

"Thank you James," Sirius said, smiling and pulling his friend into a heartfelt hug. This was all he needed; a little reassurance.

When his friends left, he felt himself falling asleep, this time much more happier than before. James understood, and that was all he could ask for.


	5. Heartbreak

**FORSAKEN DESIRES**

_**Heartbreak** _

Sirius opened his eyes slowly, taking in his surroundings. Nobody was sitting by his bed any more and his head was feeling a little bit better. Carefully putting his arms on the bed either side of him, he pushed himself up so that he was in a sitting position. He regretted it though, as a sudden wave of nausea rushed over him, forcing him to lie back down. He felt light-headed, but as though there was something heavy inside his brain at the same time... it was an odd sensation, but not a pleasant one. He closed his eyes again. Perhaps it was best to just lie there until he felt ready to get back to lessons again.

"Sirius?"

He recognised the voice straight away as Remus's, so he opened his eyes. Remus had been about to sit down, but stopped when Sirius had opened his eyes. Instead, he sat on the bed with Sirius and took his hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, looking straight into Sirius's eyes. Sirius smiled as he felt the familiar jolt in his stomach as he took in the beautiful sight in front of him.

"I'm all right," he answered. "I should just refrain from sitting up."

"Madam Pomfrey made me go back to class before," said Remus apologetically. "I really didn't want to leave you but I had to, sorry."

"I was sleeping anyway. The only thing you'd have missed was me drooling in my sleep," Sirius laughed.

"Well it's lunchtime so I brought you some food for if you get hungry," said Remus, gesturing to the tray of food he'd put on the bedside table.

"Aw Rem, you didn't have to do that," said Sirius.

"I just don't want you to be hungry," smiled Remus. "I hope you don't have to stay in overnight."

"Same," muttered Sirius. "I'm already bored out of my skull."

"Well you got out of History," Remus pointed out, and Sirius grinned.

"I guess that's one advantage of falling down the stairs."

"Yeah, I guess. Sorry, but I have to leave in a minute," said Remus sadly. "I'll be back later though."

"OK."

"I love you," Remus said softly, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on Sirius's lips.

"You too," Sirius replied quietly, smiling up at his boyfriend as he made his way out of the hospital wing. He sighed and thought about Remus. James had been wrong earlier – Remus wasn't the love of his life. As much as he adored the werewolf, he wasn't in  _love_  with him and he'd never been, though he felt something very close to love. In fact, if he was being totally honest with himself, Sirius believed that he was closer to loving Regulus than he was to loving Remus. This was completely  _wrong_  on so many levels and he knew this, but people just couldn't help who they fell for. If his parents ever found out...

Sirius tried his best not to think of the consequences. It was bad enough that  _he'd_  be disowned, but poor Regulus would be punished too, and Sirius couldn't bring himself to even imagine his younger brother in such a situation. If Regulus was to be disowned, he'd have nowhere to go. At least Sirius had James to turn to if he was ever disowned, but Regulus needed his family.  _Maybe_ , Sirius thought,  _this is a good reason to just stop carrying on with Regulus._  He didn't want his brother to get into trouble, after all. He closed his eyes, frustrated. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

As the day progressed, his friends came and left and it was getting darker and darker outside. The hallways were almost silent and Sirius was becoming restless. Madam Pomfrey had already told him that he was to spend the night in the hospital wing, but he was seriously considering just walking out.

"I'll be in the other room boys," called Madam Pomfrey, shutting the doors. "Call me if you need me." With that, she made her way into the room leading off the side of the main hospital ward.

"Sirius?" hissed a quiet voice from Sirius's left, making him jump in surprise. He turned his head to face the bed to his left, which had a curtain around it. After a minute, a head appeared between the curtains; Regulus's head.

"Reg!" shouted Sirius.

" _Shh_! Madam Pomfrey could hear..."

"Oh right, yeah... I completely forgot you were in here," said Sirius. It had seemed so long ago since the Quidditch match that morning. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I'm great," he answered, smiling. "Especially now that we're  _alone_."

"We are, aren't we?" Sirius smirked. "All... night... long."

"I like the sound of that," Regulus said, stepping closer to Sirius's bed. Sirius's breath hitched in his throat and his heart rate picked up. He desperately wanted to scream for Regulus to stay away, and tell him that he already had a boyfriend, but something inside him wasn't allowing him to do so. Something was protesting –  _telling_  him that he wanted this and that he didn't care that he had a boyfriend because Remus wasn't here to see it happening.

"Regulus, I don't know about this," Sirius said, backing away. Regulus didn't stop moving towards him however, and he kept smiling.

"Sirius?"

"Mmhmm?" gulped Sirius nervously.

"Do you like me?" Regulus asked seductively, climbing onto Sirius's bed so that he was almost on top of him. Sirius fought every impulse to reach up and press his lips against Regulus's. Unable to answer, he nodded, keeping his eyes glued on his brothers face. Regulus leaned down slowly, so that he was inches away from Sirius's face.

"I like  _you_ ," he said quietly, a small smile playing on his lips. "A lot."

"You do?" asked Sirius, feeling Regulus's warm breath on his face. If he just lifted his head a little, they'd be kissing.

"Very much," whispered Regulus. Sirius wondered how he'd never noticed how incredibly sexy his brother was before. The way he was on top of Sirius, whispering seductively, made a shiver run down Sirius's spine; an excited sort of shiver. Sirius lifted his hand up hesitantly to rest on the back of Regulus's neck, pulling him down so that their lips were only millimetres apart.

"Kiss me," breathed Sirius, closing his eyes. He kept them closed for a few seconds before he felt Regulus's lips press against his own. He felt Regulus's hands run down his arms, over his chest and down to his stomach. Letting out a quiet moan, Sirius pulled back for a second.

"Reg," he said softly, looking into Regulus's eyes. "Touch me."

Regulus kissed him again, this time more roughly, tangling his fingers in Sirius's messy hair. Sirius pulled his brothers body down on top of his, kissing back, pushing his tongue into Regulus's mouth forcefully. Regulus moved his hand down Sirius's side slowly, roaming further down his body until he pressed down on Sirius's crotch. Sirius let out a stifled moan and gasped at the electrifying touch.

".. Reg.. I.. ahh.. mmm... I love you," he said in between kisses and touches. Regulus pulled back, looking into Sirius's eyes.

"You  _what_?"

"I think I love you," Sirius whispered.

"You don't mean that," said Regulus, blushing.

"I do mean it," replied Sirius, smiling. He'd never meant anything more in his life. He realized now. He  _was_  in love with Regulus. Everything about his brother lured him in – his gorgeous shining eyes, his heart-lifting smile, his alluring scent, his unbelievably beautiful personality – Regulus was perfect in every way. He hadn't been able to comprehend it before – why when he was with Remus, his heart had never felt this full; the way he felt for Remus was nowhere  _near_ love. Sirius felt relieved that he had now finally worked it out – the jumble that had previously been messing with his head was fixed, and he felt a hundred times better. He grinned up at Regulus, their eyes meeting, making Sirius's heart want to leap out of his chest.

"I love you too," whispered Regulus. Sirius couldn't believe his ears – had Regulus really just said that? His frantic thoughts came to a halt when Regulus kissed him again – this time, lovingly. It didn't feel so forbidden any more to Sirius. It felt more  _right_. He kissed back with such passion, he felt like his heart would burst from excessive amounts of love. When they broke apart, Sirius couldn't help but grin at the flustered face of his brother. It was dark, but he could still see the tint of redness in Regulus's cheeks and his ruffled hair sticking up in all directions. Sirius supposed he looked similar with the flushed face and the messy hair, but on Regulus, it looked sexy as hell. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so happy.

Regulus rolled over so that he was lying next to Sirius in bed, and Sirius pulled the covers up so that they were both underneath.

"That was... I've never felt so good in my life," admitted Sirius, grinning and holding Regulus close to him.

"Really?" asked a small voice from the door.  _Fuck_ , thought Sirius. He sat up, ignoring the agonizing pain in his head. He felt his heart drop lower than he would've though possible. There, standing in the doorway, holding a box of chocolates and some sort of card was Remus. His eyes were wide and glistening with tears. He didn't look angry or upset – he looked utterly heart-broken. Sirius had a lump in his throat and he tried to talk, but no words made their way out of his mouth. What could he say?

"What are  _you_  doing here?" asked Regulus quickly, jumping out of the bed and making his way back to his own bed. "You're not supposed to be here!"

"Reg stop," said Sirius. Remus didn't deserve to be shouted at after the sight he'd just seen. Sirius turned his attention to Remus. "H-how long have you been there?"

"A while," croaked Remus sadly, looking at Sirius with so much pain in his eyes. Sirius couldn't face looking at him; the guilt was overwhelming and he didn't have a clue what to say. Remus spoke up again. "Sirius... I... I...  _why_  would you do that!" he asked with tears falling down his cheeks.

"I don't know Rem," mumbled Sirius.

"What do you mean?" asked Regulus suddenly. "You just  _told_  me you love me!"

"Regulus, please... not right now. Just go to sleep or something!"

"No," said Remus. "I should go. I obviously interrupted s-something." He turned around and started making his way out of the room, walking with his shoulders hunched and he seemed to be shaking.

Sirius hated himself. How could he do that to someone so kind and special? He felt like the meanest, nastiest person in the world.

"Remus, wait!" he shouted, getting out of his bed and rushing after him. His head was disagreeing with him. The pain was unbearable, but he didn't stop until he reached the doorway. He grabbed onto the wooden beam for support. " _Remus!_ "

Remus turned around, wiping a tear from his eyes. "What?"

"I... I'm so sorry, Rem... I don't even know what I was doing... I... oh god Remus, I feel so bad! Please don't hate me... I'm so  _so_  sorry..."

"I don't hate you," said Remus sadly. "I love you... and you obviously d-don't love me b-back. I understand." Sirius knew that wasn't true – Remus didn't understand. He could see the heart-break in Remus's eyes. He could see the sadness and emptiness in those beautiful eyes that he adored so much and he felt guiltier than he'd ever been before.

"But you don't understand," protested Sirius.

"I  _do_  understand! You'd rather be with your brother... family comes first... whatever Sirius," Remus said, putting the chocolates and the card down on the floor and walking down the corridor.

" _Remus_!" shouted Sirius, but Remus ignored him and carried on walking. Sirius sighed. Why couldn't he have a normal life, like everyone else? Why couldn't he be more like James? Or Peter? They'd never had to go through anything like this and Sirius wasn't sure he could handle it. He was only sixteen. Couldn't he be more like the other boys in his year? Couldn't his mind be set on Quidditch and girls? No.  _He_ had to have the complicated life.

He'd been perfectly happy when he was younger. His family loved him, and his mother didn't actually want to hurt him. He was sorted into Gryffindor and everything changed. He was frowned upon at home and his parents disliked him. In third year, he was perfectly happy – leading an almost normal life until horrible things began happening in the wizarding world. People were being murdered and his family were all for it. Once again, his happiness faded. Then, he'd been perfectly content being a normal, straight boy until he started developing feelings for Remus, and he felt miserable again. He'd been happy with Remus until he kissed Regulus, and his world had come crashing down. Now, he'd been happier than he'd felt in ages with Regulus, and Remus had walked in and caught him, replacing his happiness with anger and frustration and sadness. It seemed that every time he was happy, things went completely wrong.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there staring down the corridor where Remus had walked down, but he felt his head spinning and decided he'd better get back into bed. As he began to turn back, he noticed the chocolates and the card lying on the floor and bent down to pick them up. The chocolates were from Honeydukes and he'd been after them for weeks. He smiled and looked at the card. From what he could see, Remus had made it himself.

On the front, it said 'Get Well Soon' in gold writing. It was beautiful and Sirius could tell that it must have taken hours to make. He opened the card carefully to see the message inside:

_'Dear Sirius,_

_Do you know how worried I was when I saw you lying on the floor? I thought something terrible had happened. I thank god that you're not too badly hurt... I don't know what I'd do without you._

_I just wanted to tell you to get well soon... I need you back here making jokes and making me smile again. I just want you to be OK. I thought you would like the chocolates because I know you've had your eyes on them for weeks in Hogsmeade. You deserve them._

_You're the most amazing boyfriend I could possibly ask for... I can't even explain it to you! Just wanted to let you know that I love you more than ever and I feel like the luckiest person in the world just to have you by my side at nights and to have your arms around_ me _of all people. You've changed my life and I thought you should know that because having an accident like this makes me realize that I haven't told you enough how much I care about you._

 _Please,_ please _get better soon baby..._

_All my love,_

_Remus_

_xxx'_

Sirius swallowed. He was aware that he'd been crying while reading the card, and he felt like killing himself. This made everything seem a lot worse. Poor Remus had opened up, writing right from his heart and then walked in on his boyfriend snogging his  _own brother_. Sirius felt sick.

He'd been horrible.

Yes, he had established that he was now in love with Regulus, but he couldn't help feeling completely devastated that Remus probably didn't want to speak to him. Maybe it was because Remus was first-most his friend, and he didn't want to lose a friend...

Maybe he missed it. Maybe he missed the kisses and hugs and maybe he  _did_  like Remus more than he'd thought maybe it was just the words that Remus said that Sirius liked. All Sirius knew was that he'd be lucky if Remus ever spoke to him again, and he felt his heart sink at this realisation. Had he broken up the Marauder's? If Remus and Sirius weren't talking, then James and Sirius weren't talking, because James would definitely side with Remus. It would only be him and Peter left –  _if_  Peter was willing to speak to him.

He always had Regulus... but Regulus was a Slytherin, and Slytherin's didn't associate with Gryffindor's. Regulus wouldn't want to lose  _his_  friends by hanging around with Sirius, so he'd be by himself. Maybe he could speak to Lily... She would maybe understand...

His head was pounding and he felt like throwing up. With one last sigh, he felt himself fall down and hit the hard stone floor as everything blurred into darkness.


	6. Fights and Arrangements

**FORSAKEN DESIRES**

_**Fights and Arrangements** _

Sirius woke up at lunchtime the next day. Regulus hadn't dared try and sneak into his bed when Madam Pomfrey insisted to stay by and make sure Sirius didn't try to escape again. When Sirius opened a sleepy eye, he could see Madam Pomfrey tending to another patient across the room. He yawned and sat up.

"Can I go?" he asked sleepily. She turned to look at him worriedly.

"I suppose you can – as long as you're feeling OK..."

"I'm fine." His head wasn't hurting at all, and all he wanted to do was get out of the hospital wing.

"Well... you may leave. If your head begins hurting again, make sure you come back immediately, yes?" she said. Sirius nodded and got out of his bed.

He walked all the way up to the Gryffindor common room, and that's when it all came back to him.

Remus had seen it all – the kissing, the touching, the smiles. He'd heard the 'I love yous' and he'd watched Sirius admit his feelings for Regulus. Sirius closed his eyes as he wished he could go back in time and fix everything.

It was like he'd been drunk – waking up to remember all of the terrible things that had happened, and there was nothing he could do about it.

As he walked upstairs to his dormitory, he stopped before pulling on the handle. Would his friends want to talk to him? He hoped they did, but he couldn't blame them if they didn't. Taking in a deep breath, he opened the door.

"Sirius! Are you OK now?" asked Peter suddenly.

"I'm fine," Sirius said. It wasn't the truth. He was fine physically but not mentally. All he wanted to do was cry. He was going to be in so much trouble...

"So, what was actually wrong with you?"

"Er... I don't know... I didn't really ask," laughed Sirius. He'd been too pre-occupied with the battle in his head; Remus vs Regulus.

"You idiot," said Peter, shaking his head and sitting back down on his bed.

* * *

Peter didn't talk to him for the rest of the time he was in there (which wasn't very long). He ended up leaving the room and making his way towards the beech tree by the lake. As he got closer, he could see the outline of someone else sitting there, and turned around to make his way back up to his dorm. He could hear someone calling him, and he suspected it was the person who had been sitting under the tree. He didn't turn around to see who it was. Eventually though, the person caught up with him and he sighed when he recognised the voice.

"Are you an idiot?" shouted James, pushing Sirius to the floor with force. Sirius landed on the grass, staring up at his friend with sadness.

"Well  _say_  something then!"

"I... really... I'm just sorry," Sirius said lamely, and James laughed in a slightly scary way.

"WHY WOULD YOU  _DO_  THAT TO REMUS?" he spat angrily, kicking Sirius hard in the side. "HE  _LOVES_ YOU! YOU'RE HORRIBLE! YOU'RE NASTY! YOU'RE CRUEL! YOU'RE  _STUPID_! YOU'RE-"

"I  _know_  I am!" Sirius shouted back, as he stood up. "I don't know why I did it. I just... couldn't help myself."

"You  _couldn't help yourself_?" James said angrily. " _COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF?_ GET SOME SELF-CONTROL YOU BASTARD!"

"I said I was sorry! What else can I do? I thought you said you understood?"

"That was  _me_  being an idiot. I don't understand any more! You  _know_  how much Remus adores you! If you  _really_ wanted to kiss your brother, then you should have at least broken up with Remus first, so he wouldn't walk in on the two of you and feel his heart break! Well guess what? That's what happened, and he's such a mess now! You've ruined him! You should see him Sirius! You should honestly feel so ashamed of yourself!"

"I  _do_ feel ashamed of myself James! But there's no way I can fix it now – the damage is done."

"You know what, Sirius? Just fuck off. We don't need you in our lives," said James coldly, walking away.

" _Please_ , James! I don't want to lose you too!"

"I said  _fuck off_."

"Fine," Sirius said quietly. "I guess I deserve it."

James ignored him.

"AT LEAST I CAN  _GET_  THE PEOPLE I WANT! I DON'T SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE CHASING AFTER THEM!"

James flinched, but continued walking.

"AND AT LEAST THEY ACTUALLY  _LOVE_  ME BACK! UNLIKE YOU! WHO'D LOVE  _YOU_  ANYWAY? YOU'RE ARROGANT AND MEAN AND A BULLY. LILY WILL  _NEVER_  WANT YOU. I MEAN IT.  _NEVER_!"

James turned around and lunged at Sirius knocking them both to the floor. James punched Sirius hard in the face, making his nose bleed, while Sirius punched every part of James he could reach. The fight was causing a crowd to surround them, but they didn't stop. Finally, Peter arrived and pulled the two of them apart.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking at both of them, who were glaring at each other. Both boys were covered in cuts and bruises, and they had their fists clenched. James pulled out his wand and pointed it at Sirius.

" _FLIPENDO_!" he screamed, making Sirius fly backwards into a crowd of people watching. He got to his feet quickly, and pulled his own wand out.

" _FURNUNCULUS_!" James' face immediately broke out in huge, pus-filled boils. Many people in the crowd laughed at this, but Sirius couldn't bring himself to even smile. He was angry,  _furious_. He wasn't even sure  _why_  he was so angry. After all, it was all his own fault.

" _INCARCEROUS_ " cried James, and Sirius quickly pointed his wand back at James before the spell took effect.

" _PROTEGO_!" he shouted, and James was wrapped up in ropes, falling to the ground. Sirius didn't bother saying another word to him. He walked back up towards the castle, not forgetting to kick James on the way. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around angrily.

"That was wonderful, Black," said Lily excitedly. "Well done."

"Go away Evans. I'm not in a great mood," Sirius muttered, pushing her away.

"How rude!" she yelled at him, but he ignored her as he made his way through the doors.

* * *

He knew he would get in trouble, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd got himself into a huge mess and he wasn't sure how he was going to fix it. He could feel a prickling feeling in his eyes, and he knew they were tears.

He'd lost his best friend  _and_ his boyfriend (who was also a best friend). He wasn't sure how to deal with the loss. Remus and James had always been there for him, and now they were gone. After today, neither of them would want to talk to him again, and he couldn't blame them. He  _had_  been stupid, and cruel. He knew that under everything he'd tried so hard to make, he was really still a Black at heart. It killed him to admit it, but he was certain it was true.

He wasn't aware of where his feet were taking him, and his vision was blurred by the tears in his eyes. He continued walking until he walked straight into someone. He was about to back away, but instead, he was engulfed in a heartfelt embrace, and he knew at once that it was Regulus. He sighed and let himself be comforted, as that was all he really needed at that moment. Regulus was the only person who was there for him (except for Peter, who'd probably side with James as soon as he learnt what happened). He felt himself calm down as Regulus rubbed up and down his back soothingly.

"What's wrong?" he asked after a while.

"Nothing."

"There's obviously something wrong," he said, pulling back and looking Sirius in the eyes.

"It's just... I've made a big mess," Sirius said, sniffing.

"It's to do with what happened between us last night, isn't it?" asked Regulus, biting his lip guiltily. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble."

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I was an idiot. You didn't know."

"Didn't know what?" asked Regulus.

"I had a boyfriend," Sirius admitted sadly. Regulus frowned.

"You cheated on him, then."

"Yeah," said Sirius. "I feel so terrible, but Reg... I really meant what I told you last night."

"You did?" Regulus asked, with a small smile on his face. Sirius nodded. "I meant what I said too."

"Thank Merlin for that! I was worrying that it wasn't true, and that I'd lost everyone."

"Lost everyone? Who else did you lose?" Regulus asked, concerned.

"Well I obviously lost Remus... he was my boyfriend, and well... you saw... he kind of walked in on us last night. Then, I lost James, who was mad at me for doing what I did."

"I'm sorry you had to lose them," said Regulus sympathetically.

"It's OK. You're worth it, really," Sirius replied, grinning at his brother. "I want  _you_. Only you."

"Really?"

"Of course," Sirius said. He looked around quickly before planting a quick kiss on Regulus' lips. Regulus smiled and blushed, grabbing hold of Sirius' hand and lacing their fingers together.

"Does this make me your boyfriend?" Regulus asked excitedly. Sirius thought for a moment.

"Yes, it does," he smiled back at Regulus, who beamed at him.

"Nobody can know though," Regulus said quietly. "We'd be in so much trouble."

"Yeah, I know. Well, it isn't exactly unusual for our family, is it?"

"What do you mean?" asked Regulus.

"The whole family's incestuous," Sirius winked. "Just not  _this_  incestuous. I still reckon mum and dad would kill us if they found out."

"Obviously. It means that nobody will carry on the Black line," said Regulus, and Sirius thought about it.

There was Andromeda, who was married to Ted Tonks. Their baby, Nymphadora, had the surname of Tonks, which broke off the Black line there. Then, there was Narcissa, who would probably marry and change her name, and Bellatrix, who was already married to Rodolphus Lestrange. Then, there was only himself and Regulus left, and if the two of them stayed together, that meant they'd be the last people in the Black family. Sirius grinned at the thought. He'd end the most pureblood family in Britain. It was a beautiful thought.

"Reg, I don't feel like staying in this corridor... how about we venture to the Room of Requirement? We could have a little fun in there, I think," Sirius winked, and Regulus looked confused.

"What's the Room of Requirement?" he asked. Sirius gaped at him.

"Only the greatest room in the entire school... maybe even the entire  _world_!" Sirius said, grabbing Regulus and pulling him through a tapestry to their right. He led Regulus up a few flights of stairs and through more tapestries until they finally reached a blank stretch of wall.

"How did you know all of those shortcuts?" Regulus asked him.

"Secrets," said Sirius mysteriously, closing his eyes. When he opened them, he smiled at Regulus' face. The door had appeared and Regulus looked completely awestruck. Sirius opened the door, and Regulus' face lit up more.

"Wow," he breathed as he took in the room. It was  _huge_ , filled with lots of things suitable for a steamy night. Sirius felt excited just looking at the items in the room, and the huge, king-sized, four-poster bed in the middle of the room made his mouth water. He looked at his brother – no,  _boyfriend_ , and licked his lips.

"How's this?" he asked. Regulus shook his head disbelievingly.

"Since when has a room like  _this_  been in a school?" Regulus asked.

"Since I required it. See, this room appears only when someone requires to use it. It can be used for anything, and I think you can see what's been on my mind."

"I can definitely see what's been on your mind," Regulus said, taking a step into the room. Sirius grabbed his arm, and pulled him back.

"Wait a minute, we're not doing anything right now," Sirius said.

"Aww why not?" whined Regulus. "That's not fair! You can't just bring me up here and then send me away again."

"It's the middle of the day," laughed Sirius. "Let's not be  _too_  eager. Plus, it'll be much more fun tonight."

"Tonight?" Regulus asked, and Sirius could almost hear the lust in his voice.

"Meet me here, straight after dinner. My room-mates won't be missing me tonight."

"Ok, straight after dinner," Regulus grinned. "I can't wait."

"Neither can I," said Sirius, as Regulus, pulled him in for a light kiss and walked down the corridor to join his friends, wherever they may be.

* * *

Sirius felt a lot happier now that he'd arranged a hot, steamy night with Regulus, so as he made his way towards the Gryffindor common room, he didn't expect to see Professor McGonagall and James Potter standing by the portrait hole, both with an angry glare in their eyes. Sirius sighed, and headed for his deathbed.


	7. Love To Hate

Sirius was sentenced to a week worth of detentions for his fight with James, and what made it worse was the fact that he had to spend these detentions  _with_  James, who was also being punished for being involved. Another thing that made the detention worse than ever was that he was having it straight after dinner. He'd already decided that he'd skip tonight's detention, seeing as he already had plans.

When Professor McGonagall had told James and Sirius what their punishment was, James had stalked off in the other direction, leaving Sirius by himself. He'd entered the common room and went straight up to his room after enduring a minute of people staring at him.

He'd been there ever since, lying on his bed, trying to forget everything that had happened with James and Remus and trying to focus more on his night with Regulus. He was slowly drifting off to sleep when the door opened and someone came into the room. Sirius wasn't sure if he wanted to know who it was, but he opened his eyes anyway to see someone sitting on the bed opposite him.

Sirius gulped and sat up in his bed. Remus looked a mess; his eyes were red and bloodshot, and he looked as if he'd been attacked by the Whomping Willow. He wasn't looking at Sirius, but he was reading a book that was resting on his legs. Sirius sighed and cleared his throat. Remus flinched, but didn't look up.

"...Hi," Sirius tried pathetically. There was no answer. Sirius tried again. "Look Remus, I know you're mad but  _please_ , can I speak to you?"

Remus looked up from his book for a second. The look in his eyes almost killed Sirius – a look of pure anger, hurt, hatred,  _betrayal_. However, Remus didn't speak. He grabbed the curtains on his bed and pulled them together quickly, so that Sirius could no longer see him.

"I'm sorry Remus," said Sirius in a small whisper.

There was no answer, just the sound of Remus turning the page to his book.

"Please forgive me!"

No answer.

"I was an idiot."

No answer.

" _Please_  just  _STOP_  ignoring me!" shouted Sirius, tears in his eyes. Once again, there was no answer. Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He got up and marched over to Remus' bed, wrenching the curtains open with force. Remus slammed his book shut and took in a deep breath.

"Rem? I said it before, and I'll say it again. I am  _truly_  sorry," Sirius said. "Could we just, you know... be friends?"

Remus laughed. "Friends?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, why not?" asked Sirius, a little bit happier that now Remus was talking to him.

"Why would you think," Remus said in a harsh tone. "That I would  _want_  to be your friend?"

"I can understand why you wouldn't. I know I was the biggest prick in the world, and I know I don't deserve to have you as a friend, but  _please_. We were friends before we got together, and if we'd been just friends when I did what I did, then you wouldn't have been angry."

"True. But, you know what, Sirius? We  _were_ together when you did what you did, so I  _am_  angry. I'm lost, I'm empty, I'm stressed, I'm hurt, I feel like crap! You lied to me, you betrayed me... I _trusted_ you! How could you do that to me?"

"I swear I didn't do it to hurt you," Sirius said desperately. "I  _promise_  you, I didn't want to ever hurt you."

"Why should I believe your promises? I  _can't trust you_. For all I know, maybe you  _did_  want to hurt me. There's no telling with you. I just don't know! I don't even know why I'm talking to you right now, because at the moment I feel like hurting you. I want to hurt you as badly as you hurt me! I want you to feel it! Maybe then that'll make you realise how much things really _do_  hurt, and then you'll think twice before cheating on someone in the future!"

"I don't know what to say," mumbled Sirius.

"Good," Remus said, pushing past Sirius and heading for the door.

"Wait!" shouted Sirius, running to stand in front of the door, blocking Remus' way. Remus gritted his teeth.

"Move."

"No, I'm not moving until we work this out," Sirius said.

"Sirius. I mean it. Move, right now."

"I'm not moving!" shouted Sirius. Remus closed his eyes in frustration and then grabbed Sirius by the arm and attempted to pull him away from the door.

"For god's sake! Move!" he shouted when Sirius wouldn't budge. "I want to leave this room because I can't stand it being in here with you anymore. Get out of my way!"

"I already told you," Sirius said calmly. "I will not move, until we fix it."

"Sirius?" Remus said angrily.

"Yes?"

"If you don't move away from the door  _right_  now, I swear I'll never speak to you again."

Sirius didn't move. He stood, rooted on the spot. Remus looked at him with tears in his eyes, and Sirius saw Remus' shoulders sag as he turned around and headed back to his bed without saying a word. Sirius watched as he slid under the covers, turning to face the wall.

"Remus?" he asked tentatively. "I... I really don't want our relationship to be like this. I just... I think we should at least remain friends."

Remus was obviously choosing to ignore him again, as no sound came out of his mouth.

"Look, I'm  _sorry_  I didn't let you leave, but I just think we should fix this sooner than later!" Sirius said.

No answer.

" _REMUS_!" yelled Sirius, losing his temper. He stepped towards Remus' bed and nudged him hard. "Would you at least  _listen_  to me?"

"I  _am_  listening to you," Remus said, sitting up.

"You are?" asked Sirius hopefully.

"What other choice do I have? You won't let me leave, and every single time I ignore you, you come right up in my face and  _make_  me talk to you!"

"Sorry about that," said Sirius.

"You have so many things to be sorry about! You're so frustrating! I thought you were something special! I thought I was the luckiest person in the world, but I was wrong. I feel luckier now that I'm rid of you," Remus spat, standing up and heading back to the door.

The words cut through Sirius like a knife, leaving him feeling more wounded than ever.

"You don't mean that," he said. Remus turned around and smiled maliciously.

"See what it feels like? It actually hurts, doesn't it? Imagine having to go through that pain, but a hundred times worse? What would that feel like?"

"I told you this before! I didn't  _want_ to hurt you!"

"But you knew that if I ever found out, I'd be devastated," said Remus. "If you didn't want to hurt me, then why did you do it in the first place?"

"That was the only time I did it," lied Sirius. "Just once, and it was an accident. I bumped my head, remember? I wasn't thinking clearly! Please, just... at least give me a chance to prove to you that we can still be friends."

Remus didn't reply immediately. He stared at Sirius for a second in disbelief.

"You are  _such_  a liar!" he shouted.

"I'm not lying!"

"I know you're lying! Here's a little tip, if you intend to lie to people, make sure tell everyone the same story!"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked.

"James told me you'd done it  _three_  times. And you told him that  _before_  I caught you last night... so you've cheated on me four times. That's not something I can just get over Sirius, and now you've lied to me about it. You're really not doing yourself any favours here."

"You know what?"

"What?" Remus said angrily.

"I don't know why I bother with you. Honestly. I've tried to make amends but you just won't allow me to make it up to you."

"Ok," Remus said. "I'm glad you've given up."

"I haven't given up. I'll never give up, but I just... I don't... ah, Rem... when have you ever seen me like this? Doesn't this show you how much I care?"

"You don't  _care_! I know why you're doing it. You don't have any friends. Pete's heard what happened too, you know? He doesn't want to speak to you. James  _definitely_  doesn't want to speak to you, and I think you know I don't want to talk to you. You only want me to forgive you so you have a friend. Am I right?"

"No, you're not right."

"And I honestly hope that Regulus realises what a bastard you are," Remus continued. "I hope you lose him too. "

"How  _dare_  you?"

"Oh, so it wasn't just one time. It wasn't just something you did because you bumped your head. You  _really_  care about him, do you?"

"You know what? Fine, I admit. I  _do_  care about him. I love him," Sirius said. He saw the sadness in Remus' eyes, but continued anyway. "It's true. I kissed him at home and I felt so bad about it because I was with you and I cared about you too. I tried my hardest to forget what happened, but when we got back to school, I bumped into him and it happened again. That was the night you told me you loved me, and you don't know how guilty I was. I was so mad with myself, and I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again. Obviously, you know me – I'm an idiot. I kissed him again after Quidditch and I loved it. I just couldn't help it... I never wanted it to hurt you, and I know it did, but I didn't mean to, and I'm sorry. And then you saw what happened last night. It was when I realised my feelings for him, and I found out he felt the same way. I couldn't help being happy about it, but obviously there was a choice to make. You or Regulus? I'll be truthful with you Remus... I love him more than I ever loved you, and I don't mean it in a horrible way... I just mean it because that was how I had to make my choice. I just hoped that you would forgive me and we could be friends. Saying out loud now, I realise that I made a huge mistake, and I was horrible, and it's a lot to ask for."

Remus took a while to answer; he seemed to be thinking about what Sirius had said. He sighed.

"It  _is_  a lot to ask for," he said.

"Yes, and I'll understand if you hate me after all of that, but I'm just hoping that you have enough goodness in your heart to forgive me."

"You're right, Sirius. I hate you. I really  _really_  hate you," Remus said emotionlessly, pushing past Sirius and leaving the room.

Sirius dropped down on Remus' bed, trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to form. He tried not to get upset over it – he'd been expecting it to happen.

He knew now that Remus was right. He had no friends left. All he had was Regulus. He  _needed_  Regulus, otherwise he'd be alone.

Remus had completely ruined his mood and he suddenly wasn't so excited to meet up with Regulus tonight. He knew of course, that it would change as soon as he saw Regulus, and that was one of the reasons he knew he was in love with him. Every single time he saw his boyfriend, everything in the world – all of his problems – seemed to dissolve away. It was like Regulus was a cure to anything bad that had happened to him, and Sirius smiled. He was glad that he at least had  _someone_  in his life that cared about him, and that Regulus  _would_  be there forever because they were related. No matter what happened, Regulus would be in his life one way or another, and that was all he needed to think about at the moment to stop himself from breaking down and losing it completely.


	8. The Room of Requirement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Sexual Content

Dinner came and went. Sirius didn't pay much attention to what he was eating, and he made no attempt to speak to Peter, Remus or James. They made no attempt to speak to him in return. Sirius could still hear Remus' harsh words in his head, replaying over and over again, giving him a horrendous head-ache.

_'You're right, Sirius. I hate you.'_

So Remus  _hated_ him? How could that be – if, only last night he'd said he loved him!

' _I hate you_ '

The same words kept ringing through his ears... again, again  _again_.

 _'I feel luckier now I'm rid of you_ '

Was it true? Sirius wasn't sure, but he couldn't help believe it. Remus' words had sounded truthful, and that is what hurt Sirius the most. There were no joking tones, or hesitant words.

 _'I can't stand it being in here with you_ '

Sirius gave a low grunt and stood up abruptly from the table meeting Peters eyes. He looked...  _pitiful..._ a little sympathetic – Sirius was thankful that at least someone was seeing his side of things clearly. Remus had been lying; Peter  _did_  want to speak to him... on some level. Giving Peter a grim smile, he left the table and headed towards the doors.

* * *

After the argument with Remus, Sirius had completely forgotten what was planned for tonight until he spotted Regulus standing against the stone wall on the opposite side of the corridor leading off the great hall. He had his arms folded and a smirk on his face.

Sirius' heart gave a little involuntary flutter of excitement as he took in a deep breath and stepped towards Regulus slowly.

"Hey," he said shyly, grinning at his brother.

"Well hello," Regulus replied, running his hand up Sirius' arm, making a blush creep onto Sirius' face. Regulus gazed up at him lustfully. "Come to take me up to bed?" he asked.

"Bed sounds very intriguing right now," Sirius bit his lip, trying hard not to grin again. "As long as we don't sleep."

"Sleep!" exclaimed Regulus. "Why would we want to sleep when there are so many exciting activities to try out?"

Regulus gave a wink that let the butterflies into Sirius' stomach. Sirius leaned down so that his mouth was by Regulus' ear.

"Let's go, babe," he whispered, grabbing Regulus and pulling him away from the wall.

* * *

The journey up to the Room of Requirement wasn't too memorable for Sirius as all he could think about was the pleasant fluttering of butterflies in his stomach. He couldn't help smiling when he looked into the face of his brother, who was wearing a matching smile. Sirius hoped that it meant he was also experiencing the butterflies.

When the door appeared, Sirius stood rooted on the spot, staring into the luxurious room. Dark red light filled the room, creating the illusion of love and romance, but the bed told otherwise. The ebony wood of the four-poster bed mixed with the silky red sheets suggested more sensual purposes – purposes that Sirius was more inclined to act on.

Regulus let go of his hand and stepped in, staring around at the room in awe. He then turned to face Sirius and sat down on the edge of the bed, patting the spot next to him with a small smile on his face. Gulping, Sirius stepped into the room and closed the door. He sat down on the bed next to his boyfriend and stared into his chocolate brown eyes. Not being able to help himself, he spoke.

"Your eyes," he breathed quietly. "They're gorgeous."

"You think so?"

"I can't stop... looking into them."

Regulus laughed. "I love your eyes too."

"Thanks," Sirius said. "I... erm... I haven't done anything like this before."

"Neither have I," admitted Regulus, wrapping his arms around Sirius' neck and staring up at him. "Should we just... experiment?"

"Experiment? Sounds exciting to me," Sirius grinned, leaning down and kissing Regulus softly on the lips. His arms moved slowly down his brothers back, down to his waist, where he rested his hands. He pulled his boyfriend closer as he deepened the kiss, letting his tongue slide over Regulus' lips.

A soft moan emitted from Regulus' mouth as he allowed Sirius' tongue entrance, parting his lips slightly.

He massaged Regulus' tongue with his own, pulling his body even closer so that they were pressed tightly together; entwined. Sirius felt Regulus' fingers running through his hair. He sucked on his brothers bottom lip, and Regulus tugged at Sirius' hair as he threw his head back.

Sirius took this as a chance and leaned forwards carefully, leaving a small trail of kisses down Regulus' neck. The younger boy gasped at each kiss, gripping on to Sirius tighter.

The small sounds coming from Regulus' mouth made Sirius' mouth water. He pulled away, leaving his brother breathless. He let himself fall back on the bed, so that his head was resting on the pillow.

"Come and get me," he said seductively. Regulus didn't need telling twice – within two seconds of Sirius' words, he was already straddling him with a grin plastered on his face.

"I've got you," he replied, leaning down and planting a kiss on Sirius' lips. "I've got you under my spell."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that!" Sirius said excitedly, grabbing Regulus' waist and pulling him down on top of him.

The sudden contact of the boys' erections made them both gasp, but neither of them moved. They stayed in the same position for a moment, just speaking through unspoken words; searching each others eyes.

Regulus traced his hand up his brothers body – up to his chest, where he rested it, still gazing into Sirius' cloudy grey eyes.

Sirius could tell his heart was beating incredibly fast and hard; especially now that Regulus had his hand rested right over it. He knew that his brother could feel his rapid heartbeat, and he smiled when he realised the look in Regulus' eyes; a look of pure love. The way he looked at Regulus, and the way Remus used to look at him.

"Your heart," Regulus said simply, not looking away from Sirius.

"It's beating like that for you," Sirius said, lifting his own hand and resting it on Regulus' heart. He was delighted to find that his boyfriend's heartbeat was as rapid as his own.

"I love you," said Regulus. Before Sirius could answer, Regulus laughed. "I felt your heart beat faster when I said that."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"It's because I love you too," replied Sirius, pulling Regulus down for another kiss.

"Mmm... take your clothes off," Regulus said, biting his lip and leaning back to observe Sirius.

"Take  _yours_  off," said Sirius with a smirk. Regulus hesitated, and then slid his hand down Sirius' side, grabbing at the corner of his shirt, and lifting it up.

The naked flesh of Sirius' torso made Regulus' eyes glaze over, and he immediately began pulling the shirt harder, lifting it over his head and staring, open-mouthed at the boy underneath him.

"Wow," he said breathlessly. He ran his fingers down the toned muscles of Sirius' chest and stomach, and Sirius couldn't help but getting more and more aroused by the whole situation. Regulus was touching him – he was  _actually_   _touching him_.

"Reg," Sirius said.

"Mm?"

"Once we do this, there's no turning back."

Regulus sighed, and nodded, still massaging Sirius' muscles in a way that made his skin tingle extraordinarily. Not taking his eyes off Sirius, Regulus leaned in for a kiss, while his hands worked on undoing Sirius' belt.

Sirius felt as his brother unzipped his trousers, and he had to to restrain himself from ripping off Regulus' clothes and ravishing him completely. His erection was throbbing painfully, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. As Regulus pulled his trousers off, Sirius made up his mind – he  _needed_  this. Right now.

He grabbed at Regulus' clothes and tore them off him savagely, revealing the very sight Sirius was so longing to see. Sirius couldn't deny it; his brothers body was perfect – stunning. He was paralysed by the mere sight of it, and the thought of that body doing erotic things to him almost sent him over the edge.

Regulus teasingly played with the elastic of Sirius' boxers, and Sirius couldn't stand it any longer. He grabbed at his brothers hand and slipped it under the elastic.

Sirius let out a sigh of relief as he felt the other boy's fingers brush his erection. He struggled with words...

"Mm... again Reg.. ah." A low moan escaped his mouth as his brother began rubbing his hand up and down his length slowly, rhythmically.

Sirius wasn't even sure that it was supposed to be like this, but he wasn't complaining. The sensation was wonderful. He reached up to run his fingers through Regulus' hair, as his brother continued playing with his cock menacingly.

"Feels so good!" Sirius gasped as Regulus moved his thumb over the slit.

"You like that, do you?" whispered Regulus. "How about this?"

He lowered himself so that his face was only inches away from Sirius' erection, and without hesitation, Sirius thrust forward.

Regulus opened his mouth and ran his tongue over the head of Sirius' cock, before taking him in his mouth fully. Sirius couldn't hold back the gasps and moans. He'd never felt anything like it before.

He looked down at his brother, who – Sirius realised – looked incredibly sexy. His hair was rough and messy, and his expression was filled with lust. Regulus peered up through his dark lashes into Sirius' eyes – he appeared to be enjoying it as much as Sirius was. He leaned forward, rubbing his own erection against Sirius', and let out a loud groan of pleasure.

"Reg... I.. oh.. going to... mm..."

"Not yet," whispered Regulus seductively. "Not now."

Sirius growled and flipped his brother over so that  _he_  was now on top of Regulus.

"Your turn," he grinned and kissed his way down Regulus' body, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin, enthralled to hear the sexy sounds coming from Regulus' mouth at every small touch.

Sirius didn't stop as he reached Regulus' cock – he kept kissing as the moans got louder and more urgent.

"Stop it," groaned Regulus. "Just... just do it... oh!"

Sirius closed his mouth over his brothers member and started moving alongside Regulus' thrusts. Sirius' hands roamed over the other boys torso; his breathing was growing quicker and quicker, and he was struggling to keep his thrusts constant.

Sirius lifted his head and looked up at his brother, winking, and pulling him into a desperate kiss. Both boys were on the edge, ready to fall over, and the kiss grew more and more frantic. Regulus thrust down hard on Sirius' crotch, sending him over the edge.

"Fuck," Regulus breathed as he came all over Sirius' stomach. Sirius was pushed over the edge by the mere sight of his brothers orgasm, and he let out a scream of ecstasy as he, himself, reached orgasm.

The two stayed there, breathing hard. Both were flushed, and finally, Sirius' arms gave way and he collapsed on top of Regulus.

They were a sweaty, sticky mess, but Sirius didn't care. It had been absolutely wonderful.

"Scourgify," Regulus muttered, and the bed was clean again.

"Reg... it was amazing," said Sirius, rolling over so that he was lying next to his brother. Regulus snuggled closer.

"I know," he mumbled, leaning up to kiss Sirius.

"Love you," Sirius whispered, wrapping his arms around Regulus, who placed a hand on Sirius' cheek.

"I love you too," he replied.

They fell asleep like that; holding each other close. Sirius couldn't remember a time he'd been happier, and he just never wanted to wake up.


	9. Loneliness

Sirius awoke the next morning to find Regulus' arms wrapped around him, and his face pressed against Sirius' chest. He could feel the slow breathing of his boyfriend, and he smiled to himself as he sifted his fingers through Regulus' soft hair. The previous night had been absolutely wonderful, and he couldn't help but feel like the luckiest person in the world. As he looked down at Regulus' sleeping form, he grinned and kissed the top of his head.

After a while, Regulus started stirring, and Sirius held on to him tighter.

"Mmm... Sirius?"

"Yeah?" whispered Sirius, peering down into Regulus' eyes.

"Hi," Regulus replied with a shy smile. Sirius leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Morning," he said. Regulus slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Wow," he said, looking down at Sirius. "Last night..."

"I know," grinned Sirius.

"It was perfect," Regulus said. "Amazing."

"Just like you," said Sirius, winking and sitting up to pull Regulus in for yet another kiss. This one lasted a little longer, and it was extremely hard for Sirius to stop.

Regulus laughed. "Thanks. Hey, do you know what the time is?"

"Umm... no idea," Sirius said. "Why?"

"We have lessons today," Regulus groaned. "And people were probably wondering why we weren't in our dorms last night."

"Pfft," Sirius said. "My room-mates wouldn't notice."

"Are they still not talking to you?" asked Regulus.

Sirius shook his head sadly. "I wish I could fix it."

"I'm sure they'll start speaking to you soon," Regulus said with a small smile.

"What if they don't?"

"They  _will_ ," reassured Regulus. "But,  _if_  not, then you always have me."

"You have your own friends," mumbled Sirius.

"I'll always have time for you," said Regulus.

"Really?"

"Of course," he grinned, planting a kiss on Sirius' lips and jumping out of bed. "Now, we should get ready for lessons.

"Oh  _no_!" Sirius grumbled, falling back onto his pillow.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm going to be in  _so_  much trouble with McGonagall," he groaned. "Missed my detention."

"Oh," Regulus said. "When was it?"

"Last night," said Sirius. "But I'd already made plans with you. I didn't want  _her_  to ruin my night."

"We should have just rescheduled," Regulus said. "But I'm not complaining," he added. "It was the best night of my life."

"It was?"

"Yep."

"It was the best night of  _my_  life, too," said Sirius.

**"""""""""""""""**

"Where were you?" snapped James, as Sirius sat down at the breakfast table. Sirius glared at him.

"Why should I tell  _you_?"

"McGonagall wants to know," said James.

"Well you can tell McGonagall that-"

"- That?" said an angry voice from above him. He looked up into the face of Professor McGonagall, who didn't look very impressed. "What can he tell me?" she asked.

"That I completely forgot to go to the detention last night, and I'm terribly sorry," he said, giving her an innocent smile.

"And where were you last night, when you should've been in your dormitory?" Professor McGonagall asked sternly.

"In the prefects bathrooms," Sirius lied. "My  _friends_  and I had a fallout, and I didn't want to sleep in their room, so I slept in the bathroom instead."

"And how do you know how to get into that bathroom? You aren't a prefect."

"Remus told me," he said quickly, giving Remus an apologetic glance.

"And why would you tell him, Mr Lupin?" McGonagall asked, rounding on Remus.

"I'm sorry, Professor," Remus said quietly. "I didn't know he'd try and sneak in there."

"Twenty points from Gryffindor each," she answered, looking between them angrily. "And Mr Black, you will have an extra long detention tonight."

"Yes, Professor," Sirius mumbled, as she walked towards the staff table. James, Remus and Peter were silent, and Sirius decided to focus on something else to ease the tension. He began waffling down his breakfast, hoping he could get out before the situation got any more awkward. After a while, Peter and James stood up and left, leaving Sirius and Remus alone in silence.

"Where  _were_  you?" Remus asked suddenly, making Sirius look up.

"I already told you!" replied Sirius angrily. "In the prefects bathroom!"

"Yeah. Right," said Remus coldly. "Were you with Regulus?" he asked sadly. Sirius decided he'd better be truthful if he ever wanted Remus back as a friend.

"Yeah," he replied. "I was."

"Oh," said Remus, looking down at his hands. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, it was great," said Sirius. He noted that Remus looked close to tears. Biting his lip, he spoke. "I'm sorry, Rem. I'm trying to be truthful with you, but I can see that it's upsetting you."

"I'm not upset!" Remus snapped. His eyes were filled with tears, and Sirius wasn't sure what to do.

"Oh... OK... umm... sorry," he said awkwardly. A few minutes went by, and neither of them spoke. Finally, the silence was broken again by Remus.

"What did you do?" he asked. "With Regulus?"

"It's-" Sirius sighed. "-I don't really want to tell anyone."

"Why?"

"It's private," said Sirius.

"Of course," Remus replied, nodding, and looking away.

"Did you mean what you said?" Sirius blurted out. "When you said you hate me?"

"I..." Remus looked torn. "No," he said quietly. "I didn't mean it. I was angry."

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness for that," he said.

"Did you ever love me?" Remus asked in barely a whisper. Sirius gulped.

"I  _thought_  I did," he replied. "I honestly thought I did."

"But you didn't?" Remus said, his voice breaking. "You never loved me?"

"No," said Sirius. "I never loved you," his voice sounded cold – not how he intended it to sound.

"I thought you  _did_ ," said Remus.

"I'm sorry," Sirius answered, trying not to cry, himself. Remus wiped away a tear, and stood up abruptly.

"I love you," he said. "And I always will. Just...  _think_  about what you've done. Maybe you'll regret it..."

With that, he walked off, leaving Sirius speechless.

He could honestly say, he felt like a complete monster. Though he absolutely  _loved_  Regulus, it didn't stop him from feeling extremely upset when Remus said these things to him. He hated breaking Remus' heart, and he knew that every time Remus  _saw_  him, he was breaking it a little bit more.

Sirius thought of what it would feel like if Regulus cheated on  _him_. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand it – it would be terrible. Pity washed through him as he thought of poor Remus, who had to go through that pain, of watching the person you love, fall in love with someone else.

But Sirius didn't regret it. Being with Regulus was the most amazing feeling he could ask for, and if that meant hurting people along the way, then so be it. Regulus was perfect for him in every way, and the feelings were reciprocated.

With Remus, it had been one-sided love, but with Regulus, it was returned. That was all Sirius could ask for.

**"""""""""""""""**

The day went by slowly, and every single lesson, Sirius attempted to catch James' eye, but failed miserably every time. After the sixth attempt in potions, James sighed and turned around angrily.

" _WHAT_  do you want?" he said through gritted teeth.

"Uh.. nothing," Sirius said sheepishly.

"Stop watching me! It's bloody creepy," James said, turning around.

**"""""""""""""""**

After that, James and Sirius never talked again. It had been an entire month and a half, and neither of them had even looked at each other – not even at Quidditch practice. Peter sometimes mumbled 'hello' and 'goodbye' to Sirius, but that was the longest conversation the two would share, and Remus was another matter altogether.

Sirius tried to make amends with him –  _tried_  to get him to see that they could only be friends, but Remus just wouldn't listen. It seemed that their conversation at breakfast had just been a one-off, and Remus had no more plans to speak to Sirius.

He was beginning to feel lonely. He occasionally hung around with Frank and Alice, but all they did was kiss. Other times, Lily would tag along with them and make snide remarks about Sirius, which he couldn't be bothered to endure, so he'd drift away.

Then, the only other person he had was Regulus, who was great. Sirius didn't  _dare_  go and speak to Regulus when he was with his Slytherin friends, and that was most of the time. It was very difficult to get his boyfriend alone, and when he did, it was for a limited period of time.

As Christmas drew nearer, for the first time in his life, Sirius was eager to get home. That way, he'd be with Regulus 24:7, and there would be  _no_  annoying Slytherin's to get in their way. There would be a huge double bed, and locks on the doors...

For once, 12 Grimmauld Place sounded like heaven rather than hell.

Sirius found himself counting down the days till Christmas.

**"""""""""""""""**

At long last, the final day of term arrived, and the students were all getting on the train. As Sirius stepped onto the train, he realised he had nobody to sit with. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he walked on past the carriage where Regulus was sitting with his friends, and on towards the end of the train. He looked in one of the compartments and saw Remus, James and Peter all talking and laughing in there, and he couldn't help missing them more than ever. Unwillingly, he carried on walking down the train.

"Sirius!" shouted someone, making Sirius swerve around quickly. He was surprised to see Remus standing behind him.

"Yeah?" he replied weakly.

"I just thought... well... er... I got you a present," Remus said awkwardly, handing him a wrapped present. Sirius stared at the gift in awe, and then back at Remus.

"This is for  _me_?" he asked.

"Well... yeah. I thought... well... you know..."

"Thanks, Remus," said Sirius, smiling. Remus smiled back.

"It's OK," he said. "Well... umm... I hope you have a great Christmas."

"Yeah, you too," said Sirius, waving to Remus as he walked back into his compartment. Sirius carried on walking, until he reached Lily, Alice and Frank. Sighing, he slid open the door.

"Can I sit with you guys?" he asked.

"Of course you can," said Frank, moving over to let him sit down.

"Thanks," he mumbled. He looked down at the present Remus had given him, and smiled. Remus had  _actually_  got him something!

Carefully, he ripped the wrapping paper, and out came a huge selection of Honeydukes sweets. Frank, Alice and Lily stared at him in awe as he pulled the remainder of wrapping paper off of it.

"Where did you get  _that_?" asked Alice.

"Present," said Sirius.

"It's got  _everything_  in it!" Lily said.

"Yeah," Sirius replied.

"Who got it for you?" asked Frank, eyeing the sweets with greed.

"Remus."

"Wow," Lily said. "He must  _really_  like you to get you something that expensive! I saw it in Honeydukes the other day, and it was the most expensive thing in the shop!"

"Really?" asked Sirius in confusion. Why would Remus get him something so expensive when they weren't even talking.

"Yeah!" said Frank. "I saw it too."

"That's great," Sirius said, grinning. He looked down and noticed a small note attached to the side of the packet, and ripped it off to read it. It read:

_Sirius,_

_I know we haven't spoken in a while, and I know I'm supposed to be angry with you, but it's Christmas! I've given it a lot of thought, and although I'm still extremely hurt by what you did, I'm going to forgive you. It'll be New Year, right? We could just forgive and forget..._

_Maybe we could remain friends, and I can try and convince James to forgive you, too. You seem to be pretty lonely, and I hate seeing you like that, but I guess you got your punishment for what you did to me. I think you've suffered, and now I'm willing to just let it go. I don't want to lose you as a friend – losing you as a boyfriend was hard enough. I need you in my life in some way or another._

_I hope all is well, and I wish you a Happy Christmas._

_Love from,_

_Remus_

_xxx_

Sirius re-read the note, over and over again – excitement bubbling inside him. Remus had forgiven him! He didn't know what to think...

He thought that Remus was being too nice to him, and that he really didn't deserve Remus' friendship, but he was still incredibly grateful that Remus  _had_  given him another chance. He would prove that he was an amazing friend, and that he'd never do anything to hurt Remus again.

Alice, Lily and Frank were all giving Sirius strange looks, as he sat, staring at the wall with a huge grin plastered on his face, but he couldn't even find it in himself to snap at them. He was just too happy at this moment in time. Suddenly, everything seemed as if it would be all right.


	10. The Pain of Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence and child abuse

"Upstairs!"

"I'm going, I'm going," Sirius muttered, trudging slowly through the kitchen and towards the stairs.

"You can move faster than that! Get upstairs  _now_!"

"I'm going!"

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY  _RIGHT NOW_ , I'LL CALL YOUR FATHER HOME!" screeched Walburga Black angrily, grabbing Sirius by the scruff of the neck and dragging him upstairs. It hurt, but Sirius didn't want to protest – she'd only be more rough with him.

"Now, you stay in your room till I call you downstairs. Do you understand me?" she spat.

"Yes," said Sirius tonelessly.

"And if I hear any noise coming from this room... anything at all, your father  _will_  be hearing about it."

"OK," Sirius said. She nodded her head and slammed the door shut, making the chandelier shake. When he heard her footsteps getting fainter and fainter, he punched the wardrobe hard. "Bitch!" he said under his breath, clenching his teeth.

Sirius wasn't sure when he'd be let out of his room, and he really didn't care. He didn't want to be downstairs with his mother, and he certainly didn't want to see his father at all. The very  _thought_ of seeing Kreacher made Sirius want to vomit. All he wanted was Regulus. He needed his brother with him. Where  _was_  he?

There was a faint knock on the door. Sirius laughed. "Speak of the devil," he said to himself. "Come in," he said more clearly. He waited while the door opened and Regulus walked in, wearing his best robes. Sirius laughed again.

"What are you wearing?" he asked, looking Regulus up and down. Regulus didn't look happy at all.

"Mum's making me wear them," he said, frowning and tugging at his sleeve. "They're hideous... I know."

"Why does she want you to wear them?"

"I don't know," mumbled Regulus quietly.

"Do you know when she'll let me come downstairs?" Sirius asked, leaning back on his bed.

"She said you can come down when we finish dinner," said Regulus.

"When you  _finish_  dinner? So, she isn't planning on feeding me then? Charming," said Sirius bitterly.

"Please don't talk back to her," whispered Regulus. "I don't want her to kick you out."

"If she says something I don't like, then I  _will_  talk back!" Sirius shouted, making Regulus jump. Sirius' eyes softened slightly and he stood up, pulling Regulus in for a hug. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just hate it here."

"It's not that bad-"

"- _Not that bad_?" shouted Sirius incredulously, pulling away from his brother. "Maybe for you it isn't that bad, but for me... I can't  _stand_  it here!"

"But maybe if you held your tongue, then mum wouldn't be so hard on you!" Regulus said.

"Yeah right! I didn't do  _anything_  today, and the first thing she did when I walked in was send me upstairs!"

"Maybe you looked at her funny," Regulus said, and Sirius gave a dry laugh.

"Oh! So I didn't look up to her with admiration! That's it... I get punished because I don't treat her like royalty! She  _isn't_  royalty! I hate her! I hate her  _so fucking much_!" yelled Sirius, making Regulus back away towards the door. The sound of footsteps stomping upstairs made Regulus' eyes widen and he ran out of the room quickly, leaving Sirius to sigh and fall onto the bed.

"WHAT IS THAT RACKET?" Walburga screamed, slamming the door open and glaring at Sirius with much dislike.

"I wasn't making any noise," said Sirius. "I was just lying here."

"I heard a sound!" she said, nostrils flaring.

"Well, you  _are_  getting a little old... you must be hearing things," Sirius said, shrugging. He knew instantly that he'd said the wrong thing. His mother stood very still, observing him with dark, beady eyes. Without warning, she wrenched him up from the bed and struck him across the face hard, making him fall back and hit his head against the chest of drawers. Putting his hand up to his head, he stared up at her loathsomely. A satisfied smiled was etched on her face as she spat at him. Turning on her heel, she spoke.

"You don't speak to  _me_  like that, you filthy blood-traitor! I suggest you come downstairs this instance. Put on your best robes, and do  _not_  speak unless spoken to, or you're looking for a couple of nights in the cellar!"

With that, she left the room, leaving Sirius on the floor shaking with fury. He couldn't bring himself to move. He couldn't remember ever being angrier.

"You'd better be getting ready, Sirius Black!" screamed his mother from downstairs. Unwillingly, he stood up and made his way to his wardrobe where he picked out his most expensive (and ugly) robes, and changed into them. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had a large bruise on the side of his face from where his mother had struck him, and his hair was messy. He grabbed a hairbrush and quickly brushed it, so that it looked satisfactory, and then made his way downstairs.

The walk downstairs was longer than usual. He took one step at a time, hoping that maybe his mother would change her mind and send him back upstairs before he managed to get to the bottom. This didn't happen however, so when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he sighed and walked towards the Dining Room, where he could hear laughter.

He peered through the door and nearly walked straight back upstairs when he saw who was in the room. His father was sitting at one end of the table, and his mother was at the other end. Regulus was sitting next to his father, and opposite him was Bellatrix.

Sirius gritted his teeth. He couldn't stand his cousin Bellatrix. And she was with her new husband, Rodolphus Lestrange. Beside them was her sister, Narcissa, and there was a spare seat next to Regulus. Across from Narcissa was her fiance, Lucius Malfoy, and Lisa Parkinson was to his left. Bracing himself, Sirius stepped into the room, and all heads turned to face him. When he was in the room, he noticed that there were actually three spare seats. He stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Sit," said his mother, pointing to the chair beside Regulus.

"Who's the other chairs for?" he muttered to his brother.

"Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella," Regulus whispered back. "They just went down to the cellar."

"I hear you've been talking back to your mother, boy!" said Orion Black loudly, staring at Sirius with piercing eyes. Sirius gulped, as everybody watched him.

"N-not intentionally," he said, looking anywhere but at his father.

"Do you have anything to say?" Orion asked.

"I'm.. uh... I'm s-sorry," Sirius said. Before anything else could be said, his Aunt and Uncle returned from the cellar, taking their seats on either side of Walburga. They each had a couple of bottles of Fire Whiskey in their hands.

"Today," said Orion, clearing his throat. "Is a very important day. Do you know why, Regulus?"

"N-no," Regulus said, sitting up straight in his chair.

"Why doesn't he know?" hissed Orion to his wife.

"I was going to tell him," said Walburga. "But this blood-traitor of ours has been misbehaving all afternoon! I didn't get the time!"

"I see," said Orion, casting Sirius a nasty glare. "Very well. I shall be the one to inform you all, then. Today, is a very important day for my son. Today is the day that he will be engaged. Regulus, I'd like you to meet Lisa Parkinson."

Sirius felt his heart drop. He couldn't think properly, and he wasn't sure of what was going on. He didn't dare look at Regulus, but continued listening as someone's chair moved.

"Hello, Regulus," said Lisa. "It's lovely to meet you."

There was a low whisper, and Regulus' chair moved as he stood up to shake her hand.

"It's great to meet you, too," Regulus said, though he sounded ill. Regulus quickly sat back down on his chair, and Orion cleared his throat again.

"We have arranged for your wedding to take place in February. Until then, it would be best if you got to know each other. Lisa is in Slytherin too, Regulus. I'm sure you'll get along very well. Now, a toast to Regulus and Lisa!" he held his glass in the air. Everybody else at the table followed his lead – all except Sirius. He felt Regulus nudge him in the ribs, and quickly raised his glass.

The rest of the evening went painfully slow. Sirius tried to keep quiet, but when people talked to him, there was no way out of answering them.

"What will you do with this Gryffindor scum?" Bellatrix asked Walburga, nodding towards Sirius.

"I still haven't decided," Walburga answered. "I believe it's up to his father."

"You know," said Sirius through gritted teeth. "I  _am_  still at the table. Stop talking about me as if I'm not here."

"Sirius, don't," muttered Regulus.

" _What_  did you say to me?" Walburga asked crossly.

"You heard what I said," said Sirius simply.

"You let him get away with this?" Bellatrix asked with a confused expression. "Whenever Andromeda used to speak like that to mother or father, they used the cruciatus curse."

"Always worked," said Cygnus approvingly. "Made her think twice about who she was talking to."

"The cruciatus curse?" Orion repeated, looking from Bellatrix to Sirius. Faster than Sirius could have imagined, Orion pulled out his wand and pointed it at him.

"Crucio!" he screamed, making Sirius fall off his chair. The pain was unreal. It was agonising, and it wouldn't stop. He could hear the manic laughter of Bellatrix, and the laughter of a few other family members. All he could think about was Regulus.

"Reg," he managed to say. "Make... him... stop..." But still, the pain continued. Regulus wasn't doing anything. He was just sitting there, while Sirius was being tortured. Sirius let out a scream as he felt like he would pass out from the pain. It was all over his body, like a vicious fire, burning away everything. With all his strength, he opened his eyes and looked up at Regulus pleadingly. "PLEASE!" he screamed, and Regulus looked close to tears but remained silent.

Sirius could no longer feel the pain – the only thing he could feel was betrayal. Regulus was betraying him. He couldn't stand it. Trying not to cry, Sirius lost everything – sight, smell, sound, feeling – everything went black.


	11. Walking Away From Love

_'James,_

_Can you at least have the decency to answer my letters?_

_Sirius'_

Sirius sighed deeply and gave his letter to the owl to deliver to James. He'd already sent five messages, apologizing for everything he'd said and done, and asking for forgiveness, but James just wasn't answering. He didn't understand. He'd hurt  _Remus_. Not James. Remus had already forgiven him, but James still wasn't talking to him. Why was that? Sirius couldn't grasp why...

There was a quiet knock on the door, and Sirius sat up quickly, staring at the door. He didn't answer, just made his way to his bed, where he curled up under the covers. His room was freezing, but he didn't dare ask his mother to turn up the heating. He didn't want to get anywhere near her any more. She'd seemed to take up using the cruciatus curse as punishment too, and her favourite person to punish was, of course, Sirius.

"Sirius?" called a voice from the other side of the door.

Sirius had heard Regulus, but he chose to ignore him. Regulus had been knocking on his door at least five times a day, every day for the last week. Sirius wouldn't answer. What was the point? Regulus had allowed him to be tortured. He hadn't done  _anything_  to help. He had just stood there – looking down. Doing nothing.

Unfortunately, ignoring him wasn't enough today as the door creaked open slowly. Sirius groaned and pulled the duvet over his head, turning his back towards the door. The sounds of footsteps told Sirius that his brother had entered the room, and he felt the bed move as Regulus sat on it. Sirius shifted over so that he was almost falling off the other side of the bed.

"Sirius?" said Regulus. Sirius didn't answer, and he heard Regulus sigh. "Can you please talk to me?"

Again, Sirius didn't answer.

"I'm  _sorry_ ," Regulus said desperately. Sirius sat up quickly, pulling the covers off his head and letting Regulus see his tear-stained face.

"You're sorry?" Sirius asked. Biting his lip, Regulus nodded.

"I'm really sorry," he said.

"You shouldn't  _have_  to be sorry, Reg! You shouldn't have let that happen in the first place! How could you stand there and do nothing?"

"I... I'm sorry."

"Is that the only thing you can say?"

"I didn't mean to do nothing!" shouted Regulus. "You know me! I'm not as brave as you! I can't stand up to them all! They'd just torture me along  _with_  you!"

"And would you expect me to stand there and do nothing to help you if they tortured you?" Sirius asked.

"No... of course not," Regulus answered, looking down. "I  _wanted_  to say something, but I couldn't. Nothing was coming out when I tried to talk."

"Oh, right! That makes everything better!" said Sirius, glaring at his brother. "I still can't believe you did it!"

"What else do you want me to say, Sirius?" asked Regulus. "I made a mistake! I should've helped you... I know I should've, but I didn't. I can't change the past."

"The point is," said Sirius. "You're my brother. You're my boyfriend. You 'supposedly' love me. I don't believe that now that you just allowed him to torture me. You saw me – I was in so much pain. I couldn't think about  _anything_ except how much you were betraying me. I  _begged_  you! Throughout being TORTURED, I managed to ask you to do something. I used all my strength to speak to you then, and I managed to do it because I love you. You did nothing... you just stood there. How do you expect me to forgive you for that?"

"You're a nice person," Regulus said. "I just thought-"

"-You just thought I'd forgive you because I'm a 'nice person'? You make me laugh!"

"Sirius! I was going through a lot of stress at that moment, OK? I'm getting married! In  _two months_! I'm not even old enough to get married, and I'm marrying a girl I barely even know! I don't love her at all, and I have no choice but to marry her! I wasn't thinking clearly after I had that bombshell dropped on me!"

"Refuse," said Sirius angrily.

"I'm sorry?"

"Just  _refuse_  to marry her!"

"I... I c-can't do that! You know what Dad would do to me!"

"So what if he did that to you? It doesn't matter. I don't care. Why  _should_  I care? I'll just stand there and watch, if you want. Even if you beg me to make him stop. How do you feel about that, huh?"

"Sirius, it's different-"

"-How is it different?"

"Because it is! You're used to being treated like that at home!" shouted Regulus.

"Oh, so that makes it OK then? Is that supposed to lessen the pain? So, while I was being tortured, you thought it didn't matter because I'm used to being treated badly? Nice, Reg..."

"I didn't mean it like that!" Regulus said, with tears rolling down his face. "I really didn't!"

"Do you love me?" Sirius asked. "Truthfully, Reg.  _Do you love me_?"

Regulus looked torn.

"Answer me," said Sirius, almost in tears himself.

"Yes," said Regulus finally. "I love you. But not enough to stand up for you. I'm sorry. It's just the way I am."

"Then you obviously don't know the meaning of love, do you? If you love someone, you'd do anything for them. You don't love me. Not at all."

"I..." Regulus sighed. "Maybe I don't love you. Look, maybe we should just... stop."

"Stop?" asked Sirius.

"Break up," said Regulus. The words seemed to echo in Sirius' head over and over again. He couldn't think at all.

"Huh?" he asked stupidly – his brain hadn't fully processed what Regulus had said.

"Maybe we should break up," said Regulus bluntly. "I screwed up, I don't love you, and it's wrong anyway. I mean, it's  _incest_. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm getting married – it would have had to happen in the next two months anyway."

"You're – breaking – up – with – me?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to be with me?" Sirius asked, his heart sinking lower and lower by the second and his eyes glistening with tears.

"No, I don't. I think it was stupid. Yeah, it was fun – that was all it was."

"You – you didn't feel anything?" asked Sirius.

"Of course I did! It might have just been because you were my first."

"So... it was just a bit of fun?"

"Yeah," Regulus said. "I'm sorry."

"You're a  _fucking bastard_ , you know that?" screamed Sirius, shoving Regulus off the bed, making a thump on the floor.

"Sirius!" he gasped.

"NO! Don't you speak to me! You ruined my life! I can't believe you – you did that to me! You made me fall in love with you! You made my friends hate me! You made me cheat on my boyfriend, and you made me break my best friend's heart! You've put me and my friends through so much  _pain_! But you're not feeling any pain, are you? You just think it's all a bit of  _fun_?"

"I-"

"-I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK TO ME! I CAN'T EVEN STAND LOOKING AT YOU AT THE MOMENT!" yelled Sirius, pacing back and forward. "I'll give  _you_  pain!"

Thinking angrily about everything Regulus had done, Sirius put all his strength into the kick he aimed at his brother, making him scream out in pain. He grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up, pushing him back against the wardrobe hard.

"HOW COULD YOU?" he said, looking into Regulus' eyes. Then, before Regulus could answer, Sirius lifted his fist into the air and punched him hard in the face. Feeling excited about the pain he was inflicting on his brother, he punched him again... and again. Regulus was now sporting a bloody nose and a bruised face, and he was crying. He reached out and pushed Sirius forward, knocking him on the floor. He reached for his wand and pointed it at Sirius. Trembling, he opened his mouth.

"C-c-crucio!" he said. Sirius' eyes widened, but nothing happened. Regulus dropped his wand and ran from the room, leaving Sirius lying on the floor, in more pain than he'd been in before.

Regulus was actually going to use the cruciatus curse on him. How could he have  _ever_  believed that Regulus loved him. It all sounded so stupid now. He stood up and grabbed his school trunk, which hadn't been emptied since he'd arrived. School wasn't supposed to start for another week, but Sirius couldn't stand staying in that house for any longer. He grabbed his wand from the bedside table and wrenched his door open with force, stamping out of his room and pulling his trunk down the stairs noisily. When he reached the bottom, he spotted Regulus in the kitchen, staring at him with a weird expression.

"W-w-where are you g-going?" he asked timidly, staring at Sirius. Without answering, Sirius carried on walking towards the front door. As he opened it, he stopped. His mother had walked around the corner.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" she screeched, but Sirius ignored her and pulled his trunk out the front door. "YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT  _NOW_!" He slammed the door shut, and began walking down the street. He walked and walked. He didn't care where he ended up – only that he was away from them. He was gone. He wouldn't have to see them ever again.

Sirius was under-age, so he couldn't use magic outside of school. He had no idea what to do. As he neared the end of the street, he looked around. He was in the middle of Muggle London, with no way of reaching anyone magical. He hoped he was somewhere near the Ministry of Magic, where he'd be able to reach someone, but he had no idea where the entrance of it was.

He was a mess. His hair was ruffled, and his face was covered in sweat and tears. He was still crying. Running his fingers through his hair, he wished he had a mirror – some way to see what he was doing...

That was when it struck him – he  _had_  a mirror. In his trunk. Not a real mirror, of course, but a way to contact James. His heart sunk when he thought of James. Would James really help him? He honestly hoped so – after all, the mirror was his only hope. Opening his trunk and ignoring the questioning glances by the passing Muggles, Sirius pulled out the mirror, and closed his trunk again, sitting on it. He lifted the mirror up so that he could see into it, and he was relieved to see James through the mirror. It was obviously propped up on a desk in James' room, and James was polishing his broom.

"James!" Sirius shouted through the mirror, and a few Muggles looked at him as if he was a bit mad. He made a face at them. "What? Never talked to yourself in the mirror?" he shouted at them, and they hurried along quickly. He looked back into James' room, and James appeared to not have heard him.

"James, please," he said. "I really need your help."

James looked up at the mirror and sighed. "I don't feel up to talking to you right now," he said.

"I know, I know. I was stupid. I'm sorry, I really am. I never meant any of the things I said to you. You're not mean or arrogant or a bully, and I think you have a great chance with Lily. I heard her speaking about you to Alice, and she's starting to soften up a bit. Honestly, I was angry, and none of the things I said were true. I just really need you to help me right now. I've got nowhere to stay. My family... well... let's just say, I can't stand to be anywhere near  _any_  of them. I don't know what to do."

"Wait? You've run away?" James asked, suddenly looking worried. "Where are you?"

"I don't know," Sirius whined. "Somewhere in London. I think... er..."

"Hold on a second," said James. Turn the mirror so that I can see where you are."

"OK," said Sirius, moving the mirror to give James a view of his location. He held it there for about a minute before turning it around again, and looking into the mirror. James was smiling at him.

"My dad knows the place. He'll be there in a minute, hold on," he said, and Sirius grinned.

"Oh, thank you so much, James," he said. "Honestly... I don't know what I'd do without you-"

"-Hey, don't worry about it," said James. "What are friends for?"

_Crack_

James' dad appeared right in front of where Sirius was sitting, looking sick with worry.

"Sirius!" he said, pulling Sirius in for a fatherly hug. "Quick, let's get you home."

"Home?"

"You know our place will always be a home to you," said Mr Potter kindly, and Sirius grinned.

"Sure you can handle me?" he asked.

"C'mon! We brought up James," said Mr Potter. "I'm sure we can handle you."

"But what about  _both_  of us," Sirius said, smirking.

"Don't make me change my mind," Mr Potter said jokingly, grabbing Sirius' trunk. "Let's go."

Being the first time Sirius had apparated, he felt like throwing up. It felt horrible – like being pushed through a tube that's too small. However, his sickness was pushed aside when he thought of what was going to happen-

He was away from his family forever. He was going to live with James. James had forgiven him. Remus had forgiven him. He would no longer dread going home. He'd never have to be tortured again. His life seemed perfect.

That was, until he thought of why he was there. Regulus. Sirius could feel an empty hole in his heart. Regulus had broken up with him,  _and_  tried to use the cruciatus curse on him. He hadn't ever felt this angry and distraught before. Everything he'd had with Regulus had been a complete lie, and he had actually believed that lie. He'd fallen for Regulus, when Regulus had just thought it a little bit of fun.

With a pang of guilt, Sirius realised it was almost exactly the same sort of thing he'd done to Remus. He'd lied, and Remus had fallen for him. He suddenly felt more guilty and sympathetic than he'd ever felt before for Remus, and he couldn't wait to see him to tell him how sorry he really was.


	12. Brought Up To Be Brought Down

The first thing Sirius did when he saw James was run over to him and pull him into a brotherly hug. It was his way of saying 'I'm sorry. I was an idiot. I should have listened to you. Forgive me.' James hugged him back, and Sirius could tell that it meant 'it's OK. I forgive you. Everybody does stupid things.' When they pulled apart, they grinned at each other and walked inside James' house.

"Are you all right, dear?" asked Mrs Potter worriedly, touching Sirius' forehead. "Can I get you anything?"

"Oh, no thank you," said Sirius with a smile. "I'm OK."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well," she said. "If you need anything, don't be shy. Just come and ask, OK?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"It's alright dear," she replied as she made her way to the kitchen. James turned to Sirius.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" he asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"OK."

When they got up to James' room, James shut the door. "Sit," he said, pointing to the bed. Sirius looked at him for a second and then sat down. James sat down on the chair by his desk and looked at Sirius seriously.

"Will you tell me what happened?" he asked softly. Sirius shifted awkwardly.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said quietly, looking at his hands.

"It's not good to keep things bottled up, Sirius," James said. "And despite everything we've been through, I'm still your best friend. You know you can speak to me."

"Don't tell anyone," whispered Sirius. "It's..." his voice broke. "God, I wish I could just go back in time and fix everything. I made the biggest mistakes of my life! I hate myself  _so_  much!"

"It's OK, It's OK. Let it all out," James said, rubbing Sirius' back soothingly. "So tell me what happened."

"Right," breathed Sirius, after calming down a bit. "Well, when I got home last week, my mother treated me with a warm welcome of sending me straight up to my room. Regulus came in and we had some argument about something stupid – I don't remember, and then my mum came up and started yelling at me. She... well... she h-hit me," Sirius said, so quietly that if James hadn't been listening so intently, he would've missed it. James gasped.

"She  _hit_ you?" he said loudly, and Sirius shushed him.

"Yes," he replied. "She told me I had to be down for dinner so I made my way downstairs and the whole bloody family were there," Sirius said, clenching his fists. "My dad announced that they've arranged for Regulus to marry some girl-"

"- _WHAT_?" James exclaimed suddenly. "Oh Sirius," he said. "I'm sorry."

"It's... well... what can I do?" Sirius sighed. "Well then, Bellatrix made some comment about me which turned everyones attention back to me. I answered back, and she made some comment about how they liked to use the cruciatus curse on Andromeda – you know, my cousin?"

"The cruciatus curse?" James said angrily. "They better not have used it on you!"

"They... well, they did," Sirius said, his voice getting quieter again. "In front of everyone, my dad did it. I kept begging Reg to make him stop..." he started crying. "He didn't do anything. He just s-stood there and w-w-watched it happen. I c-couldn't think about anything at all... he just... he b-betrayed me."

"That asshole!" shouted James in fury. He put his arm around Sirius comfortingly. "You're OK now, though?"

"Well, I ignored Reg for the whole of last week. I just stayed up in my room, but he came in today. We got into a huge argument about what happened. He..." Sirius swallowed, and shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Hey, you're almost there," said James. "Just tell me."

"It hurts... to even think about it," Sirius said, rubbing his eyes. "I... d-don't want-"

"- What did he say to you?" asked James.

"H-h-he b-broke up with me," sobbed Sirius, feeling his heart break all over again as he recounted the memory. "He said it was all a bit of fun and he d-d-didn't feel anything... it was then that I got angry."

"I'd have thought you'd be more upset than angry," said James.

"Oh, I was upset... but I was  _really_ angry. He thought it was just a bit of fun? I hurt Remus so  _badly_  for Reg to have a little bit of fun? How... I just...  _IF HE WANTED A BIT OF FUN, HE COULD HAVE GONE TO SOMEONE ELSE! WHY ME?"_

"But... I thought you loved him?" James asked softly, trying to calm down Sirius.

"I did... I... still do. But I would never have fallen for him if he hadn't kissed me in the first place... I got angry and started hitting him."

"You  _what_?"

"Hard. Across the face. I wanted him to feel the pain he inflicted on me! And he pushed me over... he... he..."

"What did he do?" James whispered.

"Took his wand out. He... tried to use the cruciatus curse on me," choked Sirius.

"Oh god," said James. "But what do you mean, 'he  _tried_ '?"

"It didn't work," said Sirius. "I don't know why..."

"What happened then?"

"He ran out of the room. I left. Why would I want to stay there when all my family want to do is hurt me?"

"It's OK. I understand. I just can't believe they'd do that to you – especially Regulus," said James. "I'm so sorry, Sirius. Really, I am."

"Thanks," Sirius said. "I just don't want to think about it right now."

"Of course you don't," said James. "Let's take your mind off it, yeah?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, wiping away the last of the tears.

"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to sleep in here with me," said James. "My mum's got a tent that you can have as your room. Only, it'll be in my room, if you understand?"

"Great!" said Sirius brightly.

"That means you can decorate it however you want," said James.

"Thank you, James," said Sirius. "For letting me stay with you. I really  _am_  grateful."

"It's no problem," grinned James.

**##**

The rest of the holidays were both relieving and exciting for Sirius. He was so happy to be away from his family at last, and James helped him keep his mind off Regulus by playing Quidditch and making plans for new pranks. When January finally came around, Sirius was in a much better state than he'd been in previously, and he only had James to thank for that.

"Have a wonderful year, boys," said Mrs Potter briefly before giving both Sirius and James a quick kiss on the cheek and sending them through the fireplace by floo.

When they arrived at Platform Nine and Three Quarters, it was extremely busy – probably due to the fact that they'd arrived only two minutes before the train was due to leave.

"Quick, let's get on the train," said James, grabbing Sirius by the arm and pulling him on board. They found an empty compartment and sat opposite one another, looking out of the window.

"I'm so glad we're going back to Hogwarts," said Sirius. "This has been one hell of a holiday."

"Just make sure you ignore Regulus in the corridors," said James, and Sirius felt his heart break a little.

"Oh yeah," he said quietly. "I forgot I'd be seeing him at school."

"Don't worry about him. If he says anything, just tell me and I'll deal with him."

"Thanks," said Sirius, smiling slightly at James. The compartment door slid open and Remus and Peter walked in. Remus seemed to be trying not to look at Sirius, and Peter grinned at him.

"You're back!" he said happily, pulling him into a hug.

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Miss me?"

"Of course!" said Peter. Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Hey Remus," he said, looking at Remus cautiously. Remus looked up quickly and smiled.

"Hi," he said. "Good to see you back."

"Good to  _be_  back," he grinned, trying to act as usual. Unfortunately, he and James both knew that it was just an act. He was really hurting inside.

As the train journey went on, Sirius became more and more talkative. Even Remus grew more comfortable talking to him, which was a relief to Sirius, who wanted more than anything to have his friend back. Just as they were nearing the castle, there was a knock on the compartment door and Sirius looked up to see – to his dismay – Regulus. He cast a sideways glance to James in panic, who nodded to him.

Regulus didn't wait to be invited in, but opened the door anyway.

"Er... can I speak to you for a minute, Sirius?" he asked quietly. Before Sirius could reply, James stood up and closed the space between himself and Regulus in an instant, so that their faces were only inches from each others.

"No," he said. "You can not speak to Sirius. Ever. Leave him alone, he doesn't want to speak to you ever again. Do you understand me?"

"Can you just let me-"

"-I asked you a question. You do not just  _use_  my friend like that. You do not just  _hurt_  him like that. How dare you? I suggest you leave  _right now_  before I hurt you."

"I-"

" _Leave_ ," said James coldly, shoving Regulus hard in the chest and slamming the compartment door shut. He turned to Sirius. "Did I say the right things?"

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Thank you, James."

"It's OK."

"Why... er... what happened?" asked Remus.

"I... just... well... it's a long story," said Sirius.

"We can keep up," said Peter with a light smile.

"In short, I got in trouble with my family and Regulus broke up with me. I ran away from home and I'm living with James now," Sirius said.

"You  _ran_  away from home?" Peter shouted. "But why?"

"He hates his family," said Remus. "Why wouldn't he run away?"

"Why did Regulus break up with you?" asked Peter.

"Can you guys give it a rest for a while? He's pretty upset over it," James said, and Sirius cast him a thankful look.

"Of course," said Remus. "Just know that you can talk to me if you want."

"Thanks," said Sirius.

He couldn't fathom  _why_. Why in a million years Remus was being so nice to him – after what he'd done to Remus. It felt as if the whole thing hadn't happened, and Remus was just his friend again. Not that Sirius was complaining, but it all seemed a little weird.

**##**

The rest of the night flew by, and before he knew it, Sirius was tucked up in bed. After a few minutes of lying in silence, he felt his bed move and a face emerged through the curtains. Remus sat down on his bed and shut the curtains behind him.

"Hi," he said quietly. Sirius sat up.

"Hi," he replied, squinting through the darkness to see his friends face. "What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing... I... well, I just wanted to see if  _you_  were OK," Remus whispered. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine in comparison to how you must have felt when... well, you know..."

"I already told you, Sirius. I'm over that," Remus said. "Actually, over the Christmas holidays I think I've got over you."

"You've gotten over me?" asked Sirius. For some reason, that revelation hurt him.

"Yeah. I realised that it was no good trying to go after someone who didn't love me back, and I realised that yeah – there  _is_  someone else who I believe I could have a chance with."

"And who's that?" Sirius asked in curiosity. Remus shifted slightly, leaning forward a bit.

"You can't tell  _anyone_ ," he whispered.

"I promise I won't," said Sirius.

"It's James," Remus said. Sirius wasn't sure he'd heard correctly. Did Remus like  _James_?

"Er... you mean  _our_ James? Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah... who else would it be?" said Remus.

"Um... no offence Moony, but James is straight.  _And_  he is in love with Evans."

"How do you know that for sure?" Remus asked defensively. "You saw the way he stuck up for me when you cheated on me."

"Because he's your friend... he stuck up for me just the same on the train today," Sirius said. "I don't think you should get your hopes up."

"No," Remus said angrily. "Last time I got my hopes up you came and crushed them. I won't let you crush them this time!" With that, he marched off of the bed and back towards his own, leaving Sirius feeling empty.

What else was he supposed to do – encourage him? He was only being truthful, and he didn't want Remus to get hurt  _twice_. And what was the deal about Remus being 'over' the incident when he obviously wasn't? Sirius couldn't think clearly, and tried to push the encounter out of his mind as he focused on the fact that he was back at Hogwarts with James and Peter. He would pull many more pranks and enjoy Quidditch again. But Remus was  _over_  him? Sirius really didn't like the sound of that. Even though he didn't feel the same way, it was always nice to have someone care that much about you, and now that it was gone, Sirius felt more lonely.

The only thing he could think about was that in the morning, he was most definitely going to find himself a girlfriend. It was the only thing he could do to take his mind off of Remus and Regulus and every other thing that had happened in the past few months... hey... he might even get into a successful relationship! That was something that helped him get to sleep that night – the sheer possibility of a happy, successful relationship – without lying, or cheating or forbidden love. Just pure happiness. That's what Sirius needed.


	13. Girls, Girls, Girls

Sirius marched through the Gryffindor common room without a word to anyone. With no warning, he grabbed Mary McDonald and pulled her in for a rough, angry kiss. She didn't back away, nor did she object to the sudden affection. Instead, she kissed him back, in the exact same manner. Neither cared that the entire Gryffindor common room were watching them with mouths hanging open in shock. Sirius fought for dominance, and after a while, Mary gave in to him and let him lead the kiss. Some other girls turned their attention to other things – after all, they'd all wanted the chance of kissing Sirius Black, and it hurt to watch him kiss another girl right in front of their eyes. The kiss went on, and finally Sirius broke it, looking her in the eyes and groaning to himself. She smiled warmly up at him and leaned in for another kiss, but he pushed her away.

"I'm sorry," he said briefly as he walked off in the other direction, leaving her standing there with all eyes on her.

As he stepped through the portrait leading out of the common room, a hand grabbed him by the shoulder. He turned to see James standing there, looking irritated.

"What?" asked Sirius angrily.

"What was  _that_  all about?" James asked.

"What was what all about?"

"That kiss with Mary," prompted James. "You never mentioned you liked her."

"I don't like her," said Sirius grumpily, looking down at his feet.

"Then why did you go and get her hopes up like that?" James asked, backing against the wall to let someone out of the portrait hole. It was only after a second, he noticed it was Mary. She stopped in front of Sirius with a blush creeping into her cheeks.

"Hey Siri," she giggled, placing a hand on his face. Sirius took her hand and placed it back down by her side.

"Leave me alone," he muttered to her. "It didn't mean anything. I was just testing something out. Sorry I bothered you."

"Oh," she said, tears filling her eyes. As she turned to walk away, she looked back at him with a look of anger in her eyes, and spoke again. "Look, Sirius," she said. "You can't just do that to me. How dare you? Maybe you don't know this, but I've liked you for a really long time and when you kissed me, I thought that maybe things were changing. I thought that maybe you liked me back... and I guess the rumours are all true then!"

"What rumours?" asked Sirius blankly.

"The rumours that you don't care about anyone! You're such a player!" with that, she shoved him against the wall and ran off down the stairs. He remained silent for a moment, blinked, and turned back to face James.

"What were you saying?" he asked, as if nothing had happened. James laughed, and they both knew he wasn't laughing because he found the situation funny.

"I was saying that what you just did to her wasn't right," he said, frowning at his friend. "And I'm glad she told you what  _she_  thinks, too."

"Uh huh," said Sirius. "Now that's settled, why don't we go down for breakfast?"

"No," James said. "What were you  _testing_  on her?"

"I don't want to talk about it," said Sirius, clenching his fists. James sighed.

"Let's talk about it while we walk down to the Great Hall, then?" he asked.

"Whatever."

* * *

"So?" prompted James, as they walked slowly down each step leading to the Great Hall.

"I want a – no. I  _need_  a girlfriend," said Sirius. James raised his eyebrows.

"Why do you need a girlfriend? And by the way, you don't usually get girlfriends by kissing them and then telling them it means nothing..."

"I know, I know," said Sirius, rolling his eyes. "It's just that I've never kissed a girl before... I wanted to make sure it felt right. I need a girlfriend to get over this mess I've got myself in."

"Well, you've gone the wrong way about it," said James. "Do you want my advice?"

"No. But you'll give me it anyway, so I'm listening," Sirius said, looking at James, who grinned.

"You know me too well," he said. "Right, so you wanted to know if it felt right kissing a girl? It's not about that. It'll feel right when you're with someone you really like – no matter their gender. I think you should find a girl that you like, get to know her, go on a few dates... then try kissing her. If it feels right, then why not stick with her? If it doesn't feel right, I'm sure she'll understand – after all, you'd be testing it out in a much politer way..."

"You know, I think you're right," Sirius said, his face lighting up a bit.

"I'm always right," James replied happily. "So,  _are_ there any girls you like?"

"Um... not that I know of," complained Sirius, scanning the Great Hall.

"Ok then," James said. "How about personalities? Any girls that you think have nice personalities?"

"No. I don't usually talk to girls. Apart from Alice and Lily... Alice is taken and Lily is a bitch – no offence," Sirius added with a cheeky grin.

"None taken. She's a bitch to me too and that's why I love her," James said, gazing off into the distance. Sirius clicked his fingers in front of James' face, breaking him out of his mini trance.

"Earth to James," he said.

"Oh right. Well, Ok... how about any girls you think are good-looking? Start with that, and then get to know their personalities," James said.

"Well, there's Marlene," Sirius said, lowering his voice as he reached the Gryffindor table. James lowered his voice as well, realising that Marlene was only seats away.

"Well, there you go," James said. "She's smoking hot, and she's got a great personality too. Go for it."

"You think I should go for it?" asked Sirius uncertainly, looking at Marlene warily. "What if she doesn't want to?"

"Every girl in this school wants to go out with you," James said rolling his eyes. "She'll jump at the chance."

"You think?"

"Yes," said James, laughing at how oblivious Sirius was to this common fact. Sirius nodded, taking a drink from the cup on the table.

"I'll speak to her later," he said. "Thanks, James."

"No problem. You know me with the girls," he winked. "I'm an expert."

"Yeah... and how many girls have you kissed? Er... let's see... none," Sirius said, with a triumphant smile. James subtly hit Sirius with a bread stick.

"I'm saving my first kiss for a certain gorgeous red-head," he said in a dreamy voice, letting his eyes fall on Lily. She obviously noticed, and while her face reddened, her expression hardened.

"And what are  _you_  staring at?" she asked angrily.

"Your beautiful face," answered James. Lily smiled, and when realising what she was doing, coughed.

"Well," she said briskly. "Stop that."

"Uh huh," James said with a grin. He turned to Sirius, who rolled his eyes.

"You love-sick loser," he said, flinching when a bread stick hit him on the head. He was aware that two people took their places at the table, and he was pretty sure who they were. When he looked up, he was right. He cleared his throat.

"Hey Pete," he said.

"Hey," Peter replied. Sirius looked at Remus, who seemed to be avoiding eye contact with him.

"Hi Remus," he said hopefully. Remus looked up and put on a clearly fake smile.

"Hey Sirius," he said, gritting his teeth. "You'd better not have said anything to do with what we were talking about last-"

"- I didn't," said Sirius. Remus let out a deep breath and nodded. The awkward silence that followed, seemed to last forever, but Sirius stopped noticing it when he felt his heart clench in his chest. He tore his eyes away from the person he'd just seen entering the Great Hall.

"Hey Sirius,  _breathe_ ," James said from beside him.

"Huh?" asked Sirius blankly.

"You're not breathing."

"Oh," said Sirius.

"I know you're upset," James whispered.

"About what?" asked Sirius, pretending not to know what James was talking about.

"I saw him walk in too, you know? And you stopped breathing at that very moment."

"Who?" Peter asked curiously. Remus rolled his eyes.

"His  _ex_... you know... his  _brother_ ," he sneered. Peter, James and Sirius all looked at Remus questioningly.

" _What_?" exclaimed Remus. "It's completely  _wrong_. It shouldn't have happened, and you know what? If it hadn't happened, then maybe we'd all be happier..."

"Rem? You're not still upset over-"

"- No. I just don't want to hear all about how you're hurting over it. It's your own damned fault for falling for your  _brother_ ," said Remus.

"Why are you being so nasty to him?" asked James. "You were supportive yesterday..."

Remus clenched his fists under the table. "Only because he's not very supportive of  _me_."

"Oh, c'mon Remus," said Sirius. "That's different and you know it!"

"I don't want to talk about it," said Remus.

"Well it seems like you  _do_."

"Not here," said Remus. "When Peter and  _James_  are  _right here at the table_."

Sirius grinned. "Hey James?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever considered – I mean – Do you ever – Are you gay?" Sirius asked, looking directly at Remus while he said it. James looked confused, but answered anyway.

"No," he said. "Why..?"

"No reason," shrugged Sirius.

"But there's a possibility that you could be, isn't there?" Remus asked James hopefully. James shook his head briskly, grinning.

"No way," he said. "I'm in love with Lily. End of. Will you guys explain why you're asking me these questions?"

Nobody replied to him, but Sirius just looked at Remus meaningfully. Remus was looking down with a sad expression. He looked up quickly, and with a small smile, he stood up.

"I'm going to Arithmancy," he said. "See you all later."

"Bye," said James and Peter simultaneously, as Remus walked away.

"What was that all about?" whispered James.

"Don't worry about it," Sirius said. "I was just... well... just don't worry."

"Er... Ok then," said James. "We should probably get going. We have Divination."

"Yay," said Peter sarcastically as they all made their way to the stuffy classroom.

* * *

Sirius jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and realised that it was Professor Winters – his Divination teacher. Sirius put on a goofy grin.

"Hey, Professor," he said.

"You were sleeping," stated the professor.

"Ah, sorry," said Sirius.

"Have you seen anything in the crystal ball?" asked Professor Winters.

"No," groaned Sirius. Professor Winters sighed and sat down next to him.

"Let us have a look, shall we?" he said, gazing into the crystal orb with a ridiculously mystical expression on his face. He tutted to himself and looked at Sirius in sympathy. "It is what I feared," he said.

"The Grim?" asked Sirius uninterestedly. Every lesson was the same, and although Professor seemed to get extremely worried about the death omen appearing in Sirius' crystal ball, Sirius knew that he was either making it up, or that he was simply seeing Sirius' animagus form.

"But how did you know?" asked Professor Winters in amazement.

"Just a lucky guess," said Sirius.

"Your inner eye is clearly being awakened, my dear boy," said Professor Winters. "Please, take another look."

"If you insist," Sirius said, peering into the crystal ball. He nearly jumped out of his seat when the foggy mist in the ball cleared and he actually  _saw_  something.

His eyes widened as he tried to make out the scene he was watching. There was an outline of a person, in a wispy black liquid, running. The person came to a halt at a road with two paths leading off in different directions. On one road, there was his house... a familiar place that he'd been to before. The other road led to a place he'd never been before, which was intriguing. The person had to make a decision quickly, before somebody else came along and made his mind up for him, and the lightning overhead was driving him crazy. The person ran in the direction of his house, only to find it already occupied. He ran back as fast as he could, but lightning blocked his path. He fell to his knees, letting tears fall at the setback, when suddenly an outline of a stag appeared in his vision. The lightning ceased, and the person followed the stag to where it was leading him; to the direction of the new place he'd never been before. The person nodded to the stag and headed off in the other direction.

Sirius was pulled out of his vision when he realized what it was symbolising.  _He_  was the person. The road with that familiar place symbolised Remus, and the other road that led to a new place symbolised Marlene. The lightning symbolised Regulus, and the stag was, of course, James. The entire vision represented the decision he was trying to make. He knew that he needed to try taking a new path to get away from the pain of the breakup with both Remus and Regulus.

"Sirius... you Ok?" asked Peter worriedly. Sirius nodded, explaining to the teacher what he'd just seen. Professor Winters nodded and finally laughed.

"When do you kids ever learn? You can not just make up 'pretend' visions. That is not the way the inner eye works." With that, he walked off to another table.

"Seriously," said Sirius after Professor Winters had left. "I really saw that."

"I believe you," said James. "And I know what it means. Like I said this morning, go for it."

Sirius nodded. "I think it's the right thing to do."

* * *

Walking down to the tree by the lake was much more difficult than usual for Sirius. His head was filled with so many hopes and doubts; he felt like his head would implode. He could just make out Marlene sitting down by the lake with her friend from Ravenclaw, Joanne Knight. Taking a deep breath, he strode over to her and cleared his throat.

"Marlene," he said, and she turned to face him.

"Oh hey, Sirius," she said.

"Can I speak to you?" he asked nervously. She stood up and nodded.

"I'll be back in a minute, Jo," she said to her friend. "What's up?" she asked. Sirius led her behind the tree, growing more and more nervous with every second. She was truly beautiful. How could he ever expect her to say yes? But then again, James had said that every girl would go out with him...

"I just wanted to ask you... well, you know there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up next Saturday?"

"Yeah," she said, a smile growing on her face. Sirius found himself unable to speak. Her bluish-grey eyes were mesmerizing.

"I was just-"

"- Sirius?" she said, eyebrows raised. "Sirius Black?  _Nervous_?"

"Not really... I er..."

She leaned up so that her mouth was close to Sirius' ear and spoke in a low, and – what Sirius believed to be – sexy voice;

"I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you, Sirius."

"Y-you would?" Sirius asked in disbelief. "But how did you know what I was-"

"- Experience," she said, winking. "I'll meet you outside the Great Hall on Saturday morning."

"Ok..." said Sirius, watching after her as she walked back over to her friend. "Bye," he whispered, even though she obviously couldn't hear him.

* * *

As he walked back up to the castle, he should have felt happy about what he'd managed – or  _not_  managed, in this case – to do. He had a date with a gorgeous girl, but he still couldn't bring himself to smile. She was overwhelming. He wasn't sure if he liked that. Sirius liked to be the one in control, and this didn't feel that way. When he was with Remus, he was definitely in control, and he felt so much more comfortable that way. When he was with Regulus, he was mainly in control, and that had worked out just fine. And thinking of them, just flooded back the feelings he'd been trying to suppress. He really wasn't sure if having a girlfriend would make those feelings go away, but he could try, couldn't he?

Every time he saw Remus, a wave of protectiveness washed over him and he didn't want to see him get hurt. Every time he saw Regulus, he felt a pang in his heart from all of the pain Regulus had caused him. Didn't that mean that somewhere, he still had feelings for the both of them? Sirius wished – especially at that moment – that his life could be as easy and simple as James'. All James wanted was one person. There were no mixed feelings, no questions, no painful memories. He sighed as he entered the castle and headed towards his next lesson with more questions running through his head than before.


	14. Fury

The time between then and Saturday morning flew by – quicker than Sirius would have wanted it to go. He was more nervous than he'd ever been, and that wasn't good. Dates were meant to be fun and relaxed, right? Not scary and uncertain. When Saturday morning finally came around, Sirius was up much earlier than usual, hogging the bathroom.

"Sirius?" called a familiar voice from the other side of the door. Sirius took in a deep breath and took one last look in the mirror before walking towards the door and opening it.

"You can go in there now," he said shortly to Remus, avoiding eye-contact.

"Actually," said Remus, grabbing him by the arm. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Huh?"

"I said I wanted to talk to you," Remus said.

"Yeah, I know. About what?"

"In the bathroom," said Remus, dragging Sirius back into the room and closing the door.

"What's up?" asked Sirius, trying to stay calm. Remus narrowed his eyes.

" _What's up_?" he asked. "You know what's up, Sirius."

"Oh...  _that_."

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday," muttered Remus. "It wasn't fair. Of course you can hurt over what happened. It would be wrong if you weren't hurting."

"Oh... yeah... thanks," said Sirius off-handedly, taking another look at himself in the mirror and nervously flattening down his hair. Remus clicked his fingers in front of Sirius' face.

"Hello?" he said. "I was thinking that maybe you might want to apologise to me, too."

"What? Why would I apologise to you?" asked Sirius. Remus sighed.

"For almost telling James that I like him," he prompted. Sirius bit his lip, and looked at the ground.

"Well... I don't think I should apologise," Sirius said quietly. "I didn't do anything wrong. I was just trying to confirm for you, that James is straight. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I really hate you sometimes," said Remus through gritted teeth. "I actually can't stand you."

"Oh, what  _now_?" Sirius asked. "I can never do anything right when it comes to you."

"You mess everything up for me!" Remus yelled. "You mess up  _everything_!"

"How have I messed everything up?"

"Well, where do we start? Oh yeah, let's start with that  _little incident_  concerning Snape and the Whomping Willow. That was my secret. You blew it just like that-"

"-That was ages-"

"- _Shut up, Sirius_. I'm talking. Then, we have that other little incident where you cheated on me. Yeah, that really messed things up for me. You  _know_  I haven't got over you. Everyone can see that! I know I  _have_  to get over you because you're horrible. You're nasty, you're lying, cheating and a complete idiot, and I don't want to spend my life  _wanting_  to be with someone like that. That's why I have been trying to get over you."

"-But-"

"- _Please_  let me finish," said Remus slowly. "I finally found someone that I could  _maybe_  like. I was happy enough to believe that I liked James. I was happy enough to believe that I'd got over you, but then, once again, you have to ruin everything. It's like you don't want me to be happy!"

"I did it so you  _could_  be happy!"

"Can you just leave me alone, Sirius? Don't interfere. You don't have the right to interfere any more. See, only my friends have that right, and you lost my friendship when you continued to hurt me."

"But you already told me that you were over those other things!" shouted Sirius with a mixture of anger and sadness. "You can't just say you're over them, and then just bring them up when you want to blame me for something."

"Who said I can't? I was never over any of them. I just tried to ignore them. Truth is, you've been hurting me for a long time and I can't take it any more. And I lied. I'm not sorry about what I said yesterday, what you did was wrong and sick, and you should be ashamed of yourself."

"You're a right prat, you know?" Sirius said, shoving him back against the wall with force. Remus glared at him.

"You call me the prat, when  _you're_ the one using violence against someone you claim to care for."

"I don't care for you any more. Like you said, our friendship  _is_  over, and not just because you said so... it's because you're not worth it."

"Boo hoo... that's so sad," Remus said, rolling his eyes and walking out of the door.

Sirius clenched his fists, making his knuckles go white. He hadn't felt so angry since Regulus had broke up with him. After waiting for a few minutes in frozen silence, he let out a breath and walked back into the dormitory. He saw Remus sitting with Peter, talking in angry whispers. Gritting his teeth, he averted his eyes to his own bed. It was a surprise to see James sitting there looking at him expectantly. As he walked over to the bed, James looked up at him as if he were saying 'what the hell happened, mate?'

Sirius' eyes widened in anger as he shook his head and glanced at Remus. James nodded understandingly and pulled Sirius out of the dormitory. As they walked down through the common room, and through the castle, neither of them spoke. When they reached the Quidditch pitch, Sirius didn't even question James to why they were there – it was because they needed somewhere at talk. Alone.

* * *

"HE IS  _PISSING_  ME OFF!" yelled Sirius when they finally stopped. "I JUST WANT TO- I WANT TO- GOD, I WISH I COULD JUST KILL HIM!"

"Hey! Calm down a bit. Think about what you're saying. You don't want to kill him," said James, grabbing Sirius' arms and putting them down by his side, after he'd been throwing them around frantically.

"I'm sorry," groaned Sirius. "But I can't stand him! He's just so... so... there aren't even  _words_!"

"Be careful what you say, Sirius," said James. "He's your friend, remember."

" _Friend_?" laughed Sirius. "No. We aren't friends. Not any more."

"Tell me what happened," said James shortly. "We can't fix it unless you tell me."  
"What makes you think I want to fix it?" Sirius asked. "Maybe I'm happier that way. I don't have to worry about  _him_  thinking he's so  _perfect_  and thinking that  _everyone's_ trying to hurt him!"

"Sirius. What happened?"

"He's a bastard."

"No, really," said James. "What happened?"

"I hate him," growled Sirius.

" _Sirius_... tell me what actually happened!"

"I was just going about my business when he demanded that I talk to him and he then apologised for what he said yesterday but he's not really sorry because he told me that after I said I wasn't sorry for trying to let him know that you're straight and he has no chance with you and he flipped and said that I always hurt him and he hates me and I lost his friendship and then I shoved him against the wall and he said something that made me angry and walked out."

"I didn't catch any of that," said James. "Talk  _slowly_."

"I just don't want to talk about it," Sirius said, slightly out of breath. "Where did I go wrong, James?"

"You didn't-"

"-I did! Look at me! I'm a complete mess!" With that, he completely broke down in James' arms, letting out all of the tears that had been desperately trying to escape. Tears of anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, loss. James didn't say anything; he held onto his best friend. Sirius couldn't believe this was happening... how  _un-Sirius-like_. He didn't cry, and especially not in the arms of his best friend.

It could have been minutes, hours, seconds – Sirius wasn't sure – but when he broke out of the hug, he felt a hundred times better. He sniffed and nodded at James.

"Thanks," he mumbled, giving him a slight smile. James smiled back.

"It's OK. Now, do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Alright."


	15. Breaking World

"He  _what_?" James asked, wide-eyed.

"He likes you," said Sirius. James stared straight back at him with the strangest look in his eyes.

"Likes... me?" he asked, without blinking.

"Yeah."

"Why?" he questioned curiously.

"Why should I know? Ask him!" Sirius said impatiently.

"Sorry," said James. "I just can't believe it. I mean, I know you both were gay of course, but I never thought that one of you would actually like me in that way..."

"Yeah, well-"

"- and Remus of all people!"

"Yeah, so-"

"- and doesn't he know that I'm  _straight_?"

"Yeah, that's what I was trying to-"

"- I should really let him down lightly, shouldn't I?"

"If you-"

"- but then, I don't want to hurt him. He's my mate."

"Well, you don't want to-"

"- lead him on?"

"Yeah, how did you-"

"- I just know what you mean. I know! It's hard Sirius. What should I do?"

"Well, you could-"

"- but I'm really not used to this! It's so surreal!"

"- IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME TALK!" shouted Sirius frustratedly. James shut up and mouthed the word 'sorry'. "Just speak to him about... well... I don't know why I'm trying to make it easier for him after what he just  _did_ to me! You know what? Hurt him as much as you want. I'll be thrilled to watch."

"Sirius, you don't mean that," said James disapprovingly.

"Oh really?" challenged Sirius. "I couldn't care less if he died right now."

"Why don't you watch your words?" James said. "If he died right now, you would feel terrible."

"Yeah yeah," said Sirius. James sighed.

"Shall we just go back up to the castle? You're supposed to be going on a date today remember?"

"OH CRAP!" said Sirius. "I forgot! James, I'm a mess!"

"You look fine," shrugged James. "Just be yourself and she'll love you. Come on, let's go."

* * *

"Sirius!" cried Marlene, rushing up to him and grabbing his hand. "You look gorgeous as ever, of course," she winked. Sirius gulped and smiled.

"Thanks," he mumbled. "So do you."

"Oh, stop it," she said, waving off the compliment. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure," he said in a voice a few octaves higher than he would have liked.

The walk down to Hogsmeade was extremely uncomfortable and awkward.  
"So..." said Sirius, trying to ease the tension.

"What's your favourite colour?" asked Marlene lamely.

"Red. You?"

"Blue."

"Ah, cool."

"Red's a cool colour too, though," said Marlene. "Gryffindor!"

"Yeah!" Sirius said, punching the air with no enthusiasm.

"So," Marlene cleared her throat. "Where would you like to go?"

"Anywhere," said Sirius.

"The Three Broomsticks?" suggested Marlene, and Sirius shrugged.

"Sure."

As Madam Rosmerta placed the two butterbeers on their table, they both took a sip and stared at each other, hoping for the other to bring up something interesting to talk about.

"Well this sucks," said Marlene after a while. "No offence, but you're so boring. If you don't want to talk, why don't we just kiss?"

"Huh?"

"Shut up," she said, pulling his face towards her and shoving her tongue in his mouth. He kissed back, trying to mimic the force she was putting into it. He felt her grab his hand and run it down her body, slowly, down her neck, over her shoulders. She stopped at her heart, where he felt it beat fast. She moved his hand down to her breasts, and he gasped as he cupped them in his hands.

"Mmm... you like that?" she whispered seductively in his ear with a small giggle.

"No," he said automatically. She pulled away in confusion.

"What?"

"I mean yes! I like it!" he said, willing himself to at least  _try_  to enjoy it. She smiled at him and he nearly jumped out of his skin as her hand grasped his crotch.

"M-M- _Whoah_! We're in public!" he yelled at her. She laughed.

" _So_?"

"So I don't want people to see  _this_ ," he said.

"We can go somewhere a little more private," Marlene said, biting her lip. "I'm not wearing any underwear," she added in a whisper.

"Eww!" he shouted, backing away. "Why would you tell me that?"

"Because you're supposed to find it sexy!" she replied, pouting.

"You are  _not_  sexy!"

"Well neither are you," she answered. "I only did this because I was bored anyway. There were better guys I could have spent my time with."

"Lovely to know," replied Sirius dryly. "I'll just be leaving now."

"Yeah, because I know that there was no way you would be coming," she yelled after him.

"Not with you!" he yelled back, slamming the door shut.

* * *

Collapsing on the floor with his head in his hands, Sirius let out a cry of frustration. Why did everything have to be so complicated for him? He couldn't ever do anything right. Not even with a perfectly beautiful girl. He was just hopeless.

"Are you OK?" asked someone. Sirius looked up.

"I'm fine," he said angrily.

"Are you sure?" asked Peter. "You seem to be really upset lately."

"Don't you know why?" Sirius asked. "I saw you speaking to Remus this morning."

"Yeah, but-"

"-Choose your side carefully, Pete. Him or me."

"What?"

"I understand. You choose him. Why not? He always was so wonderfully  _perfect_."

"I think you should go see a doctor Sirius," Peter said worriedly. "No offence, but you don't seem right."

"How?" mocked Sirius.

"You seem to have lost it a little," said Peter apologetically.

"You think I'm crazy?" Sirius laughed.

"I didn't say that!" said Peter. "You seem to have just got so stressed that you're losing it a bit. You just need to see a doctor. You'll be fine."

"Thanks, but no thanks Pete," said Sirius, walking off back towards the castle without a look back at his friend.

* * *

Crazy? How could  _he_ be crazy?  _The_  Sirius Black. Crazy. Ha! Sirius laughed to himself as he walked through the corridors. Then again, he thought, he  _was_ in the Black family. Why  _wouldn't_  he be crazy? But he knew he was different. He was a Gryffindor – that had to mean something, and he had the courage to run away from home. He wasn't crazy.

Lost in his thoughts, Sirius collided hard with someone, falling to the ground.

"Aww m'head!" he slurred, as he sat up, the room spinning before his eyes. When his sight got back into focus, he saw who it was that he had collided with. The person who was sitting in front of him, looking at him in concern. His brother.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"No," said Sirius.

"I didn't mean to... I was just walking... I just... I didn't see you-"

"- You ruined me," croaked Sirius. Regulus' face fell and he looked at Sirius with sincere sympathy.

"I am so sorry," he said. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

"I love you," said Sirius. "How could you... could you... could you... do this?"

"I don't know," Regulus said with a frown.

"You're evil," Sirius spat.

"I'm not-"

"- You are so evil," continued Sirius. "And I can't even find the strength to stop myself from crying."

"Oh god," said Regulus, looking at Sirius with sad eyes. Sirius let the tears fall down his face, and he didn't even care who walked by and saw it. He didn't care that he was vulnerable. He just didn't care. Nothing mattered to him any more. He wasn't even sure what he was living for...

An ex-boyfriend who hated him? A brother who betrayed him? A girl who humiliated him? A friend who accused him of being what he wasn't?

He just wasn't sure any more.


	16. Miracle

"I have to... h-have to go," sobbed Sirius, pushing himself up off the ground and heading back in the direction he'd come from. However, he didn't get very far.

"Come back here, now," said Regulus demandingly. Sirius didn't want to stop, but the tone of Regulus' voice made him come to a halt. It was if he didn't have a choice. He stayed rooted on the spot, facing away from Regulus.

"What?" he managed to reply through tears. Regulus didn't answer him straight away. Instead, there was silence and suddenly two arms slipped around Sirius, holding him tightly. He wanted more than anything to pull away, but he found he couldn't.

"I'm sorry," whispered Regulus, tightening his grip on Sirius. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't know what you've done." The voice was so cold and distant that Sirius wasn't even sure it was his own voice. Despite his cold tone, he couldn't help sagging against his brother and sighing.

"I didn't mean any of it," said Regulus, as if Sirius hadn't spoken. "What I said back at home. It was because I was angry, and you wouldn't listen to me. It was completely wrong."

"You tried to  _crucio_  me!" yelled Sirius. "How can you... can you... how... YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO JUST  _FORGIVE_  YOU AFTER THAT!"

"I know," muttered Regulus, his voice coloured with what was clearly regret. "I don't expect you to. It would be a miracle if you did. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am."

"I don't know what to say to you," sighed Sirius, wiping his eyes and pulling out of the hug. He couldn't see Regulus properly as his vision was blurred from the tears. "I'm having the worst year of my life. It all started because of you."

"I know," mumbled Regulus again.

"And you don't even care!" cried Sirius. Regulus winced as though Sirius had hit him across the face.

"Of course I care!" he answered crossly, glaring at Sirius. "Why would I be telling you how sorry I am if I didn't care? I care too much! I feel so bad about how stupid I was."

"What are you sorry for?" asked Sirius, staring down at the ground like a sulky child who was getting into trouble.

"Everything," Regulus answered, peering up at him with sincerity. Sirius looked more hurt than touched. He looked into Regulus' face with a pained expression.

"You're sorry for  _everything_?" he asked, with no expression in his voice. Regulus' eyes widened as he realised what Sirius meant.

"NO!" he shouted quickly, grabbing Sirius' arm and squeezing it lightly. "I'm not sorry at all for what happened between us. I loved every minute of it. It was...  _you_  were absolutely perfect. I'm sorry for not standing up for you against Dad, and I'm sorry I got angry and broke up with you like that. I'm sorry for trying to hurt you more than I already had."

Sirius laughed. "I'm not perfect. I'm a bloody mess! Not even fifteen minutes ago one of my friends expressed his concerns about my sanity and asked that I see a doctor."

"Sirius!" Regulus hissed, eyes getting larger. "Are you unwell?"

"I'm fine," he groaned. "Just stressed about you and Remus and some stupid pig called Marlene."

"I thought you were friends with him again?" Regulus asked awkwardly. Sirius grimaced and shook his head.

"No."

"Oh," said Regulus, staring into Sirius' eyes. He nervously began picking at the hem of his school jumper, biting his lip slightly. "Do you forgive me, Sirius?" he asked so quietly that anyone walking by would not have heard.

Sirius sighed. He felt so torn inside. As much as he wanted to forgive Regulus, he had hurt him more than anyone else. "I'll forgive you-"

"Thank you-"

"- _If_  you get back together with me," finished Sirius, staring in to Regulus' eyes with hope.

"That isn't fair," said Regulus suddenly, backing away a little. "I'm getting  _married_!"

"Who cares?" Sirius said heartlessly. He didn't care. Regulus needed to choose.

" _I_  care! Mum and Dad care! The whole  _family_  cares! I can't just... get with you and sneak my way out of this wedding. I'd be in so much trouble and end up just like you!"

"Do you want to get married?  _Really_?" Sirius asked curiously.

"NO! I  _don't_  want to get married to a girl I don't know at all, but I have to, don't I? There is no way out. It's done." Regulus now looked close to tears and Sirius felt a wave of pity.

"Just say no," he whispered quickly. "Stand up for yourself."

"That's easy to say coming from you," muttered Regulus angrily. "You always say how you feel, but I can't stand up to them. I'm not brave like you."

"You were brave enough to attempt using the cruciatus curse on someone you cared about," Sirius said with disbelief at the casual way he was talking about the event that had upset him so much. Regulus shook his head vigorously.

"That's not brave! That's stupid and cruel and nasty."

"You weren't thinking," said Sirius.

"This has nothing to do with that wedding I'm having next month," said Regulus, glowering at him. Sirius sighed, taking Regulus' hand.

"Please don't go through with it. Not just for me, but for yourself. Don't do anything you don't feel happy doing.  _Please_."

Regulus gave him a small smile and shrugged half-heartedly. "I'll try," he said softly. "I'll try to stand up to them."

"That's all I ask," said Sirius, smiling too. They stood like that in silence for a few moments, and then Sirius pulled Regulus forward a little. "So will you be mine again?"

Regulus nodded wordlessly and leaned into Sirius, pressing his face against his chest. Sirius' face cracked into the biggest grin as he wrapped his arms around Regulus and hugged him tightly.

"I love you," Sirius said simply, hoping more than anything that Regulus would reply in the way he wanted him to. He felt him smile into his chest.

"I love you too," he said quietly.

* * *

The walk back up to Gryffindor Tower was a blur for Sirius. A wonderful blur of emotions. He still couldn't believe what had happened downstairs with Regulus, and he had to actually pinch himself a few times to make sure it was real. Each time, he was delighted to feel that horrible pain from where he'd pinched himself, knowing that it meant that he was really back with the love of his life.

As he reached the portrait hole and entered the common room, he didn't care that he was wearing the dopiest grin on his face and that other students were sniggering at him.

He walked all the way up to his dormitory with that stupid expression on his face, and completely forgot about his tiff with Remus until he opened the door and stepped in.

He was greeted with the sight of James and Peter crowding around Remus, who was shaking. Was he  _crying_? Sirius bit his lip and rolled his eyes. Why should he care anyway? They weren't friends anymore, and Remus brought it upon himself anyway.

Sirius made his way towards his bed and flopped down on it, lounging back against the pillow and drawing the curtain. His grin returned as he recalled what had happened with Regulus, and suddenly a whole new rush of memories flowed into his mind.

Their first kiss. It was so unexpectedly perfect, he recalled. It had been the start of such a whirlwind of emotions and stress, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

Then there was that one time in the corridor when they had shared a much more passionate kiss, and Sirius realised that being with his brother was actually pretty exciting.

When Sirius had been in the hospital wing and Regulus had told him he loved him for the first time. That was one memory that couldn't ever be wiped from his mind, for two reasons. One; it was a special moment for him. Two; it was a devastating one. That had been the night that Remus had seen them together. Sirius hastily pushed it from his mind.

The time where they snuck away to the Room of Requirement was the most spectacular, magical memory he could remember. Everything had been perfect, and he desperately wanted another encounter like that with Regulus.

And then there were all those other times where they would sneak away and have private conversations and kisses, and it felt as thought it was only the two of them and nobody else.

Sirius wondered how many more amazing memories would be created after tonight, and he also wondered how many hurtful memories would be created. It wasn't like there wasn't a balance of good:bad memories.

Their first kiss resulted in him cheating on Remus. Their sneaky kisses in the corridor led to him feeling even guiltier about cheating on his boyfriend. The first time Regulus told him he loved him resulted in Remus witnessing it. When they were in the Room of Requirement, he lost all of his friends. When Remus finally forgave him, Regulus broke up with him. Now that Regulus was back with him again, Remus had vowed never to talk to him again.

The ratio was even. If something good were to happen now, he knew something bad would happen too. He sighed, his grin fading a little at the realisation.

"Sirius?" asked James, pulling open his curtains. " _Silencio_ ," he muttered, creating a silent pocket in the room, where only they could hear one another.

"Yeah?" replied Sirius, sitting up in his bed. James looked up at the roof, and sighed.

"He's really upset," he said, not having to refer to who he was talking about. Sirius knew he was talking about Remus.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" asked Sirius. "He told me he wants nothing to do with me. He keeps snapping at me for the smallest things. I'm sorry, but I tried my hardest but he just doesn't want to forgive me."

"Make more of an effort," said James bluntly. "Even if he doesn't want you to. When he's in the library, just follow him and talk to him for a while. Or when he's sitting alone in class, go and sit next to him. He's just so distraught over everything. He doesn't know what he's doing and he needs a friend like you. You and Remus were always closer than any of us, even  _before_  you were together. You had a very special friendship. Get it back."

"What if he pushes me away?" questioned Sirius.

"Don't let him push you away," James replied. "I know you don't want to be with him, but let him know that you still want to be friends with him."

"I'll give it a go," mumbled Sirius, doubtful that it would work. James smiled, and punched his friend in the arm.

"Great! You see, this is why best friends shouldn't go out with each other," he said. Sirius laughed and nodded.

"I know," he said. "And guess what?"

"What?" asked James in interest.

"I'm back with Reg now," Sirius said with a grin. He couldn't help himself from blurting it out but he wanted to scream it to the whole world. He was so happy. James looked shocked but then his face relaxed into a smile.

"That's good," he said. "Just... don't let him hurt you again."

"He won't."

"How do you know that?" asked James in concern as he looked at Sirius with an odd expression.

"I just know. It'll be fine," replied Sirius, smiling and internally kicking himself because he knew that whenever he said things like that, the opposite usually happened.


	17. Friends

It was Sunday morning and Sirius woke up, yawning and sitting up in his bed. He peered around the room through sleepy eyes and saw two empty beds.

"Hey," said Peter, smiling slightly at Sirius from the bed opposite. Sirius stood up and stretched.

"Hi," he replied, heading to the bathroom.

"Sirius wait," said Peter uncertainly. Sirius stopped in his tracks and turned around. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what I said to you yesterday-"

"- It's fine," Sirius answered, smiling. Peter didn't look convinced.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "What I said really wasn't nice..."

"But it was true," Sirius said, moving over to sit with Peter. "I was a little out of it, wasn't I? I think if it had gone on any longer, I would have had a complete meltdown, and I didn't even listen to your advice..."

"It was  _that_  bad?" Peter gasped, looking at Sirius with worry in his eyes. Sirius nodded, feeling depressed even from the memories of how he was feeling yesterday.

"You don't even know half of the stuff that was going through my head," he muttered, sagging a little.

Peter bit his lip and leaned forward to hug Sirius awkwardly. Peter never hugged anyone unless he really felt it was necessary. Sirius felt a rush of affection for his friend.

"But you're OK now?" Peter asked him as they pulled apart. Sirius let out a breath and nodded, smiling.

"I'm good," he replied, his smile growing larger.

"Why the sudden change?" asked Peter.

"I'm... I got back together with Regulus," Sirius said, grinning. He couldn't help it – he was just so happy. Peter laughed.

"Your life is like a soap opera!" he said, shaking his head. Sirius stared at him blankly.

"A  _what_?"

"A soap opera. Oh, you wizards suck. A soap opera is a TV show that follows the life of normal Muggles, but it's usually full of drama," said Peter, with a small smile. "Just like your life."

"A TV? That's the box thing that they have, right? It plays photographs with words?" Sirius asked, a little confused. Peter couldn't stop himself from laughing.

"Yes, that's a TV," he answered, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulders. "You really should have taken Muggle Studies, mate."

"Yeah, I know," nodded Sirius, laughing a little. "So when did James leave?"

"About half an hour ago, with Remus."

"Any idea where they went?" he asked. Peter shrugged.

"They didn't tell me. I think Remus just wanted to get away from... er... you."

"Oh," said Sirius, looking down. "Well, I'm going to get ready and go down for breakfast. Wait up for me?"

"Sure," said Peter.

* * *

"So will you fix it with Remus, then?" Peter asked through a mouthful of food at breakfast. Sirius scrunched up his nose.

"That's gross, Pete. I can see all your food..."

Peter swallowed and rolled his eyes. "Well?"

"I don't really see why I should," Sirius said. "He brought it on himself..."

"But he's so upset!" said Peter.

"His fault," Sirius said simply, waving his hand dismissively. Peter's mouth opened exasperatedly.

"He's your friend!"

"He  _was_  my friend. Look, if I had it my way, we'd be friends. How it is, Remus decided that he didn't want anything to do with me. What can I do about it?" Sirius asked, sighing. "I can't change his mind."

"Yes  _you_  can!" Peter said, smiling. "He listens to you more than he listens to us! He always gives in when it's you! Just do something nice for him... he probably won't talk to you straight away, but give it time. If you leave it like this, you'll lose him forever, and do you really want that?"

"Of course not," mumbled Sirius, staring down. "I don't want to lose him."

"Then at least  _try_  to fix it," Peter said. Sirius smiled.

"I was speaking to James about this very thing last night. I told him I'd try, and I'll tell you the same. If you both think I can do it, then maybe I can..."

"Good," said Peter, taking a gulp of his pumpkin juice. He was interrupted by a girlish squeal, almost spitting his juice out all over the table. He turned to look for the source of the sound.

"That was so sweet!" Mary McDonald said, staring at Peter with fascination. "You're so sweet!"

"Huh?" he asked blankly. Mary shifted towards him and smiled up at him.

"That was very thoughtful of you, Peter. I think you give wonderful advice," she said, her eyes boring right into Peter's.

Sirius smiled when Peter's face lit up at the comment. "He's great," he said to Mary. "A great friend."

"He is?" Mary asked in interest. Sirius winked at Peter and walked off, leaving him blushing furiously next to Mary.

* * *

He made his way up to the Gryffindor Common Room, where he sat down by the fire and waited. Surely Remus would walk in soon? He needed to fix it...

And not just for him and Remus, but for James and Peter too. They had both got sucked into this horrible mess, and Sirius didn't want them to have to pick sides. Something had to be done...

_Ten minutes... fifteen minutes... twenty minutes... twenty two minutes..._

Where was Remus? Sirius sighed.

_Half an hour..._

Sirius jumped up and smacked himself in the face for his stupidity. He ran upstairs to the dormitory and pulled out his wand. "Accio Marauders Map."

A piece of parchment came flying towards him and he caught it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he said, pointing his wand at the piece of parchment. The words and drawings appeared suddenly, showing him the map of Hogwarts that he and his friends had created a year previously.

His eyes scanned the map. Finally, after a lot of searching, he saw the small dot labelled 'Remus Lupin', alone in the astronomy tower. Sirius felt a wave of pity wash over him as he thought of Remus sitting all by himself.

"Mischief managed," he said, stuffing the map into his robe pocket and making his way out of the room. As he was about to leave the common room, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Where are you going?" James asked him.

"I'm going to talk to Remus," he replied, and James nodded.

"Good luck."

"Thanks," muttered Sirius, smiling and leaving the common room.

The walk up to astronomy tower was very long and nerve-racking. Sirius didn't have a clue what he wanted to say to Remus – their last encounter hadn't been very friendly. He pushed it from his mind and decided he's just say whatever came at the time.

As he came to the final stairs, he slowed down, walking quietly up to the room. He peered around and walked towards him.

"Rem?" Sirius croaked, making Remus turn around swiftly, wiping the tears from his face.

"W-w-what do you w-want?" he asked, trying to sound strong, but failing. Sirius moved a little closer, so they were both staring over the top of the balcony.

"I just wanted to talk to you," said Sirius quietly.

"We talked yesterd-day," Remus replied, not looking at him. They stood in silence for a minute.

"I messed up," said Sirius finally. "But so did you. We both did. I don't like us not talking, Remus."

"N-n-neither do I! But it hurts more to be your friend and remember everything that happened!" Remus blurted out, falling to the ground and putting his head in his hands. Sirius dropped down next to him and put an arm around Remus' shaking form.

"Remus, dont' push my arm away. You need it," said Sirius, as Remus tried.

"I d-don't need you," said Remus.

"Are you sure about that?" Sirius asked. Remus looked up and nodded. Sirius sighed and spoke again. "Because I definitely need you."

"You don't need me," Remus sobbed. "You've been fine without me."

"Fine? I've been upset. Rem, nobody could lose somebody like you and be  _fine_  about it."

Remus laughed. "No, they'd be over the moon about it."

"Don't talk like that," said Sirius seriously. "You're worth so much. Don't think... Remus... please listen to me. I miss you like hell."

"I miss you too," whispered Remus. "I said I don't want anything to do with you, but that's only because I'm scared."

"Scared?" asked Sirius.

"Scared of getting hurt again."

"I'll never hurt you again," promised Sirius. "I  _promise_."

Remus looked into Sirius' eyes and looked away again quickly. "I wish you loved me," he said hopelessly.

Sirius felt his heart break. He could see how much Remus loved him, and it killed him not to be able to say 'I love you' back to him. "I  _do_ , Remus. As a friend. Isn't that enough?"

"I j-just love you so m-m-much," said Remus sadly, looking at his hands. Sirius couldn't help it. He pulled Remus in for a hug. It was the least he could do. Remus had looked and sounded so upset, and Sirius felt like the most horrible person ever. He couldn't just leave him sitting there like that. Remus cried into his shoulder, and Sirius rubbed his back.

"I wish I could tell you I felt the same way," whispered Sirius. "But if I told you that, I'd be lying. You wouldn't want me to lie, would you?"

Remus pulled out of the hug and shook his head. "Y-you. You're with  _h-h-him_  again, aren't you?"

Sirius decided he'd better tell the truth. "Yes," he replied. Remus looked hurt, but nodded.

"I thought you l-looked a b-b-bit happier," he said. "I'm not saying this b-because I'm j-jealous, but I d-d-don't think he's good for you, Sirius."

"Why not?" Sirius asked.

"I just don't," said Remus. "It's your choice. I can't change that."

"Remus, you have to understand that I love him. Like you love me. I bet you think I'm bad for you, but you still love me."

"That's true," Remus sighed, looking up at Sirius. "OK, fine. I'm sorry I was so nasty to you the past couple of months. I was just so hurt and jealous and angry. I shouldn't have acted that way. I'm sorry."

"Really?" asked Sirius in surprise. "I'm so sorry, too. I really messed everything up."

"Yeah," Remus laughed a bit. "But... c-can I, you know? Just maybe... one more k-kiss?"

"Remus, I don't know about-"

" _Please_ ," Remus begged, and Sirius bit his lip. He knew he shouldn't, but one little kiss wouldn't hurt would it? He closed his eyes, and pulled Remus in for a kiss.

Their lips were inches apart...

"No!" Sirius said, snapping his eyes open and backing away a bit. Remus opened his eyes too and he looked as though he was trying to fight back tears.

Sirius just couldn't do it. One harmless kiss... as if that was what it was...

It had all started in the first place with a 'harmless kiss'. A kiss that led to so many things, and Sirius couldn't risk that happening again. He needed to learn from his mistakes.

"Remus," he said quietly. "I cheated on you in September with Regulus and you've only just managed to forgive me. You're asking me to do the same thing right now. You're asking me to cheat on him with you. I can't do it. I know how much pain it causes people. I can't do that twice. It's a mistake I need to learn from."

Remus blinked a tear from his eyes and finally nodded. "Y-y-you're right. I'm sorry. I w-wasn't thinking."

"It's OK," said Sirius, putting his arm around Remus again. "It'll be fine."

Nothing else was said; they sat in silence, keeping each other warm up in the astronomy tower for the rest of the day. Both upset about everything that had happened over the past couple of months, but both happy that they were friends again.


	18. A Night To Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit sexual content

There are moments in life that truly bring us to a stand-still, and we say to ourselves,  _"Yeah, I knew this all along."_  Little details that we once never noticed become more vibrant; intricacies and seemingly unimportant feelings burst into bloom and bring us to life.

Our senses ignite and we just have the urge to touch, to feel, to share that moment with another whom we hold dear to our hearts. This was one such moment, as Sirius and Regulus were about to realise.

The two boys steeped in through the impressive arched doorway and blinked in the sudden light. The glow was gentle and soft. It was also white, and this was confusing.

"I thought sunlight was yellow." Sirius muttered, while holding a hand in front of his face to shield off the bright rays.

"I don't think its sunlight." Regulus replied, and his voice was filled with awe. Sirius lowered his hand and looked around the room.

"Holy…" he trailed off; unable to come up with any words to describe his feelings, or what he thought of the room they were standing in.

The Room of Requirement – so named because of its ability to give the user whatever sort of setting they desired – had transformed into the most breath-taking of landscapes. It seemed to stretch on for miles, encompassing almost all the criteria's of what Sirius's perfect night fantasy entailed.

In front of them was a paved pathway that was lined with roses and lilies. The path led to a small white bridge that curved gently over a smoothly flowing stream that had the clearest water Sirius had ever seen. The moonlight reflected off the glistening waters, and the effect was simply astounding. The path then continued on to a large white cabana that had red drapes waiting to conceal whatever was going on inside.

Sirius blushed as he thought of all the things he'd like to do to Regulus in that cabana. Regulus bounced excitedly on his toes beside Sirius.

"I say, it's a map, Siri!" Sirius frowned.

"What?'

"See how the path seems to lead to different places?" Regulus said, "Well the 'X' behind each place probably means that we can't go further without completing whatever there is to be done at each stage. Sirius's cheeks flamed even redder. Dear Merlin, the room was really acting out his fantasy. He hoped Regulus would never figure out that this was his doing.

"This makes everything much more interesting." Regulus's voice dropped an octave and Sirius felt his cock harden in response. "Don't you think we should find out what the room has in store for us?" Sirius swallowed audibly and just barely managed to nod. Regulus peeked up at him through lowered eyelids and smiled. "Then come on, I want you, I need my brother to fuck me, to make love to me, to make me scream."

' _Holy shit,'_  Sirius thought. He was growing painfully hard, and if Regulus didn't stop talking in that low sexy voice, or didn't stop looking at him like that, he was going to blow his load before the game had even begun – and  _that_  would be a crying shame.

He shook his head to clear in and managed to recollect himself in that space of time. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he re-opened them, he shocked Regulus to his core with the most downright  _fucking amazing_  smoldering look ever.

"Before we begin, I have some rules." Sirius said; the dominance in his voice was overwhelming. Regulus shuddered by the mere strength of it. He could feel his submission rising with every word Sirius spoke."From now on, I am not Sirius. You may only refer to me as Master or brother." Regulus nodded eagerly. His cock started to twitch in anticipation. "You will obey all my commands," Sirius continued. "And you will not touch yourself unless I say so." Regulus closed his eyes and whimpered. He was so fucking hard by now and Sirius hadn't even touched him. This was insane.

' _He's going to blow my mind tonight,'_  he thought, and shivered. Sirius noticed and smirked. He reached out and took Regulus by the hand. Dragging him close to his body, he leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Tonight you're all mine, Slave. Tonight you'll do everything to please your Master, and if you're a good boy I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk in a straight line tomorrow." Regulus squirmed as his erection pressed against the confines of his pants.

"Please, Sirius." He gasped. "Let's start." Sirius released him and stepped away, folding his arms across his chest as he did.

"Breaking the rules already, Slave? You're a bad boy. I ought to punish you." Regulus looked at him with wide eyes, and Sirius could see that his pupils were completely blown-out.

"Yes, shit, fuck, Master I'm such a bad boy. Punish me Master."

' _Damn it to hell.'_  Sirius thought. Regulus looked absolutely fuckable. Without further ado, he grabbed Regulus's hand and dragged him down the path and over the bridge, not even taking time to appreciate the flowers or beautiful landscape where bunnies and other night creatures were wandering. He hasted up to the cabana and roughly pulled the drapes aside.

Regulus groaned at the sight that greeted them, and Sirius's mouth went dry.  _'Hot damn.'_  The Cabana was larger than it looked and fully equipped for bondage foreplay. Sirius silently led Regulus to the middle of the room where a large king sized bed stood, and released his hand. The drapes had swung shut, completely blocking out all forms of light from the outside. A gentle red florescent light was beaming down on them from above.

"Strip." Sirius said, turning to face his brother and already undressing him with his eyes. Regulus smirked and slowly began to remove his clothes. "Slower." Sirius breathed. He reached down and palmed himself through his trousers. Regulus whimpered, he wanted to get on with it already! But he had to obey his Master, so he slowed down. Sirius's hungry eyes roamed over his body and the taller boy groaned deep in his throat.

"Please, Master." Regulus whined, watching Sirius touch himself. "Allow your Slave to do that for you." Sirius's eyes rolled back in their sockets. He surged forwards and practically tore the rest of Regulus's clothes off.

"Down," he whispered, placing his hands on Reg's shoulders and pushing. Regulus obediently sunk to his feet. "Good boy." Sirius murmured. Regulus turned red at the praise. He was feeling very pleased with himself. Sirius grabbed him by the hair and tilted his head back.

"Suck me, Slave." he commanded. "But don't make me cum." Regulus sighed happily and reached out to undo Sirius's trousers. He pulled them down to his ankles and Sirius stepped out of them. Reg grinned at the bobbing erection in front of him. Sirius had gone commando, how fitting. He wrapped his hand around it and Sirius grunted. Regulus took his time playing with his brother's cock until Sirius had had enough. He grabbed his dick and forced it into Regulus's hot, waiting mouth.

"Fuck that's hot." Sirius gasped. Regulus relaxed his throat and Sirius kept pushing until he hit the back. "Damn, fucking hell." Sirius swore. Regulus hummed happily around his cock and Sirius shivered. He tightened his grip on Reg's hair and gently started moving his head, while moving his own hips too. Regulus dutifully continued to suck him while Sirius fucked his mouth. He was so hard just from the thought of being a hole for Sirius to use and abuse. His rock hard cock twitched making a wet slapping noise as it jerked on and off his stomach.

Regulus reached down to touch himself. He'd barely wrapped his fingers around himself before Sirius stepped back and glared at him.

"What were the rules, Slave?" Regulus blushed.

"I'm sorry, Master." Sirius frowned.

"Oh no, you're not. Not yet." Regulus groaned at his tone. He watched with slightly panicked eyes as Sirius lazily drifted towards the bed and flopped onto it. "You disobeyed the rules, beautiful." Sirius said. He began stroking himself and Regulus moaned at the sight.

"No, Master. That's my job. I'm sorry, I won't misbehave anymore." Sirius stroked himself harder and panted.

"Were you a bad boy?" Regulus squirmed.

"Yes, Master, I'm sorry." Sirius swiped his thumb over the head of his dick and moaned. He lay back on the sheets and continued to pump his cock. Regulus whimpered in displeasure. "I'm truly sorry, Master! Please let me help you." Sirius could only grunt in reply. He was getting off just on the sheer dominance he was exerting over Reg. His brother's sexy way of begging wasn't helping much either. He jerked as his orgasm started to rise. Regulus was having a mini panic attack. "Please, Master! That's my job!" Sirius sighed and paused in his ministrations.

"Come finish what you started, Slave." Regulus released a happy cry and scuttled over to the bed, sinking his mouth down around Sirius's cock without question. "If you disobey me again the punishment won't be so lax." Sirius panted. He was trying to sound stern, but damn his brother had a fucking talented mouth. "You should suck cock for a living." Sirius groaned. "Seriously, do you study this shit?" Regulus hummed and bobbed his head up and down faster on the hard cock in his mouth.

He swiped his tongue over the tip and collected the precum there, before sinking down once more, drawing random patterns with his tongue as he went. He loved this feeling; the feeling of a hot, thick, heavy cock in his mouth – and the way it jerked when he sucked it just right. Sirius was fisting the bed sheets in his hand by now. He could feel the fire in his stomach getting hotter, and knew he was near completion.

Regulus deep-throated Sirius's cock until his nose was buried in the patch of dark hair at the base. He inhaled deeply and shuddered. Sirius's scent was addicting and electrifying. He smelt like sweat and sex and just  _Sirius._  God it was fucking amazing. He felt Sirius's thighs begin to shake and knew he was near. He hollowed his cheeks and swallowed, and Sirius came down his throat with a shout.

"Drink every drop." Sirius commanded; his voice strained with the force of his orgasm. He resisted the urge to flail like a madman as white lights danced across his vision. It was one of the best orgasms he'd ever had. Regulus obediently did as he was told, and licked his brother's softening cock clean once he was done.

Sirius lay absolutely still and tried to recover, ignoring the feel of Reg's tongue on his dick, lest he get hard again too soon. Regulus ran his tongue over the head of Siri's cock and groaned deep in his throat. The sound went right to Sirius's groin and his dick began twitching to life once more.

' _Seriously,'_  Sirius asked his horny body.  _'You're ready for round two already?'_ Apparently he was. Sirius sat up swiftly and grabbed Reg by his hair. "Get on the bed, Beautiful." He instructed. Regulus nodded and scrambled up the side of the large bed, and scooted to the middle. "Lie on your back." Sirius slid off the bed and padded over to the nearby dresser. The items lying on top of it were very interesting and would certainly prove useful as the foreplay went on. Sirius opened the dresser drawers and was again pleased with his finds. He took six items back to the bed with him and laid them out in a neat line.

He glanced up and nearly melted at the sight before him. Regulus was on his back and his legs were spread impossibly wide and bent at the knee. Sirius could see everything and  _hot damn_  that was a picture that surpassed the Mona Lisa.

"So hot," Sirius moaned. He picked up a pair of black fuzzy handcuffs and walked to the top of the bed. "Hands." He said simply. Regulus readily complied, raising his arms above his head and shivering when Sirius slipped the cuffs on, and chained them to the headboard. "Further punishment," Sirius smirked. "Since you're incapable of following rules."

Regulus looked at him with wide eyes and fully blown out pupils; Sirius almost took pity on the poor dear. He hadn't even blown his first load yet.

"Time to let me take care of you, beautiful." Sirius purred. He picked up the thin leather straps he'd brought with him, and tied Reg's ankles to the bed. "Jolly convenient these holes are." He muttered to himself – talking about the holes drilled into the metal bed frame.

"Master," Regulus whined. "I'm so hot, so hard. Please do something, anything." Sirius smirked as he straightened up and climbed onto the bed to kneel between Reg's knees.

"You will not come until I say so, Beautiful." He commanded. His eyes rolled back in his head slightly when he saw the harsh red colour of his brother's impressively rock hard cock. "Such a pretty cock." He murmured. He reached out and curled his fingers around it. Regulus arched slightly and moaned loudly.

' _He's so fucking responsive,'_  Sirius thought with a shudder. The noises were such a turn on. Dear Merlin. Sweat began to break out across Reg's forehead as Sirius started pumping his hand up and down his length.

"Master, please!" Regulus cried. He was so hard, so ready for release. He'd been holding it ever since he started giving Sirius his blow job and the need to shoot his load was becoming excruciatingly pressing.

"You may not come, Beautiful." Sirius deadpanned, and moved his fist faster, twisting his wrist at exactly the right times, and making Regulus scream and howl in a mix of pain and pleasure.

"Oh god, so good, fuck so good." Regulus moaned. "I need to cum, Master."

"No."

"Please!" Regulus wailed. Sirius smirked and leaned down, sinking his mouth around Reg's cock with no warning. Regulus tried, he really did try to obey the rules. Sirius's mouth was just too fucking hot and amazing though. He came with a shriek, jerking off the bed, his limbs moving on their own accord – as best they could under their restraints – as he flailed his way through his mind-blowing orgasm. He flopped back onto the bed a good minute later, chest heaving as he gasped for breath. His eyes were dazed and unfocused as Sirius leaned back with a grimace.

"You can't obey for shit, can you, Reg?" Regulus made a noncommittal noise."No matter; more opportunities for me to punish you." Sirius drawled. Regulus's eyes glazed over even more at the implications. He watched with hooded eyes as Sirius picked up another item and grinned wickedly. "What do you think, beautiful?" Regulus groaned.

"I think my ass is going to die tonight." He muttered.

"I think you're right."

* * *

Sirius had not been kidding. The item he had in his hand was a vibrator, and Regulus was currently a writhing, sweaty mess.

"Master," Regulus gasped. "Please…I…oh Merlin."

"What do you want, Beautiful?" Sirius demanded.

"M-more," Reg panted. "Higher setting." Sirius smirked and complied, flipping the vibrator switch to Seven. Reg's body jerked and he screamed. Sirius quickly leaned down and swallowed the sound with his lips. Regulus moaned into his mouth and sloppily pushed his tongue out to meet Siri's. Both boys groaned at the sensation of their slick, wet appendages sliding together.

Sirius wickedly upped the vibrator setting to nine, relishing in the way his brother's body jerked in response. Regulus bit down on Sirius's lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Sirius wasn't aware that he had a biting fetish, but the shot of desire that ran through him told him he did indeed. He leaned back and watched his brother suffer through the delicious torture he was providing, for a few more minutes.

"N-need t-to cum…" Regulus panted.

"You may not cum until I say so." Sirius smirked. Regulus groaned helplessly.

"Please Master!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Master, please!" Reg screeched.

Sirius set the vibrator to ten.

Regulus came with an explosive grunt, his eyes practically popping out of his head from the force. Sirius laughed inwardly. His brother simply could not obey rules He waited patently for Regulus to regain his breath – his own neglected erection was screaming for some attention, but he wanted to move on to the next stage before relieving himself.

Finally Reg's breath evened out and he glanced up at this brother with a timid stare. "Um…I'm sorry that I disobeyed, Master." He looked so adorably peeking up from under his eyelashes like that, that Sirius couldn't find the strength to berate him.

"Yes, well." Sirius slid off the bed and glided over to the dresser. "I've figured out how to deal with that." Regulus couldn't decide if he liked the sinister tone of his brother's voice, or not.

"What's your plan, Master?" he asked. Sirius opened up the dresser once more and scouted through the items there, deliberately ignoring Regulus for the moment. Finally he found what he wanted and dragged it out.

"You'll see soon enough, love." Sirius snapped his fingers and the restraints holding Reg down fell away. "Get up, we're moving on."

"Already?" Regulus slowly moved off the bed and stood in all his gorgeous nakedness. Sirius ran his eyes up and down his brother's body until the latter boys cheeks turned a ripe tomato red. "See something you like?" Reg asked playfully. His cheeks were still flushed, but there was a sneaky look in his eyes that told Sirius it wasn't out of embarrassment.

"We've done all we need to do here." Sirius replied. If the room was following his fantasy after all, then he already knew what the second stage entailed. He wondered when Regulus would find out that he was controlling the room's appearance.

"I just want to be fucked." Regulus said with a pout. Sirius's dick twitched.

"You can't just say things like that," he growled, stalking towards Reg with purpose.  _Goddamn_ , his brother had a filthy mouth and it never failed to turn him on. He dropped the item he'd previously picked up, so that he could grab Regulus's hips with bruising force. Their lips met in a desperate kiss. Loud, wet, smacking sounds filled the air as they savagely made out without a care in the world. Sirius reached down with one hand to grab their erections and rub them together. Regulus moaned loudly and started to rut against him so hard that their dicks clashed like swords.

"God, fuck." Sirius gasped. He moved his hands to grab Reg's ass and kneaded the mounds of flesh until Reg was whining and begging for more.

"Please, Master, please…I need more…want you…ugh." Reg breathed against his lips. Sirius smirked and drew Reg's lower lip into his mouth. He nibbled on the appendage knowing that the action would drive his brother crazy. Forgetting about the whole 'moving to the next stage' idea, Sirius slid a finger down the crack of Reg's ass and circled his hole. Regulus keened loudly and rubbed against him with more force.

"Gonna enter you dry." Sirius mumbled.

"Don't care." Regulus panted back. Sirius chuckled inwardly; of course his brother didn't care. He had no shame. Without any warning, Sirius roughly slid his finger into Regulus's quivering, waiting hole.

"Ohhhhhhh." Regulus dropped his head against Sirius's shoulder and bit down on his collarbone. Sirius searched around intently for Reg's sweet spot, he was certain – Regulus screamed – yeah he'd found it. "Right there, Master, right there!" Regulus cried. Sirius pumped his finger in and out of his brother's tight hole without any mercy.

"This is nothing compared to what my cock will feel like in you." Sirius growled. "When I take you, Reg, I'm going to take you good."

"Yes Master."

"Render you completely and utterly immobile."

"God yessssssss."

"Fuck you until you can't remember your name." Sirius savagely twisted his hand and Regulus screamed again. They were now rutting against each other so hard it was almost impossible to stand straight, how they managed to stay upright was beyond comprehension. Their sweat slicked bodies slid fluidly against one another. Both boys were gasping harshly, their chest heaving and brushing together at an erratic pace.

"So close." Regulus grunted.

"So cum," Sirius commanded. Regulus didn't have to be told twice. His cum came out in jets, splattering both their chests. Some even made it's way to Sirius chin. This almost made him lose it, but what really did him in was Regulus reaching down to pump his cock, while muttering about how amazing such a big heavy dick was going to feel in his ass.

Sirius didn't know how it happened. One moment he was standing upright, and the next he was staring at the ceiling. A worried Reg moved to hover over him, blocking the red florescent light from view.

"I think you blacked out for a minute." He stated unhelpfully.

"I guess it's a good thing that I cum so hard." Sirius muttered. "Says good things about our sexual endeavours." Regulus grinned and lay down beside him. Too winded to move, both boys stayed absolutely still for the next five minutes and simply enjoyed the lingering bliss of their mind-blowing orgasms.

The red florescent light started to fade, along with the roof of the cabana. Seconds later, the midnight sky was gazing down upon the boys and the pale light of the moon light up the room.

"Perfect timing." Reg yawned. Sirius poked him in the side.

"Don't you go falling asleep; the night is still young."

"I'm wide awake." Regulus replied. He could feel himself getting slightly turned on again by thoughts of what was to come. He couldn't wait for Sirius to take him fully, but for now, relaxing in the afterglow of their foreplay was just as good. He closed his eyes with a contented sigh.

Unbeknownst to Reg, Sirius has rolled over and was gazing at him silently, a small smile tugging on his lips. God his brother was beautiful. Beautiful and all his; he loved him so much.

His eyes roamed over Reg's naked body taking in all his perfections, and the imperfections that still added up to make him perfect. His eyes were closed, and his long lashes rested gently in the hollows beneath his eyes. The gentle moonlight glinted off them, giving off the illusion of them being tinted silver.

Sirius's eyes followed the strong jut of Regulus's jaw and trailed down his slender pale neck. He admired the slope it made as it melded into the curve of his arm. He loved moments like this; moments where he could just lie and take in the sheer awesomeness that was his brother.

Sirius couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face, nor could he control the way his heart constricted tightly in his chest. He reached out and pulled Reg closer to press a light kiss to the top of his brother's head. Regulus mumbled something inaudible and rolled over to loop his arm around Sirius's waist.

Sirius grinned. He felt really and truly happy for the first time in a long time. He had the perfect boyfriend and brother, and was getting on well at school. He didn't have a lot of friends, but the few he did have had proven themselves to truly be worthy of the title.

Sirius closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Reg's breathing against his body. It was very soothing, almost like a lullaby. The occasional sound of night creatures drifted in through the now open ceiling, but other than that, everything was silent and peaceful.

Sirius loved just sleeping next to Reg –granted they weren't really sleeping, but it was close enough – loved when it wasn't just about sex. They hadn't really done anything the night before, they had simply laid together, talking and laughing and being Sirius and Reg. It always made his heart soar when he realised that his relationship with Regulus was more than simply a roll in the hay and then a bunch of 'in-between' things.

Sirius loved moments like this, moments that mirrored the rest of their lives together. He was certain that he and Reg would be together forever. Sure they were going to have tons of problems, they were brothers after all. Their relationship was taboo on so many levels. But love was love, right? He loved Reg, he really did. He loved him with all his heart, so much, that sometimes he felt like he'd spontaneously combust from the simple joy he got from sharing his life with him. He wasn't letting Reg go, not ever and he knew Reg felt the same. At the beginning, when they were just starting out, he'd never dreamed that'd they'd ever make it this far. Yet here they were. Still together and in love six months later.

Sometimes Sirius wondered what Reg saw in him. His brother was amazing. Gorgeous yes, talented yes, smart and even tempered – why on earth did he want someone like Sirius? The mere fact usually astounded the latter. He wasn't anything special. He was just normal – just Sirius. He had a horrible temper at times and he was stubborn to the core. He wasn't as hot as Reg – then again who was – he was just…a guy who could pass as okay looking.

He had his good points, but he had a lot of bad ones, too. He had learned, however, that sometimes, bright lights complimented duller ones, helped them, guided them and provided them with the energy they needed to stay bright. Regulus complimented him in every way and he liked to think that he in turn complimented Reg. They evened each other out, like a balance board. His imperfections covered up Reg's own and made him shine, and Reg's imperfections melted into his and together they simply made a happy, loving couple…right?

Sirius was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Reg's eyes opening. Regulus stared at Sirius quietly. He knew all of his brother's facial expressions. The one he was currently wearing was his; 'I'm overthinking things again' face.

Sirius jolted when he felt a hand slipping in to his.

"You're thinking too much again," Reg whispered. Sirius sighed.

"I'm not…I'm just…reminiscing."

"About?" Regulus shifted closer and Sirius could feel his breath puffing against his face.

"About us," Sirius murmured. "About how far we've come." Regulus smiled lightly.

"We certainly have come a long way." He agreed. He squirmed happily when Sirius reached out and pushed a lock of his dark hair, off his face.

"I love you." Sirius said suddenly. He grinned goofily after that because he absolutely loved how those words could simply pop out of his mouth without any warning, how they took him by surprise as much as they did Reg.

"I love you too." Regulus beamed. He moved in to kiss Sirius sweetly. Their tongues rolled together lazily for several minutes, before things started moving along. Sirius crawled on top of Reg and attacked his mouth with renewed vigour. Regulus finally broke away for air with a small laugh.

"Oh I see, you tell me you love me just to amp me up so I'll be more willing to let you fuck me, huh."

"Oh gosh, I can't believe I was so transparent." Sirius teased. "I've been ousted." Regulus snorted.

"You've been out for quite some time mister."

"I have haven't I?" Sirius smirked. He leaned down once more and kissed Reg with such passion, the poor boy forgot what they had been talking about.

"Master…" Regulus breathed when they broke once more. And just like that, the air shifted. It became rushed and desperate once more, with a touch of almost palpable desire. "God I'm getting hard way too fast." Reg mumbled. His erection was pressing right into Siri's thigh. Sirius ground down on him with a smug smile.

"Sorry, it's not my fault I'm so hot."

"It's downright unfair." Regulus lamented. "I don't stand a chance, woe is me." Sirius laughed and rolled off him. "Get up, we're moving on definitely this time. We can't stay stuck in this cabana all night."

"Fine, fine." Regulus scrambled up, his erection bobbing happily. "I rather like this place though."

"Better things are coming." Sirius replied distractedly as he searched about for the item he'd dropped earlier.

"As if you know." Regulus snorted, then he paused. His eyes grew wide in realization. "Oh my Merlin…you actually do know, don't you? You planned this whole thing! The room is playing out your fantasy!" Sirius found his item and stood up sheepishly.

"Uh…sort of…yes…"

"You sly dog." Regulus grinned.

"Literally." Sirius added. Regulus lowered his eyes with a smile.

"So…what are your other plans Master? I want to find out. I really can't wait for your big, thick cock to be inside me. Tell me you're going to fuck me in the next stage."

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Sirius closed his eyes and tried hard not to moan. He didn't want Reg to know just how much his words were turning him on, a Master had to be in control at all times after all. But hot DAMN, his brother knew how to talk dirty and he knew exactly when and how to use that talent.

"I'll fuck you when I'm ready." Sirius replied, when he'd finally regained control of his voice. Regulus whined deep in his throat.

"Master…" Sirius groaned.

"Fuck, Reg. Say that again."

"Master," Reg purred. Sirius's eyes grew wide and he groaned.

"That's it, we're moving on." He lunged forward and grabbed Reg's arm before tugging him out the side of the cabana. The red drapes moved to reveal a new setting. Instead of the night sky and fairytale like topography, they were greeted with a perfectly equipped bondage room that was a blend of both club and fetish. Strobe lights flashed from the ceiling and long thick chains hung from the roof.

"Oh fuck…" Regulus's dick sprang up without any physical stimulation. "This is so hot." He moaned.

"Glad you like my plans." Sirius smirked. He gestured for Reg to stand directly under a pair of hanging ropes that had handcuffs at the end. Regulus obediently moved in place and held his hands in the air. Sirius swished his hand and the cuffs magically slid around Reg's wrists. Two cuffs then came up out of the floor and locked themselves around his ankles.

"Can you move?" Sirius asked.

"No." Reg shivered. He had no idea why being bound turned him on so much. He loved it though – loved the feeling of being vulnerable and unable to move. He was at Sirius's mercy and nothing was hotter than that.

"Good." Sirius held up his hand and opened his fist that had been closed tightly to conceal the majority of the object in it. It was a cock ring. Regulus groaned. He was in so much trouble…Sirius was going to torture him. "Since previous experimentation has shown you simply can't follow rules, we're going to be using this bad boy to keep your…weather at bay…" he grinned when he noticed that Reg's pupils were completely blown out.

"That turns you on, doesn't it? You like being punished."

"Yes, Master. I've been a bad boy, punish me please." Reg moaned. Waves of pleasure were starting to roll through Sirius's body. Reg's words, his voice, god he was so damn hot. He finally gave in to his feelings and rushed forward to kiss his brother, his hand tangling in his hair.

He said a lube spell in his mind and rubbed his fingers together gently when the wet liquid coated them. Reaching down, he wrapped his hand around Reg's cock and smirked when his brother hissed.

"Sorry," he fibbed. He wasn't sorry at all.

"It's cold." Reg gasped against his lips.

"I'll use you to warm it up." Sirius murmured. He continued to stroke Reg slowly, getting him all slicked up. He said the lube spell one more time so that his other hand was thickly coated, then lowered it to slick himself up. He groaned into Reg's mouth as he jerked them both off. He broke the kiss momentarily, to utter words into Reg's ear.

"Move your hips, Beautiful."

Reg stammered nonsensically, then obliged, his hips rose and jutted out to meet Siri's, and then fell back down. The friction spellbinding and the lube only cause their dicks to slide together easier, which was even better than before. Reg was moaning loudly and shamelessly. His hands came up and knotted in Siri's hair. He pulled on it roughly and Sirius growled in response. He fucking  _loved it_ , when Reg pulled his hair. Hair pulling drove him absolutely nuts. He could feel Reg's heart beating against his chest. It was beating so fast that he expected Reg to pass out at any moment. He wrapped his arms around his brother and held him close, so they could get even better friction as their orgasms continued to build. Reg's fingers were digging into his back, cutting, marking him. He didn't care.

When Reg started to jerk sloppily against him, Sirius knew he was close, and just like that – he moved away. Regulus's face was priceless, and he would have laughed had he not been in a similar predicament; insanely hard and frustrated at the loss.

"You're wearing a cock ring anyways." Sirius panted. "You can't cum yet so don't look so distraught."

"But the friction." Reg whined. His body was flushed a deep shade of red and beads of sweat were rolling down his cheeks. He looked absolutely fuckable, man, absolutely  _fuckable._

Sirius waved his hand and the cuffs fell away. Regulus stumbled forward and Sirius caught him.

"What are we doing now?" Regulus asked dazedly. His lips trembled slightly as he spoke. He was so hard that it was almost painful. He couldn't wait to cum, but then again he also couldn't wait to see what else Sirius had up his sleeve. It was slow torture and Reg was loving it.

"I'm not doing anything." Sirius grinned evilly. "You'll sure be doing a lot though, love."His tone made Reg's dick twitch again. Sirius guided a disoriented Regulus to a comfy looking nook and turned the boy around to face him. "Don't move." Sirius instructed. He moved away to a nearby cupboard and opened it. Regulus could hear him searching about for something but he didn't bother to turn his head and look. He'd been given an order and he intended to follow it…though maybe…if he disobeyed he could get Sirius to draw out his punishment. The thought made him groan loudly. He was insatiable.

Sirius finally returned, and Regulus's eyes grew round.

_Oh my fucking Merlin…_

In his hands, Sirius held a long black dildo. It was wide and impossibly long with a base at the bottom to keep it upright. Holy fuck. Sirius placed the dildo on the floor and lubed it up.

"Down on your knees slave." He commanded. Regulus slid down in silent obedience. He couldn't take his eye off the dildo. Fucking hell, was he…was Sirius going to…was he going to order him to-

"You'll prepare yourself and it'll depend on how well you do so to stop this from hurting you. Either way, you will be sitting on it."

Well that answered his unspoken question. Good god…Regulus's eyes almost rolled to the back of his head. Sirius was evil. Evil and deliciously awesome. He moved towards the dildo and inspected it closer. He could take it…probably…

Sirius was sitting in a chair that had magically appeared – per his request on the room for it. He spread his legs and lazily stroked his cock as he watched his brother examine the sex toy. Regulus finally leaned back and muttered the lube spell. His fingers were instantly coated in the thick liquid and he reached down and between his legs to slide one into his opening.

His fingers felt strange inside of him, after going so long without having touched himself. Sirius was the only one who got to touch him these days. He hardy ever jerked off anymore. In fact, as embarrassing as it was to admit it, he couldn't get off unless he was with Sirius anyways. His body belonged to Sirius and as far as he was concerned, he had to ask permission before pleasuring it. Once he got used to the slight sting, he added another finger, stretching himself even further.

"I'm ready." Reg finally said. He was keening ever so softly as his fingers found his prostate. He probed it lightly and felt a flash of pleasure. God he couldn't wait for Sirius to actually use his dick and touch it. He'd go  _wild_.

"Put it in yourself." Sirius said indolently. Reg crawled towards the dildo, and hovered over it. For a moment he dithered, not sure if he could do it, but then he looked up to meet Sirius's eyes who smiled encouragingly and he got his confidence back. He positioned the head of the plastic at his opening, enjoying the way the hard surface rubbed against the puckered flesh. Slowly, ever so slowly, he slid down on the demanding shaft, gritting his teeth at the onslaught of pain. Reg continued pushing the toy further inside of him until he was almost at the base. He paused to gather his bearings, his hands shaking, his body quivering from the strain.

"So long, so big." He groaned.

"You can take it." Sirius said. He was fisting himself more readily now. Watching Reg on the dildo was a bigger turn on than he'd expected. The whole point of it was to punish his slave really. Making him fuck himself on the toy organ instead of getting the real deal. He was now thinking that it was more a reward than anything. Reg was enjoying it far too much. Still, his brother was weird. He seemed to enjoy being punished. It was probably a kink of his. Reg moaned again and attempted to slide down even more.

Sirius noticed that he wasn't all the way down and reached out, placing his hands on Reg's shoulders to aid him the rest of the way. Reg yelled words that made no sense and reached up to hold Sirius's arms. The head of the toy rammed into his prostate making him whine loudly. He cock was achingly hard, damn the fucking cock ring. He was so close, so close…

Sirius understood Reg's unspoken plea when his brother looked him in the eye. He needed a bit of help to get himself started. Obligingly he lifted his brother the first time, aware that Reg was still getting used to the stretch. Sirius took care to not lift him too high which would bring him off the toy, only enough to let him feel the burn when gravity pushed him back down to the ground. Once he had a good rhythm going on, Sirius released him and drifted back to his chair to watch his sexy slave pleasure himself.

Reg moved leisurely but it felt amazing all the same. Now that the initial pain was over, the burn of the toy rubbing against his inwards was completely erotic. This position allowed the toy to reach dark depths he hadn't thought possible and he was quickly discovering that riding someone, or something, was one of his favourite positions.

Sirius groaned when Reg sat up on his knees, widening his legs so he could get more leverage on his thrusts. This also gave Siri quite the view and he was loving every moment of it. The look of rapture on Reg's face, the wanton cry he let out spoke volumes of which gland he'd hit on that last thrust. Finally, when Reg thought he was going to burst, Sirius moved to cup his cheek, distracting him from his task.

"What do you want?" Sirius asked him. Reg had been a good boy so far. He'd followed his Master's commands without complaint and fulfilled his punishment as far as Sirius was glanced at Sirius's dick and licked his lips. He wanted nothing more than to suck Siri off until he milked him of all his juices, while Sirius simultaneously hand-fucked him with the dildo in his ass. Sirius followed his gaze and smirked.

"You want to suck me off don't you?"

"Y-ye-ssssss," Reg grunted, as his latest thrust made the dildo hit his prostate again. Goddamn that cock ring, damn it to hell. He could feel his tide rising in his stomach and failing to complete because of that stupid, ungodly-

Sirius placed his cock in front of Reg's lips and Regulus immediately forgot about his train of thought.

"This is what you want, Beautiful?" Sirius stroke his cock a few times for emphasis, "What do you want me to do with it?"

Reg licked his lips one more time, "Place it in my mouth, Master. Face fuck me into oblivion."

Well shit….what type of man would Sirius be to ignore a plea like that?

Sirius quickened his pumps, pleasuring himself until he started heavily leaking fluid. He wiped a smear on the length of his finger and brought it up for Reg to see. The semi-clear fluid glistened underneath the light of the room, taunting his brother.

"Is this what you want, Reg; is it?" Sirius goaded.

"Master, pleaseeeeeeee," Reg's eyes rolled and he fucked himself down on the dildo with gusto.

"Then come get it," Sirius said gleefully. He was such a fucking bastard and he knew it.

Reg groaned, but complied, shuffling closer to Sirius and clenching his ass so the dildo stayed inside of him. He situated himself kneeling between Siri's open legs, and opened his mouth greedily to accept the offered finger. Reg wrapped his lips around the digit and hungrily sucked it clean. His tongue curled around the knuckle, slurping the extra saliva he'd created in the process. Sirius shook with want. Regulus…he was just too much. How could one person be so sexy, so amazing, so…everything.

Regulus hummed appreciatively around Siri's finger. His pre-cum tasted even better than before and now that he'd had his fix, he couldn't get enough of it. Reg whined in displeasure when Siri pulled his finger free, his lips arching into a pout.

He was ignoring the tidal wave taking place in the pit of his stomach, in fear of saying something inappropriate. He knew he was in no position to ask Sirius to take the cock ring off, and if he did, he might end up wearing it longer. God he just wanted to cum…

"Suck me, slave." Sirius commanded. Regulus was all too happy to comply. He leaned forward and swallowed Siri's dick in one huge gulp, while grinding down on the dildo once more. The unexpected friction that came with sliding down so fast made Reg jerk, and as a result, the organ in his mouth was forced farther down his throat. Breathing through his nose, he thrust back on the dildo invading his ass while he trying not to choke on the assailant plowing his mouth.

"Fuck yes," Sirius swore as Reg swirled his tongue around his inflamed flesh, reminding Siri just how talented he was with his mouth. "God, that mouth. You're such a natural at this. You need to suck cock for a living." Reg pulled off just long enough to reply.

"Only your cock, Master." Then he was down again, sucking for all he was worth.

Reg vaguely wondered what their father would say if he were in the room. After sputtering and nearly dying from a heart attack, he no doubt would have tried to find a way to fire them both straight to hell right then and there. He'd have been disgusted to learn just how good his son was at this… at how much he loved sucking dick.

Sirius groaned when Reg relaxed his throat and hummed so that the vibrations would travel. If he wasn't careful, he'd blow his load down his brother's throat and that was a no go right now. He wanted to be in him before he came again. They had to stop.

It was probably the single, most difficult thing Sirius had ever done in his life. He pulled Reg off his cock; the latter's lips sliding off with a lewd pop. He almost laughed at Reg's adorably confused face.

"Master?"

"Don't worry, love. You did nothing wrong." Sirius reassured him. "I just want to replace that dildo" – he eyed Reg's ass that was still fucking the toy – "with my cock." Reg stopped moving immediately. Hell yes, this is what he'd been waiting for!

"Yes, Master. Merlin I've been waiting for this. Please fuck your slave, Master. I need your cock!"

"Oh you'll get it." Sirius growled. He stalked away to a nearby bed and assessed it. It was perfect, naturally. It had all the required holes in the headboard for tying Reg down.

"Come here, Reg." Sirius's eyes were suddenly black and fiery. His whole demeanour had changed. Reg could feel the dominance rolling off him in waves. His submissive side instantly gave into it. He loved the feeling, loved being dominated and told what to do. He could almost feel Reg's body growing hotter and hotter with each passing second.

"Master..."

"Come here!"

Reg scrambled off the dildo, keeping his moan at the loss at bay, and fell to his knees in front of Sirius. Sirius grabbed his hair and harshly pulled Reg's head back. He stared into his eyes, smoldering him with his gaze.

"Who are you?"

"I am your slave."

"Who am I?"

"You are my master."

"Say it again."

"You are my master."

"Damn right I am," Sirius growled. "Who is your Master, slave!"

"You, you, only you!" Reg cried.

"Yes, me!" Sirius yelled. He reached down, pulled Reg to his feet and smashed his mouth against his. His kisses were hot and demanding. Reg almost drowned in the passion and desperate desire of them. Sirius turned and pushed Reg down on the bed. Regulus fell back and immediately spread his legs, scouting up as well so he could hold his hands up towards the headboard. Sirius waved his hand and cuffs immediately bound his brother to the bed. He then bent Regulus's legs at the knee and spread them. He spread them farther than he ever had before, until Regulus cried out from the stretch; he then bound his ankles to the bed.

Immobile; just like Sirius had promised. Regulus groaned in frustration as his cock jumped, only to protest against it's restraints. He was so sensitive that every little move felt like too much. His orgasm had been kept at bay for ages now. He was probably going to pass out when he was finally allowed to shoot it.

Sirius lay between Regulus's legs and inspected his hole in all its glory. He gently reached out and swirled his finger around the pink, puckered entrance.  _Mine,_  he thought.  _It's all mine. Reg is mine; he belongs to me._  And with that, he leaned forward to claim what was rightfully his.

Regulus had been lying quietly the entire time, staring at the ceiling and flashing lights while trying to ignore the urgent need for release. He screamed and almost flew off the bed (probably would have if not for the restraints) when Sirius's tongue drew a long, wet line over his opening.

"Oh, oh ,ohoh, oh Melin…oh…oh ohoh," Reg babbled nonsensically. He literally turned to putty as Sirius continued to lave his hole with his slick, wet appendage. "Fuck, fuck, Master…so good." Regulus whined. Sirius slid his tongue in as far as it could go, and Regulus thrashed madly. Sirius quickly swapped his tongue with his fingers a few moments later.

Reg cried out as he felt two fingers slide inside him, followed by two more, just seconds later. So fast, but he could take it. He was already stretched out from the dildo anyways. Reg arched his hips and groaned. Sirius couldn't wait any longer, he honestly couldn't. He'd been waiting on this for a long time coming.

He quickly moved to line himself up with Reg's opening. Regulus gazed up at him with blown out pupils.

"Please." He whimpered. He didn't have to ask twice.

Sirius slammed into Reg with no warning. Regulus wailed and arched his back this time. He screamed in pleasure as Sirius pulled out and slammed back in, striking gold against his prostate in one go. Regulus thrashed again and came back down to encircle his arms around Sirius's back. He scratched his nails across his skin, digging them in until he felt blood. Sirius didn't care. He didn't care about anything except for screwing his brother senseless.

Regulus was unable to move, he was unable to do anything but lie there and take all his brother gave to him. He grunted and panted and moaned wantonly without a care in the world. Sirius was fucking into him at a brutal pace now and the burn, the sting from each thrust, the amazing euphoria that came with every prostate strike – godfuckingdamn – he was in heaven.

They stayed like that for almost ten minutes, trapped in fuck fest frenzy. Regulus keened and clawed at Sirius's back again. He couldn't take anymore. He needed release. His cock was aching so badly.

"Master…Master please…too sensitive, I need to cum, please, Master!"

Sirius slowed his pace only a bit, rocking in and out of Regulus's tight entrance more leisurely.

"What do you want, love?"

"Me…I…you…I mean release." Regulus babbled. Despite his urgent need to relieve himself, Sirius still felt amazing. So big and thick and perfect. He was being filled and thoroughly fucked. Nothing was better than this.

"Put it together," Sirius said calmly.

"Please, Master, I need to cum." Regulus moaned. "Please remove the ring."

"Do you really want me to take the ring off?" Sirius goaded him. "Do you want to feel my thick cum coating your insides?"

Fuck fuck fuck.

"Yes, Master, Yes!"

"Have you been a good boy?" Sirius purred.

"Yes, I think so." Regulus stammered in frustration. Sirius smirked and slammed into him again. Regulus screeched. Sirius drove into him for another five minutes before giving in. The poor dear was an absolute mess. His skin was flushed, he was sweating from the top of his forehead to the tip of his toes, and his breaths were coming out in sharp bursts. Sirius wasn't doing too well himself, but once again, as the Master he had to retain his cool.

Muttering spells in his mind, Sirius managed to slide the ring off his brother's cock without touching it. The moment it was off, Regulus literally started vibrating, jerking and twitching like he'd been electrocuted. Hot damn, Sirius's eyes widened comically. Reg was about to explode; he'd been holding that orgasm for far too long.

Several deep thrusts later, the tsunami hit. Regulus screamed through his entire release, which lasted for about two minutes. He writhed all over the place, his spasms causing his load to shoot in any and every direction. Sirius thrust into his hot ass one more time before he came. He groaned loudly. This was the hottest orgasm ever. He blacked out at about the same time as Regulus. They both lay still on top of the soiled, silken sheets and rested.

* * *

_A dream_ , Sirius thought as he began to stir,  _a beautiful, incredible dream_ .

He could hear slow breathing next to him, and allowed his eyes to flutter open, seeing that he was still lying on the same bed he'd passed out on. It wasn't a dream.

A smile made it's way to his lips as he turned his head slightly to look at Regulus, sleeping peacefully, strands of his soft black hair had fallen into his eyes and he looked gorgeous.

Never, in his life, had Sirius experienced anything as amazing as what he had experienced tonight - it was perfect. Everything about it.

He slowly sat up, as not to wake his brother, and pulled the covers over himself - he'd left his clothes in the cabana. The movement - as quiet and careful as it had been - stirred Regulus. He made a small sound and Sirius glanced over to see him rubbing his eyes.

Regulus looked at Sirius and a smile formed on his tired face. "Hi," he said quietly, giving Sirius a look that made him seem to melt.

"Hey there," Sirius replied, pulling Regulus up and wrapping the cover around them both. Regulus looked up at him and smirked.

"Can I call you 'Sirius' now?" he asked. Sirius laughed and slid his arm around Reg's waist, pulling him closer. He rested his chin on Reg's head, inhaling his scent and smiling at how gorgeous he smelt.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Yes, you can."

"Well Sirius," Regulus said. "That was one hell of a night. Absolutely amazing."

Sirius grinned and grabbed Regulus's hand, pulling him up from the bed. He didn't say anything as he lead his brother out of the room and into the sunlight.

The light was so bright, they had to squint at first to see where they were going. There was a soft rustling of leaves as they passed a canopy of tall trees that lead to the bridge they had seen earlier.

Sirius lead them over the bridge and they stopped in the middle, Sirius turning round and wrapping his arms around Reg. Regulus stared up at him in awe. How could anybody be so mind-blowing in every single way? How was it even possible?

Sirius planted a kiss on Reg's forehead and grabbed his hand again, leading him further back through the beautiful fantasy scene that they were in.

They passed a tall stunning waterfall, that flowed into a glistening pool of clear water, and Sirius stopped by the edge of the water, and sat down on the soft grass. Regulus followed suit, staring out at the sight in front of them.

"This place is unbelievable," Regulus said quietly as he stared around at their sanctuary. Sirius nodded, as he had been thinking the exact same thing. He picked up a rounded pebble that was lying in the grass and threw it so it skimmed across the water.

That was when he saw it.

If he had blinked, he wouldn't have seen it. It seemed that Regulus had missed it too. Sirius looked more closely at the water and gasped as it rippled elegantly.

"Reg," he said, glancing back at his boyfriend, who leaned forward to take a look as well.

Instead of seeing the bottom of the pool like Sirius had expected, he was staring at an image... or a moving image, of himself and Regulus. It was like watching himself... seeing himself... like... a _TV_. At least that's what Sirius thought it was called.

"That's us!" Regulus said unhelpfully, as he peered in. "But we're older."

And he was right. They weren't as young in the pool of water as they were at that moment, they looked maybe three or four years older.

"Reg," Sirius breathed, watching as the older versions of them kissed in the pool. "I think this shows the future."

Regulus grinned. "The future? So... so that means that we'll still be together whenever this happens."

The thought brought a smile to Sirius's face and he felt like his life had just got so much better. He knew he would be with Regulus for a long time, but having the proof played out in front of him made it seem much more real.

"We'll always be together, Reg," Sirius said, now casting his eyes away from the pool of water and looking at Regulus, who looked right back at him with a smile.

"I know," he whispered, leaning his head against Sirius's chest and closing his eyes as Sirius ran his fingers through his messy dark hair.

"Do you know what else this means?" Sirius asked.

"Mmm? What?" Reg answered quietly.

"You're not getting married," Sirius said. "To that Parkinson girl. If we're together in however long this is, you must not be married. Do  _you_  see a ring on your finger there?"

Regulus opened his eyes and watched the older version of himself in the pool, and indeed, there was no ring. "You're right," he said, hope filling up his insides.

"Which means you  _do_  have the courage to say no to them. You  _can_  do it," Sirius said, kissing Regulus's hand lightly.

"I can" Regulus repeated. "I will. I'll send a letter to mum today."

Sirius felt as if his heart was going to explode with pure love for Regulus. He was going to do it. He was actually going to stand up to them, for  _Sirius_. He couldn't ask for anything more.

He leaned forward, letting the blanket fall off of them both, and pushing Regulus down against the soft grass. Sirius ducked his head and his lips met Regulus's for the sweetest kiss they'd shared in a long time.

Every small touch was like their first, and the electric ran through them both like fire.

Everything was much more romantic this time. Just the two of them and the beautiful surroundings and it was so special and perfect and incredible.

* * *

The sun was painted against the orange-pink sky as it set, casting a stunning glow down on them. They lay in the grass, Regulus in Sirius's arms with the blanket over them, staring up at the sunset.

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

And they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, without a care in the world, except for that they had each other and that was all that mattered in that moment.


End file.
